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    Category: Money

    A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Newark, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

    Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

    Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

    Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

    (I tap him on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

    Customer: “W-what?”

    Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Where did you go to law school?”

    *pause*

    Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

    (The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

    Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

    Related:
    A Poser By Any Other Name

    Well, That Plan Is Out The Window

    | Madison Heights, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I had three coupons, but they flew out the window. Is there anything you can do for me?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, without the actual coupons there’s nothing we can do.”

    Caller: “Are you kidding me!? I’ve been driving thirty or forty minutes to get there!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but there is nothing we can do.”

    Caller: “You are so rude! Is there a corporate number I can complain too.”

    Me: “You can go on our website and file a complaint.”

    Caller: “Well, can I complain to you?”

    Me: “You already are.”

    Throwing A Spanner In The Wax

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer is trying to combine coupons on one purchase; this is not allowed. One is a coupon that allows her to buy expensive candles for half off and the other is a basic “free item with any purchase” coupon.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry ma’am, we’ll have to do this as two separate purchases. We’ll use your candle coupon first, then, if you just add another item you’ll qualify to use your second coupon and get your free item.”

    Customer: “But I was purchasing the candle to get the free item.”

    Me: “Yes, but you can’t use the coupon on the candle and then use a second coupon on the same purchase. But it’s okay, you can buy one of these cheap $1.00 items to qualify for the second coupon, I’ll just ring these items up separately.”

    Customer: “Or maybe I don’t buy anything at all!”

    (The customer swipes her cheap mailer coupon off the counter and walks away, leaving me holding her exclusive candle coupon.)

    Wheeling And Dealing With Reality

    | Alberta, Canada | At The Checkout, Money

    (We sell pepperoni sticks for two for one dollar. A customer brings up a box which consists of 40 sticks.)

    Me: “That will be twenty dollars.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Me: “Because they are two for one, and twenty is half of forty.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought the whole box was only fifty cents. That would be an awesome deal.”

    Me: “Well, it’s still cheaper than most places.”

    Customer: “Yes, but the one in my mind was better!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Money

    Customer: “Wait, that’s only supposed to be twenty dollars cheaper.”

    Me: “Yes sir, that’s after the mail-in rebate. You have to send in the paperwork and proof of purchase.”

    Customer: “Well why don’t you give me the discount now and send in the rebate yourself?”

    Me: “No, that’s not how this works. You are responsible for sending in the rebate yourself.”

    Customer: “You mean you’re making me responsible for my own money?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

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