Category: Money

I Pretend To Work If You Pretend To Pay Me

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

Customer: “My taxes pay your salary so you are paid to take my crap.”

Me: “First of all, sir, until it says ‘Sanitation Dept’ on my paycheck I’m not paid to take anyone’s crap.”

Customer: “Well, my taxes pay your salary.”

(I lay a printout of his registration fees in front of him.)

Me: “You see that $32 fee? That fee is what pays my salary. I’ve only been working here for six months. Since you haven’t paid any registration fees for the past three years you haven’t paid any part of my salary.”

(After a couple of minutes of whining he finally pays the all the fees to bring his registration current.)

Me: *as I hand him his sticker and registration* “Thank you, sir… Now that that is cleared up… How about giving me a raise?”

Her Learning Doesn’t Hold Much Coin

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Tourists/Travel

Me: “Your total is $10.60.”

Customer: *with an accent that sounds like she’s from around Manchester, England* “Okay, here’s a ten, and…” *pours her change on the counter and starts going through them* “…Is this twenty-five? No, this is five… and this is ten? No, this one’s twenty-five cents… How much is this one? Oh, I’m not good with this money. I can’t tell what anything is.”

Me: “No problem. I’ll count out sixty for you. So, are vacationing here in the USA?”

Customer: “No, I’ve lived here for ten years…”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 39

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(A woman and her friend come up to my register to pay for her rather large order. She hands me her credit card and continues talking to her friend.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, your card was declined.”

(She glares at me before returning to her friend.)

Me: “Let me try it again. Still coming back declined.”

Customer: “How can that be? Are you sure you’re doing it right?”

Me: “It’s hard to do it wrong. I’ll key it in manually. Maybe my reader is broken.”

(I manually key in the card; it gets declined again.)

Me: “I’m sorry miss, your card was declined again. Do you ha—”

Customer: *to friend* “You know? I spend more money in this place than this guy makes in a week.”

Me: “That may be the reason your credit card is maxed out.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 37
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 36

Dying For A Discount

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(An elderly lady comes up to my register with a full cart and automatically starts complaining about how much stuff she has, like that is anyone else’s fault but her own.. She is one of those lovely customers who puts one item on the counter at a time for me to scan, and complains the whole long while. I know she’s going to have a problem with her total, so I just go ahead and apply the senior discount without her asking; policy is for the customer to ask. After she complains about the total and I let her know how much I saved her, she says:)

Customer: “Honey, could you do any better than that?”

Me: “No, that’s the best discount I can give you this week.”

Customer: “Are you sure? This is just an awfully high total.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s the best I can do.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I just don’t like that total. And anyway, my doctor says I’m going to die soon, maybe tomorrow, and won’t be able to use all of this anyway, so is there anything else you can do?”

Me: “…We can put some of your items back?”

Tipped To Be Persistent

, | Moberly, MO, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I work as a janitor.)

Me: *sweeping floors before finding a lady looking lost* “Do you need help finding something?”

Lady: “Oh, sure-gel for…” *looks at me holding a broom* “Oh, don’t mind me, sweetie. I’ll find it.”

Me: “For canning? You sure? I can take you to it.”

Lady: “But you’re sweeping. I don’t want to interrupt.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s on the other side of the store. Let me show you.”

Lady: “All right…”

(Cue criss-crossing the store as I help her find several hard to locate items.)

Lady: “I think that’s it. You’ve been so helpful. Here…” *tries to hand me a $5 bill*

Me: *holds my hands up palm forward* “No can do, ma’am. Can’t accept tips.”

Lady: “Nonsense, you’ve helped me more than anyone who’s actually supposed to!”

(She tries to dive to my pockets to slide money in.)

Me: *slams hands on top of the pockets before she gets there, backpedalling* “Nope! You have a nice day!”

(Thirty minutes later I’m collecting trash from the bins. The lady is trying to sneak up on me, hand reaching for my pocket with money in it. I barely spot her in time, turning and stuffing my hands in my pocket.)

Me: “Still no can do. I appreciate the offer, though.”

Lady: “Oh, shut up.” *smiling, she grabs my collar, pulls my shirt open and stuffs the bill down the front of my shirt*

Lady: “Tell your bosses where they can shove that tip if they don’t like it!”

Me: *stunned silence*

(Upon telling my boss, he laughs and shrugs.)

Boss: “You can either donate it to CMN, or forget you told me about it. Wasn’t anything you could do about it.”

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