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  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
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    Category: Money

    Didn’t See The Kicker

    | Pensacola, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (My girlfriend is a cashier, and I am a customer in her line. There’s a customer in front of me, giving her a hard time. He writes a check and hands it to her.)

    Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, sir, but our system has declined your check.”

    Customer: “What? I’m a millionaire! That’s not possible!”

    Girlfriend: “Well, actually, I think it’s because the license and check are from different states. It’s to prevent identity theft.”

    Customer: “Well, thank you for nothing, worthless b****! I know you did this on purpose!”

    Girlfriend: “Sir, I can assure you I didn’t. Now. Do you have another form of payment?”

    Customer: “No! You d*** b****! You’re just being totally worthless! Why don’t we take this out to the parking lot?”

    Me: “Oh, can I film that?”

    Girlfriend: *smiling* “Absolutely.”

    Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

    Me: “Oh, didn’t you know? She’s a championship kickboxer. I just want to film her kicking your a**.”

    (The customer huffs and stomps away.)

    Girlfriend: “Aw, why did you scare him off? I was looking forward to that.”

    His Account Just Got Axed

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Money, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. This is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “This d*** ATM wont give me my money, and now it’s eaten my card! I want you to get it back! NOW!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. May I have you member number please?”

    (The customer confirms the details.)

    Me: “I can see here, sir, that you have used another bank’s ATM, and that you entered the wrong PIN three times?”

    Customer: “It’s not my d*** fault I got my cards mixed up. Just get my card back!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, sir, we are unable to access that machine for you. It does not belong to our bank, and you have used a machine that is not attached to another bank branch, so the card has been cancelled. I can order a new one straight away, but I need to advise you that there will be a fee.”

    Customer: “No. YOU will get my card back right now, or I will go to my car, get my axe, and chop up this machine!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Go ahead.”

    Customer: “What, what…? But I said that I’m going to get an axe!”

    Me: “I know you did, on someone else’s ATM, so it doesn’t really affect us does it? I should let you know that I have made notes of the threat you just made, though.”

    Customer: “I’ll close all my accounts! I’ll go to the branch right now.”

    Me: “You WILL close your accounts, sir. And I see from your notes that this was your final warning about threatening behavior. However, I suggest that you don’t approach any branch or staff member again, as you apparently have an axe. The police will be notified the moment you step foot in any of our branches. You will be sent a cheque in the mail. Thank you for calling [Bank].”

    Understanding In All But Name

    | IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I need to cash my check.”

    Me: “Sure! I’ll need to see your ID please.”

    Customer: “Why? It’s MY check!”

    Me: “I understand, but I’ve never waited on you before. I need to verify that it is your check.”

    Customer: “But it’s MY check!”

    Me: “But I don’t know that. I don’t know you.”

    Customer: “It has my NAME on it!”

    Me: “But I don’t know your name. I’ve never waited on you before. I have to make sure that the right person gets their money.”

    Customer: “My name is on the check!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what if you dropped the check outside and someone else brought it in to cash? Would you want me to cash it for them?”

    Customer: “No, because they aren’t me!”

    Me: “How would I know that?”

    Customer: “Because MY name is on the check!”

    Me: *sighs*

    Signed His Own Fate

    , | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (We had a bad storm the night before that disconnected our store’s internet which is used for the credit cards. We have signs posted on the doors and on the registers that we cannot accept credit or debit cards. We can accept only cash or checks.)

    Me: “Hello. Is this for here or to go?”

    Customer: “For here. I’d like to use these coupons.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I ring up his order which comes to around $35 even with the coupons. He hands me a debit card.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We cannot accept cards at the moment.”

    Customer: “Well. I guess I’ll have to go elsewhere.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

    Customer: “Y’all need to have signs up for that.”

    Me: “You walked past two when you walked in, sir, and there’s one right there in your face.”

    Customer: *shamefully walks out*

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at a call center for a major department store’s credit card – a card you can only use in that specific store. You could also make your monthly payment for the card in person at the store. On a rare occasion this can cause a small bit of confusion to some customers.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store Name] credit. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I just received a bill from you for something I’ve already paid for! You need to fix this right now!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry for the confusion. Let me look at your account so we can get this straightened out. It says you purchased [quite expensive item] on [date]. Do you remember purchasing this item?”

    Customer: “I already told you I did, but I’ve already paid for this!”

    Me: “Did you pay cash in the store, but the clerk charged your card accidentally when they entered your personal information for your warranty?”

    Customer: “No! I didn’t pay cash! I put it on my card! I shouldn’t be getting a bill from you!”

    Me: “So, it was charged to a different credit card, not your [Store] credit card?”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? I used my [Store] credit card, but I’ve already paid for this. I’m not paying for it again!”

    Me: “I apologize for asking so many questions. I just want to make sure I understand you correctly so I can solve your problem. You used your [Store] credit card to make the purchase. Did you also make a payment to your card in the store?”

    Customer: “Why would I do that? I already paid for it WITH my card! Why would I give you any more money?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that when you pay for an item with your credit card, you’re signing an agreement to pay for your purchase later? A credit card is sort of like a loan so you can make the purchase you want today, and then make small payments on it over time.”

    Customer: “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! What’s the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I’m buying?!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

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