Category: Money

A Stickler For Stickers

| London, UK | Money

(We are having a summer sale, and I am busy stickering a bunch of notebooks which are 50% off. Note: these stickers are merely to alert the customers of the discount; the items are automatically discounted when scanned at the till).

Customer: *picks up notebook* “Is this half off, too?”

Me: “Of course. All of these notebooks are.”

Customer: “What about these two?”

Me: “Yup, all of them!”

Customer: “Could you put a sticker on this one, then?”

Me: “It’s okay; it doesn’t need one. All our items are automatically reduced at the till. Is there anything else you need?”

Customer: *agitated* “Yeah, I want a sticker on this d*** notebook!”

Me: “Honestly, it’s an automatic system and it doesn’t need one.”

(The customer just stands there. I eventually lean over and place a sticker on the notebook. The customer’s attitude immediately improves.)

Customer: “Thank you very much!”

Fee For The Taking

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Caller: “I would like free shipping for this product.”

Me: “We’re sorry, but we don’t have any free shipping deals today.”

Caller: “I want free shipping.”

Me: “There is no free shipping, so I really can’t give you free shipping.”

Caller: “I don’t want the product, then.”

(I decide to try another approach.)

Me: “How about I add $6.99 to your order and then give you free shipping? Would that be okay?”

Caller: “That would be great! Thank you so much! Thanks for the great customer service!”

Me: “Okay, sir. You go have a good day.”

Caller: “Thank you! Thanks for the free shipping!”

Around The Competition In 80 Minutes

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Money

Customer: “I’d like to overnight these documents to Israel.”

(I process the service.)

Me: “That will be $145.00, please.”

Customer: *jaw drops* “Why is it so much?!”

Me: “Because you want it on the other side of the world tomorrow.”

Customer: “No deal! I’m going to [competitor #1] or [competitor #2]!”

Me: “Okay, have a nice day!”

(Over an hour later, the customer returns, having found that our competitor charges even more for the service.)

Customer: *quietly* “Do you take Visa?”

Taxing Customers, Part 2

| Alabama, USA | Money

Me: “Hello, how are you, sir?”

Customer: “Just this.” *places a magazine on the counter*

Me: “That will be $2.20, please.”

Customer: “There’s tax!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Magazines are taxed.”

Customer: “To h*** with that! I ain’t payin’ no tax!” *stomps off*

Next Customer: *to the first customer* “Well, aren’t you a special snowflake?”

Related:
Taxing Customers

You Can Win The Battle But Lease The War

| Toronto, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

(This takes place just when DVDs are starting to replace VHS. A customer comes to the counter with a popular movie on VHS.)

Me: “You know, sir, the rental costs $4.99 for a week, but we are selling previously rented copies of this movie for only $1.99.”

Customer: “That’s okay. I just want to rent it.”

Me: “But sir, it’s $3 cheaper if you buy it, and you won’t have to bring it back.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to keep it!”

Me: “Well, you could buy it and then throw it out after.”

Customer: *impatiently* “Look, I don’t want to buy anything. I just want to rent this movie!”

Me: *gives up* “Certainly, sir. That will be $5.14 with taxes. The movie is due back next Tuesday by midnight.”

Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

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