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    Category: Money

    Paying Caesar’s Things Back To Caesar

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

    Customer: “Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?”

    Me: “Nope. Your total is $7.00.”

    Customer: “I don’t pay non-believers.”

    Me: “Well, it’s a good thing you’re paying [Delivery Company], then.”

    Customer: “Do you know any commandments, you Satan worshipper?”

    Me: “Thou Shalt Not Steal. Seven dollars, please.”

    (Then he threw a $10 on the counter and left. Three bucks for Satan!)

    Some Customers Really Need To Change

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

    (I work as a cashier in a small grocery store. An older woman comes to my register with two gallons of milk and some bread.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, your total comes to $10.08.”

    Customer: “I only have ten dollars!” *waves a ten dollar bill in my face*

    Me: “You know what? I’ll just pay the difference for you, since you’re a regular.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (I take a quarter out of my pocket, complete the transaction, drop the change in my pocket, and hand her the milk.)

    Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Where is my change? The screen says my change is 17 cents.”

    Me: “Well, since I used a quarter to pay just the eight cents I took the rest of the change back.”

    Customer: “You should give it to me! You’re stealing from me, you little b****! Let me talk to your manager!”

    (She continues to yell at me and my manager for a few minutes, calling us evil thieves.)

    Manager: “No one is stealing from you, ma’am. She didn’t even need to pay the difference on your total.”

    Customer: “I’m never coming back here again!”

    (She storms out.)

    Driving Her Own Price Up

    , | CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Transportation

    (A policy holder calls to complain about the very high premium she is paying for her auto insurance. I review the policy with her and determine that she’s had many accidents and violations. Easily the worst driving record I’ve seen, and I’ve been doing this job for years.)

    Customer: “So, what can be done so that I don’t pay so much?”

    Me: “As your driving history is the reason for the high premium, there are no opportunities to reduce the cost until your record improves.”

    Customer: “There has to be something you can do?”

    Me: “I’ve verified that the price is accurate. There is nothing more I can do.”

    Customer: “Is there something I can do?”

    Me: “Have you had a recent check up with a doctor to see if there is a physical reason you are having difficulty while driving? You may want to consider using public transportation, at least until you’ve been medically cleared.”

    Customer: “There’s nothing wrong with my health, and I’m not going to stop driving!”

    Me: “If you must continue to drive, I’d suggest taking a driver education or improvement course.”

    Customer: “You’re joking, right? I’m a good driver! Everyone gets into a bit of trouble now and again!”

    (This call was chosen by my supervisor for monthly call review and coaching, which was less than a week later. There were already two more accident claims filed!)

    Give Her Family Credit

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (Our system uses a PLU (Product Listed Under) list, which consists of numbers from 1-200, which are used for produce, milk, flowers, and meat coming through the registers. It has been a long busy day and I was getting a bit bored with repeating the same spiel over and over, so I decided to mix it up a little bit.)

    Me: “Your total comes to $94.55. Would you like to pay by cash, card, or firstborn child today?”

    Customer: “Firstborn child? How much is she worth?”

    Me: *turns to customer’s daughter* “How old are you this year?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I’m five and two thirds!”

    (I put the number five into the system, which corresponds with a 750 gram bag of tomatoes, worth $3.50.)

    Me: *to the customer* “She’s worth $3.50.”

    Customer: “D***, not enough. It’ll have to be card.”

    (The transaction finishes and she starts to head off.)

    Customer: “Can I pay with my husband next time?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34

    | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’m next in line at a chain arts and crafts store. Everyone who shops here complains about how long the lines always are, and how there are never any employees around, but I think it’s more because there is ALWAYS a difficult customer at the front of the line.)

    Customer: “I’d like to do an even exchange, this ribbon for this yarn. I don’t have a receipt for the ribbon.”

    Cashier: “Well, we don’t do exchanges without a receipt, but I can do a return on the ribbon and then we can use the money you’ll get back toward the yarn.”

    Customer: *death glare at the cashier* “Fine.”

    Cashier: “It looks like you’ll get $2.61 back for the ribbon. I’ll just put that toward the yarn if that’s okay?

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Cashier: “Okay, and the yarn comes out to $2.51. So you’ll actually get a dime back!”


    Cashier: “Ma’am, this is just the price of the yarn. I have nothing to do with it. It’s in your favor. You’re getting money back.”


    (Everyone in line stares in confusion as she storms out of the store with the yarn and not the dime. As I’m next in line, the cashier looks at me.)

    Cashier: “Well, then. Looks like you get a 10-cent discount on your purchase, miss! I hope that’s okay; I know money’s so darn inconvenient these days!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 33
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31

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