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    Category: Money

    Decayed, Decades, Same Difference

    | Cleveland, OH, US | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

    (The pot in question is in a box with our store logo on it, but the box looks older than me.)

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (The customer hands me a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.)

    Me: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

    Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

    Me: “So, you have used it, then?”

    Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

    Me: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

    Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

    No ID, No Idea

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Money

    Customer: “So how long will it take to receive my new debit card?”

    Me: “Five to seven days.”

    Customer: “How will I make sure no one uses my card?”

    Me: “Although there is no 100% fool proof way, you can start by writing ‘SEE ID’ on the back of the card so merchants can cross reference it with your ID for each transaction.”

    Customer: “Oh! I can’t do that, I do a lot of transactions online and they won’t be able to see my ID.”

    *long, awkward pause*

    Customer: “Never mind, just pretend I didn’t just say that.”

    How To Balls Up Simple Math

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Money

    Customer: “How much to play?”

    Me: “Two dollars for three balls.”

    Customer: “How much for three people?”

    Me: “Same price, so six dollars.”

    Customer: “How about five dollars for us all to have one ball?”

    Me: “Well, I’m getting the better end of that deal. So of course!”

    Customer: “Thanks. The boss doesn’t have to know.”

    The Gift Of Unreason

    | Washington, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I assist you?”

    Caller: “I would like a gift card.”

    Me: “You would like to purchase a gift card?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You said you wanted a gift card.”

    Caller: “Well, yes. We’ve been shopping at your stores for so many years, we feel we should get a gift card from you.”

    No Vocation For Location

    , | Fargo, ND, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “Can I have a [competitor's burger] please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t do that burger. The [competitor] is across the street.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

    Me: “That does not change the fact that we don’t serve that burger here.”

    Customer: “Can you read, mister?”

    Me: “Very well.”

    Customer: “Well, I can, too! The coupon says available at all locations, smart-a**!

    Related:
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude


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