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    Category: Money

    Should Have Paid Attention In School

    | Illinois, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer places shoe boxes on the counter and stares at me.)

    Me: “All set then?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. School.”

    Me: *slightly confused* “Uh, yeah! Yeah I can’t believe school is starting already!”

    Customer: *chuckles* “Heh… yeah. School.”

    Me: *more puzzled* “Yeah, I know. So soon!”

    Customer: “Where’s my 20% off?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Your website said if that if I said the word school in your store I get 20% off my purchase.”

    Me: “I don’t think you read correctly, ma’am. We don’t have any sort of sale like that going on.”

    Customer: “It says that if I say school I get a discount!”

    Me: “I think you were supposed to text school and get a coupon code sent to your phone.”

    Customer: “Well, school. Now give me my 20%.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I just can’t do that. We’re not running that kind of sale.”

    Customer: “Well you should fix the internet, then! This is ridiculous!”

    Discount Discounted

    | Sherman Oaks, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

    Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

    Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

    Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.”

    Not A Believer

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

    Me: “$38.99.”

    Caller: “Okay, well usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

    Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

    Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “A what?”

    Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”

    Cheapskating Around The Issue

    | Mississauga, ON, Canada | Holidays, Money, Top

    (The store is very popular around Christmas time. We have a general rule not to do price adjustments, particularly on Christmas gifts as they were always marked down after the holidays. A customer hands me receipt; he has no bags with him.)

    Customer: “I’d like to do a price adjustment for these gifts.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t do price adjustments.”

    Customer: “Well, then I’ll return them and buy them back on sale. So give me back the money for them.”

    Me: “I can’t give you back money for products that you don’t give back to me.”

    Customer: “I’m just going to buy them back for the sale price right away anyways, so just give me the money back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without the products I can’t give you any money back or do a price adjustment. If you bring in the products I will gladly return and re-sell them to you.”

    Customer: “I’ve already given them away! They were Christmas gifts for my family, you idiot!”

    Me: “Can you let your family know that you want to take their gifts back so that you can get some money back from them?”

    Customer: “What do I look like to you, some kind of cheapskate?!”

    Not Exactly Gifted

    | Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (Customer has been hovering around my register for the past few minutes.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

    Customer: “Do these gift cards have expiration dates?”

    Me: “Nope, they’ll last until you feel like spending them.”

    Customer: “Oh. Uh, where can I find the restroom?”

    (As soon as I turn around and point to the bathroom, he grabs a rack of gift cards and sprints for the door, trailing cards behind him.)

    Me: *yelling after him* “Sir, those don’t have anything on them until you purchase them.”

    (He stops at the door for a moment, then sheepishly returns and puts the rack back.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you guys have a freaking sign out saying they’re empty?!”


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