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    Category: Money

    Quarter Of A Dollar, Quarter Of A Brain

    | Maryland, USA | Money

    Customer: *placing coin in front of me* “This is a dollar.”

    Me: “That’s a quarter.”

    Customer: “Right, a quarter dollar.”

    Me: “Yes, a quarter dollar.”

    Customer: “So which is it, a quarter or a dollar?”

    Me: “It’s a quarter.”

    Customer: “Then why does it say quarter dollar?”

    Me: “Because it’s a quarter of a dollar.”

    Customer: *uproarious laughter*

    Me: “I wasn’t kidding.”

    Customer: *leaves looking extremely disappointed*

    She Didn’t Marry Him For His Sense

    | London, UK | Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a law firm as an office manager and administrator. Our firm only deals with criminal law, personal injury and immigration. A scruffy-looking guy comes in one day.)

    Customer: “Hi, I wonder if you could help me. My wife is going to divorce me and I want custody of my kids.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t deal with family law here. Only criminal, personal injury, and immigration.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you help me?! My kids need to be with me; their mum is crazy!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not deal with family law here. I would be happy to refer you to another firm that can help you.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Oh, you are just discriminating against me! Get your manager for me right now!”

    Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Oh, hi there. I wondered if you could help me. My wife wants to divorce me.”

    Me: “I’ve already told you we can’t help you here.”

    Customer: “But look, I’ve got lots of money. I can pay you if that’s the problem!”

    (The man then picks up a bag he has, turns it upside down, and empties the whole bag full of pennies onto my desk.)

    Customer: “See, money. Now, help me.”

    Me: “Listen, you need to leave right now. Take your pennies and leave the building, or I’m going to call security.”

    Customer: “Aah!” *picks up a penny, throws it at me, and runs out, leaving all his pennies*

    Less Is More, More Or Less

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Top

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I have two coupons here. One is a large pizza, four sodas, and 70 tokens for $29.99. The other is for a large pizza, four sodas, wings, and 110 tokens for $29.99. Which one is better?”

    Me: “Well, I’d personally go with the second one. It’s the same price, plus you get an extra order of wings and 40 more tokens.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to get more money off of me, so you picked the worse deal. I’ll take the first coupon, idiot!”

    At Lease Be Courteous

    | USA | Money

    (I work in a call center that helps people with pricing and availability on apartment homes. We ask a few questions that may affect the price.)

    Me: “So, do you know how long of a lease you would like to sign?”

    Caller: “‘Lease’? I’m not signing no d*** lease! I just want to move.”

    Me: “Well, you are required to sign a lease if you want an apartment.”

    Caller: “I’ve never heard of these ‘leases’! You just want more money!” *hangs up*

    Transactions For Dummies

    | Florida, USA | Money

    (I am working the register at a well-known video game store, when a customer approaches with a stack of games and his son.)

    Me: “That will be $87.96.”

    Customer: “Here.” *gives me a gift card worth $25*

    Me: *processes gift card* “Your balance is $62.96.”

    Customer: “What do you I do now?”

    Me: “You give me more money.”

    Customer: “Oh, sorry. I have never been here before…”

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