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  • Category: Money

    Long Gone And Moved On

    | SF Bay Area, CA, USA | Money

    Customer: *shouting* “What does it take to use an ATM around here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I said, what does it take to use an ATM around here?”

    Me: “Well, first, you would need to insert your ATM card into the machine and enter in your PIN. Do you have–-”

    Customer: *shouting* “I can’t believe this! I put my card in, and it won’t let me get any money.”

    (By this time, everyone is staring. I notice that the card he was holding was a Washington Mutual ATM card. WaMu has been dead for years.)

    Me: “Sir, I believe it didn’t work because–”

    Customer: “This bank is so stupid! Nothing here works. I am switching banks!” *storms off*

    Health Care(less), Part 3

    , | Mississippi, USA | Money

    (I get a lot of billing questions on the phone.)

    Customer: *irately* “I need to know why my insurance was canceled at the end of July.”

    (I look up his policy in our database.)

    Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid your bill since May.”

    Customer: “I have to pay my bill?”

    Related:
    Health Care(less), Part 2
    Health Care(less)

    Economics Is About Supply and Nevermind

    | Miami, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (Our store has a weekly special where if you buy certain item(s), you get a few other items for free. The customer I’m ringing up has two pizzas, which are the items you need to buy for this week’s deal.)

    Me: “By the way, ma’am, since you bought these two pizzas, you can get chicken tenders, popsicles, and a 2 liters soda for free. It’s part of our weekly deal.”

    Customer: “I don’t want them.”

    Me: “Well, they’re free, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I don’t want them!”

    Me: “Well, you could just take them and give them to someone you know.”

    Customer: “Why would I give them anything for free? That’s stupid.”

    Me: “Well, you could charge them for it, I guess. If you sold it for less than we sell it, they’d buy it off of you, I’m sure.”

    Customer: “Nobody would be stupid enough to do that!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Just shut up and ring me up!”

    (I proceed to ring her up without her free items.)

    Limited Only By Your Intelligence

    | Iowa City, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Customer: “Is there a limit to the cash I can get back?”

    Me: “Yes, the limit is 50 dollars.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. It says I can put in a number rather than one of the options?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s true.”

    (The machine pops up an alarm saying that the cash back limit has been passed.)

    Customer: “I asked for 60 back. Did that confuse it?”

    Me: “Yes, the limit is 50 dollars.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought that by putting in my own number, I could bypass the limit.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, the limit is always 50 dollars.”

    Customer: *re-swipes card* “I see. The limit is 40 dollars.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. The limit is 50 dollars.”

    Customer: “But the options given only go up to 40.”

    Me: “Yes, but you can put up to 50 dollars in the custom number option.”

    Customer: “No, that doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Yes, it does but you have to put less than 50. 50 is the limit.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about and I–”

    (The transaction finishes processing.)

    Me: “Here’s your 40 dollars. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Future Treasury Secretaries Of America

    | Snellville, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money

    (I am a customer at a sporting goods store. As I am walking towards the restroom, I hear a little boy asking his mom to buy him something.)

    Boy: “Mommy, I want this!”

    Mom: “No, honey, we’re not going to buy that. Let’s go.”

    Boy: “But why?”

    Mom: “We’re not going to buy it because it is a waste of money!”

    Boy: “But we can just buy more money!”

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