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    Category: Money

    No Civility, No Social Graces, No Service

    | North Carolina, USA | Money

    (I am required to ask to see a customer’s credit card and ID if they make a credit purchase over $25.)

    Me: “Can I see your card and ID, please, sir?”

    Customer: “If my father were here, he’d call you a b****.”

    Me: “If your father were here, I’d ask him to leave.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “I don’t tolerate that kind of language. Please leave.”

    Customer: *glares at me awhile longer, but eventually leaves the store*

    Why Math Counts

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Customer: *hands me two identical coupons*

    Me: “You want to use two 20% off coupons? That takes two dollars off each item. Using a five dollar off one would save you an extra dollar. Would you rather use that one?”

    Customer: “But using these two coupons saves me more.”

    Me: “Actually, you only save four dollars by using those. The five dollar one would save you more.”

    Customer: “But using more coupons saves more money!”

    Me: “That one coupon is worth more savings than those two, though. That coupon would save you a dollar more, and you can use those two 20% ones another day. Five dollars is more than four dollars.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I don’t understand how you think that!”

    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 6

    | Toronto, Canada | Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to pay my bill to [company] for $**.**.”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. Would you like your confirmation code?”

    Caller: “Sure.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s H–”

    Caller: “How do you spell that?”

    Related:
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 5
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

    A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Newark, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

    Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

    Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

    Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

    (I tap him on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

    Customer: “W-what?”

    Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Where did you go to law school?”

    *pause*

    Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

    (The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

    Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

    Related:
    A Poser By Any Other Name

    Well, That Plan Is Out The Window

    | Madison Heights, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I had three coupons, but they flew out the window. Is there anything you can do for me?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, without the actual coupons there’s nothing we can do.”

    Caller: “Are you kidding me!? I’ve been driving thirty or forty minutes to get there!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but there is nothing we can do.”

    Caller: “You are so rude! Is there a corporate number I can complain too.”

    Me: “You can go on our website and file a complaint.”

    Caller: “Well, can I complain to you?”

    Me: “You already are.”

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