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    Category: Money

    He Has The Floor Model But His Wife Has The Floor

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Top

    (My fair-trade, non-profit store is rather on the small side. We have no stockroom, meaning that all of our available merchandise is on the sales floor. One night I am working alone when new customers come in. The wife is very pleasant, but the husband decides that he’s going to do everything in his power to mess with me. After about twenty minutes of his questioning my store’s mission, whether we really qualify as a non-profit, and why he should care about the people who make the products we sell, he and his wife decide on a silk lamp. We have only one available.)

    Customer: “How much is the lamp?”

    Me: “That is [price].”

    Customer: “I mean after my discount. You’re going to give me a discount because I’m buying the floor model.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have a back room. Everything we sell is the ‘floor model.’ It’s going to be [price].”

    Customer: “Oh, come on! You gotta give me some kind of discount!”

    Customer’s Wife: “Honey, stop talking before I tell her to add on a bonus charge for having to put up with you.”

    Gives New Meaning To ‘Phone Bill’

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (A customer calls up asking to order reprints over the phone. She is very pleasant and the order is completed smoothly. She indicates that she would like to pay over the phone, which is fine. I go to the front phone and register to take her information and ring her out.)

    Me: “Okay. Your total comes to [total] with tax.”

    Caller: “I have four $20 bills.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. How would you like to pay?”

    Caller: “With cash. That way I can’t overspend. I have four $20 bills to use.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot take cash over the phone. We take all major credit cards, or you can pay by cash when you pick up your order.”

    Caller: “No. This is ridiculous. You’ll be busy when I pick it up. I just want to pay now and get it out of the way.”

    Me: “I understand. We accept all major credit cards. I am ready whenever you are to complete the sale.”

    Caller: “I’m not giving you that! You’re just trying to steal my credit card! I want to pay cash!”

    Me: “If you would like to pay cash, you can come in and pay when you pick up the order. I cannot take cash over the phone.”

    Caller: “But I have cash! My husband can tell you I have it right here!”

    Me: “I believe you, but there is no way for me to accept your cash unless you come to the store in person. You are welcome to do that. Pre-paying is an option, not a requirement.”

    Caller: “I want to pay now!”

    (This continues for several minutes, until she finally decides to speak to my manager. Ultimately, she cancels the order, demanding that our company becomes more willing to accommodate multiple methods of payment in the future!)

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number, Part 2

    | QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (It’s Friday afternoon, and I am a customer waiting for my prescriptions in the waiting area of my pharmacy. The customer ahead of me, a gruff older man, is getting upset with the cashier over a problem with the card reader.)

    Customer: “I’m telling you, it’s not my card. It’s your machine!”

    Cashier: “Sir, you have to enter your PIN correctly—”

    Customer: “I KNOW how to enter my PIN! Your machines are wrong! This doesn’t happen to me anywhere else.”

    Cashier: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir. My machine has been functioning properly all day. Your transaction failed after you entered your PIN. Would you like to try it again?”

    Customer: “If I try it again, you better MAKE it work right! [Financial Institution] is going to freeze my card if I keep trying. I’m going away for the weekend so I NEED my card to work!”

    Cashier: “Well, I can’t put in your PIN for you, sir. So I can’t guarantee you it will work.”

    Customer: “This has happened the last two times I’ve been in here! I’ve been a customer here for 30 years and you’re saying it’s MY fault? Your machines are wrong! And now my card is going to be frozen until Monday!”

    Cashier: “I don’t know what else to tell you, sir. Let me get my manager.”

    (The cashier pages the manager, who arrives promptly.)

    Manager: “I understand there’s some trouble with your card, sir?”

    Customer: “The machine is messing up. It’s NOT my PIN. My card is going to be frozen and I’m going away this weekend!”

    Manager: “I understand, sir. If you have time to wait, I’ll call [Financial Institution, which is also responsible for card reader] and try to find out what’s going on.”

    (My manager dials the phone and explains the situation to tech support.)

    Manager: *on phone* “Uh-huh. I see.”

    Customer: “Ask them if my card is frozen!”

    Manager: *on phone* “So there’s no problem with our system? Alright. Thank you.”

    Customer: “Oh, wait. My PIN on this card is five digits. I only entered four!”

    Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

    Kill Bill

    | Italy | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (My sister and I co-own a gas station. She usually mans the full service pump, while I follow the back office stuff. She calls me over while with a customer.)

    Me: “Yes. How can I be of help?”

    (My sister hands me a clearly false €20 bill.)

    Sister: “I exchanged his €50 bill for two €20 bills and one €10 at his request, so he could do 20 on the self service. Now he’s here claiming the self service machine doesn’t accept this bill. He wants it exchanged with another 20€ bill.”

    Customer: *smugly* “I’m sorry. I know these machine sometimes are difficult, right?”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I take the false €20 bill and hand it back to the customer.)

    Me: “Keep this one. Just use the other one you got from your €50 bill!”

    (The scamming customer tries to open his mouth to say something, then goes back to the self service machine. I follow him. He again tries the false bill.)

    Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

    Me: *with a smile* “Use the other one.”

    (The customer reluctantly uses a good 20€ bill. He pumps the gas, and leaves without a word.)

    Disk Driving The Credit Crunch

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (I am a brand new phone tech support agent for a well known computer company that prides itself in ‘ease of use’. This is my first call. As such, I have a trainer double jacked with me to listen and help.)

    Me: “Hello and thank you for calling Tech Support. My name is—”

    Customer: “You a**-holes! Gimme back my credit card now!”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t understand what you mean.”

    Customer: “You know exactly what I mean! You took my credit card and I want it back right f****** now!”

    Me: “I do apologize, but I’m still not exactly sure what you mean. How did we steal your credit card?”

    Customer: “Your stupid f****** computer asked for my credit card and now it won’t give it back!”

    Me: “Once again I do apologize, but I’m still not sure exactly how we took your credit card. What were you doing when we took it?”

    Customer: “I was setting up the internet and you f****** took it!?”

    Me: “Was someone helping you at the store and they took it while setting up the internet?”

    Customer: “No, you god-d*** moron! I was setting it up at home and when it asked for my credit card info I put it into the credit card slot on the computer. Now this piece of s*** won’t give it back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our computers don’t come with credit card readers.”

    Customer: “Of course it does! It has a slot right on the front for it.”

    (At this point I realize the customer has put her card in the disk drive. After walking her through several steps I have to refer her to a service center to get the card removed.)

    Me: “So, once again, I do apologize for the inconvenience this has caused. You will need to take your computer to one of our service centers so that one of our techs may remove your card.”

    Customer: “I can’t f****** believe this! I’m reporting you and I’ll have you run out of business!”

    (The customer hangs up. I turn to my trainer.)

    Me: “Are all my calls gonna be that crazy?”

    Trainer: “Only if you’re lucky.”

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