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    Category: Money

    Please Dial Down The Dumb

    | TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (I work customer service for a cell phone company.)

    Me: “How can I assist you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my friend bought me a tablet, but I keep getting this bill. Why?”

    Me: “I see that you’re using the Samsung Galaxy, right?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “That’s okay; what you actually have is a smart phone. It’s like a touch screen computer you can make calls on, but it is a cell phone and comes with a monthly bill.”

    Customer: “You can’t make calls on this; it’s a computer! Stop billing me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but do you see the green icon that looks like a phone on your screen? Tap that. What do you see?”

    Customer: “A keypad.”

    Me: “That’s how you make phone calls; you just dial the number.”

    Customer: “This proves nothing! I know a computer when I see one! This is a tablet, and I’m not paying anything!”

    Bill Of Rights Makes Up For All The Wrongs

    | USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [wireless company]; my name is [me]. May I have your first and last name, please?”

    Customer: “I just want to make sure I’m reading my bill right. It’s my second bill, but I just want to make sure I understand what I am paying for.”

    Me: “Sure, what questions do you have?”

    Customer: “So, I see that the first bill is $260.71. That has, I assume, the activation charges. It looks like my first month from June 6 through July 5, as well as the two days before from the previous bill cycle before my regular one started, and was due on July 1, right?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

    Customer: “Alright, and so then the current bill here for $176.20 is for July 6 through August 5 and is due on August 1, and the late fee for not having the first bill paid on time, right?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, absolutely.”

    Customer: “Okay, so if I pay the $260.71 today, I won’t have to pay anything else until the first, and I also won’t get an interruption?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, I just wanted to make sure I understood it all. Thanks!”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am, so… thank you for reading and understanding your bill.”

    Customer: “You expected me to yell at you, didn’t you?”

    Me: “Honestly? Yes.”

    Customer: “I used to work in a bank, so I know what it’s like to be yelled at, especially when the issue isn’t your fault. After working there, I never yell at customer service reps, because I remember being there, myself.”

    Me: “On behalf of all of us here at [company], thank you. Let me waive that late fee.”

    Customer: No! No! Don’t waive it! I didn’t pay; it’s only fair I get the late fee!”

    Me: “Too late.”

    Customer: “It really meant that much?”

    Me: “You made my night. Have a good one!”

    A Gem Of A Customer

    | Worcestershire, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Money

    (A lovely, regular customer has called up after we have sent her the wrong thing. She has always been very friendly and polite and this is no exception.)

    Customer: “Have you got what I was supposed to have in stock?”

    Me: “We have some of the items. I’d be happy to send them to you for free.”

    Customer: “Okay, well I’ll send this stuff back.”

    Me: “Don’t worry about it, keep it. I know you can use it all, so just keep it.”

    Customer: “Then you have to charge me for these beads!”

    Me: “No, I will not.”

    Customer: “Charge me for them!”

    Me: “No, no, no, no, no, no.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.”

    Me: “No! You will have free gemstones if you like it or not!”

    Customer: “Not if you’re not going to charge me!”

    Me: “Too late! I’ve added them onto your order!”

    Customer: “Well, if you insist!”

    No Produce Reduce

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

    (The customer in question is our grocery store’s former produce manager. She was encouraged to ‘retire’, because she was caught raising the prices of the produce so her sales would be better. She has a return and a few items, so I do her return and scan her items to balance out the difference in which she only owes me one cent.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is one cent.”

    Customer: “That’s not right. The onions are ringing up wrong.”

    (I look at my screen, and the onions she bought were ringing up 68 cents a pound.)

    Me: “They’re only 68 cents.”

    Customer: “They are supposed to be 99 cents a pound! That’s what the sign says.”

    Me: “Those are for large onions. You bought medium ones.”

    Customer: “Well… I guess I’ll take them for that price, but your new produce manager needs to learn how to price things right.”

    (She storms out in a huff, and my manager walks over.)

    Manager: “Did she just… want to pay the higher price?”

    Me: “Yes… and while you’re here, I’m reaching into my pocket to get the penny that she forgot to pay me for her stuff.”

    In Line And Out Of Line

    | Durban, South Africa | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Money, Top

    (I’m in line to pay. Customer #1 in front of me is about in his 40s, and very well-dressed in a suit and tie. Customer #2 in front of him seems to be a single mother with her child. I’m 25, and pretty shabbily dressed; wearing only faded jeans, an old, novelty Star Wars shirt, and have my long hair almost covering my eyes.)

    Customer #1: “Lady, can you hurry up! Some people are important and actually have places to be!”

    (Customer #2 is fumbling with her money. In her cart she only has basic groceries and what appears to be a birthday cake for her child. She mumbles something about not having enough money, and decides to leave the cake behind.)

    Customer #1: “Don’t waste everyone’s time if you can’t even pay for your s***! Or maybe you need another government handout that comes from my taxes?!”

    (At this point, I feel like I’ve got to step in.)

    Me: “Hey man, that’s enough!”

    Customer #1: “Who do you think you are? I’ll have you know I’m the [high profile position] at [large shipping company], and no one ever talks to me like that.”

    (Suddenly, I become much more respectful.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, sir. I had no idea you were so important. Would you mind if I asked you for your business card?”

    (Customer #1 smugly hands me his card. I see he is, indeed, who he says he is.)

    Me: “And here’s my business card.”

    Customer #1: “Why the h*** would I want your—”

    (Customer #1 suddenly goes pale, as he notices that I am co-owner of [large shipping company].)

    Me: “Now that I know your name, I’ll be sure to phone your supervisor to ensure you’re put on probation. One more act like this and you’re fired.”

    (Customer #1 stammers for a bit, before practically running from the store. I end up paying for the mother’s cake, and even gave them a bit extra to buy the kid any toy from the store.)


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