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    Category: Money

    Trying To Re-Coup Losses

    | Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money

    (An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)

    Me: “That’ll be [price]."

    Customer: “Why is it so much?”

    Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”

    Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”

    Me: “Yes, of course.”

    Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”

    Monsters Of The ID

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Money, Underaged

    (A customer wishes to pay with her debit card. I flip it over and see that it says ‘see ID’.)

    Me: “May I please see your ID?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It says ‘see ID’.”

    Customer: “No it doesn’t!”

    Me: “Yes, it does.”

    (I show her the small writing that says ‘See ID’.)

    Customer: “I know that’s there.”

    Me: “Then may I see your ID?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t apply to me.”

    Me: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “I put that there so that you can catch thieves that might use my card. It only applies to thieves, not me!”

    Caught Red Carded

    | New Zealand | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer comes in to get replacement debit card. Lost cards attract a replacement fee, but for stolen cards the fee is waived.)

    Customer: “I need to cancel my debit card and get a new one.”

    Me: “No problem. Was it lost or stolen?”

    Customer: *looks a bit confused* “I’ve only just noticed it’s missing. Does it make a difference?”

    (I explain about replacement card fee.)

    Customer: “Yeah, it think it must have been stolen when I left my wallet in the car earlier.”

    Me: “No problem. Do you happen to have any ID on you?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (The customer pulls out an old, tattered wallet that also clearly contains a reasonable amount of cash and gets a drivers license
    out.)

    Me: “Thanks. You were pretty lucky.”

    Customer: “How come?”

    Me: “Lucky they only stole your debit card from your wallet.”

    Customer: *suddenly looking guilty* “Yeah.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “So I’m going to charge the Replacement Card Fee?”

    Me:“Yeah.”

    Military Discount Can Save An Arm And A Leg

    | Sicklerville, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”

    Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”

    Customer: “Sure do.”

    (He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)

    Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”

    Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”

    Try Telling That To The Banks

    | Garland, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I am working the returns counter when a couple walks in with a set of weights.)

    Me: “How can we help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, we need to return this. It’s the wrong color.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes. But we’re going to do an exchange for something cheaper. Is it alright if we get what’s left over on a gift card?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (The couple go shopping and come back. We go through the transaction.)

    Me: “Alright, so $60.00 will be credited back. Do you have the credit card you used?”

    Customer: “But we wanted the extra on a gift card.”

    Me: “Yes, but since theft is a common problem, it’s store policy to check your ID first.  I just need to verify that you have the original card.”

    Customer: “But we want the extra on a gift card.  Do you understand? What’s left over, on a gift card!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand, but I need to see the original card first.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have it. I don’t own that card!”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t do this transaction.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I want what’s left over on a gift card, so that my wife can use it!”

    Me: “Yes, but sir, it’s illegal for us to take somebody else’s money without their permission.”

    Customer: “God D*****! Since when do you need permission to get somebody else’s money?”

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