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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Money

    EBT For HBO

    | CT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money, Movies & TV

    (A customer has called to make a payment with a credit card.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, your bill total is [amount]. What credit card will you be using today?”

    Caller: “My credit card number is…”

    (The caller starts reading off a credit card number that starts with the number 5, which is a Mastercard, but I notice that what she is reading is over 16 digits long.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but the credit card number you gave me is too long. Is it a Master Card?”

    Customer: “No, it’s EBT.”

    Not The Brightest Bulb In The Box

    | MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am one of two department managers responsible for the front end in my store. My subordinate is on the register next to me, processing a return for a rather expensive LED light bulb. This is right after the most recent Target hack.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this light bulb. It wasn’t the kind I needed.”

    Coworker: “All right. Do you have your receipt?”

    (The customer hands over the receipt, and she processes it quickly.)

    Coworker: “Okay, [amount of return] is going back to your card. Is that all right?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s fine.”

    (The coworker hands over return slip for him to sign. He stares at it for a moment and compares it to a credit card in his hand.)

    Customer: “This is the wrong card. It should be returned to this card. *shows my coworker the card*

    Coworker: *looking at original receipt* “Sir, that’s not the card that was used. The card used to pay for the light bulb ended in [last four card numbers].”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have that card anymore. It was replaced because of the Target thing. Let me speak to your manager.”

    (Coworker calls me over. I’ve heard nearly everything, but she explains the situation briefly.)

    Me: “Hi. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need this returned on to this card.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you didn’t use that card to pay for it. We can only process a refund to the original card, or a store credit. But as the return has already been processed, you’ll have to contact the company who handles your account. As long as it’s in good standing, they’ll issue a check for the amount of the refund.”

    Customer: “Of course my card is in good standing! It’s a prominent bank that deals with veterans and their families. It’s the same account. I just have a new card number. So, you can’t refund my purchase?”

    Me: “We already have. If your card is linked to the same account, then most likely, they’ll credit your account. I’ll call for you right now, if you like.”

    Customer: “It’s Sunday! They’re not open! I just want my money back.”

    Me: “Sir, we’ve refunded your money back to your card. At this point, it is out of our hands. You can call your bank and they can issue you a check for the amount.”

    Customer: “You haven’t given me my money back. It’s not the right card.”

    (I show him the return slip.)

    Me: “As far as this company is concerned, we have. The money is now in the hands of your bank. You may call them on Monday, and they can credit your account, or issue a check.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not going to refund me?”

    Me: “As I said, we already refunded—”

    Customer: “No, you haven’t. Is there something wrong with you? You haven’t refunded my purchase.”

    (The customer grabs the light bulb off the counter.)

    Customer: “I’ll just go to a store where they know how to do a refund correctly. You are all obviously too stupid to do this!” *begins to walk out the door*

    Me: “Sir! You can’t take the light bulb. We’ve refunded that!”

    Customer: “No, you haven’t! I’m going somewhere else!”

    (He stole the light bulb. No other store would be able to refund his money back to the new card. Our system isn’t set up that way. Three days later, I got a call from another store asking about the return. They contacted his bank and they had credited his account. That store took the light bulb from him at that time.)

    Doesn’t Quite Have X-Ray Vision

    | Durant, OK, USA | Awesome Workers, Health & Body, Money

    (I am the customer in this story. About a month or so ago I hurt my leg at work. After a long, drawn out process I have been sent by a safety development worker to a clinic that specializes in x-rays instead of just going into the hospital. I show up at least 15 minutes early, fill out the paperwork they give me, and wait at least 30 minutes to be checked in, per the usual. They check my weight, height, and health conditions, and then I’m waiting in the little room. Another few minutes later the doctor comes in and looks me over, and then sends me to get my x-rays. I’m sent back to the room where the doctor meets up with me and gives me good news. At this point I am ready to head on home, in my over-eagerness I almost passed the nurse that needed to check me out.)

    Nurse: “Hold on. I need your name.”

    Me: “Oh sorry.” *gives my name*

    Nurse: *types into the computer* “Okay, that will be $113.”

    Me: “Uh, I… don’t have any money.”

    (At this point the woman who checked me in pipes up giving me an incredulous look.)

    Woman: “How could you come in here expecting not to pay? Everyone has to pay for visits.”

    Me: “Well, for one this was worker’s comp and two, I’m Choctaw Indian. The Nation covers my bills. I’ve never had to pay for clinic visits, ever! My safety development worker from Choctaw Nation told me to come here too.”

    Woman: “Choctaw Nation never sends people here.”

    Me: “Well they told me Dr. Grider’s urgent care clinic.”

    Woman: *pauses* “This isn’t Dr. Grider’s clinic.”

    Me: “… Oh.”

    Nurse: “He’s next door.”

    Me: “… Oh.”

    (I got checked out by the wrong clinic. I was mortified. They took my information anyway and ended up giving me my x-rays to take next door to where I was supposed to be 40 minutes before. If I had just looked next to the ‘Urgent Care’ clinic sign I would have seen the ‘Dr. Grider Orthopedics’ sign right alongside it. Gosh, ladies. I’m so, so, sorry for the trouble I caused!)

    Mommy Money

    | NC, USA | Family & Kids, Money

    (A family comes into the gift shop where I work. A small boy starts tugging on his father’s sleeve.)

    Boy: “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”

    Dad: “I’m not buying you anything.”

    (The boy pauses, and then rushes over to his mother.)

    Boy: “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”

    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5

    | Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this story, standing next in line while the person ahead is being attended to.)

    Cashier: “Okay, sir. Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer pauses and doesn’t move to get his wallet.)

    Cashier: “Sir. Cash or credit?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry. Are you paying with cash, check, or credit card today?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Cashier: “For your groceries, how would you like to pay for them?”

    Customer: “I don’t get it. I only have a debit card.”

    Cashier: “That’s fine. We accept debit as well. Just slide it through the machine here.”

    Customer: “But it’s asking for a credit card. I don’t carry credit cards. People steal those all the time.”

    Cashier: “Sir, the machine will take both credit and debit. I you just follow the prompts…”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s asking for a credit card. I refuse to use one.”

    Cashier: “I can 100% guarantee you, sir, that the machine will read your debit card. After you swipe your card, select ‘debit’ and you’ll be done.”

    Customer: *motions to his groceries* “I can’t pay for these with a debit card. What kind of a business is this that doesn’t accept debit?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I shop here weekly. They do accept debit cards. Open your eyes and read the machine prompt. It clearly has a DEBIT option.”

    Customer: “It says credit. I don’t have credit!”

    Me: “It’s that green button on the right labeled DEBIT. If you can’t see it, then I don’t think anyone here can help you.”

    (At this point the customer walks out and leaves eight full bags of groceries behind, muttering how confused he was that the store didn’t accept debit cards. The cashier has to load the bags into a cart and wait on another associate before ringing me up.)

    Me: “That probably happens way more often than it really should.”

    Cashier: “We have a pool going to see how high we can hit in a week. So far I’m at five and it’s only Wednesday.”

    Related:
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 2

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