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    Category: Money

    Now We Know Why Bob Retired

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Me: “Your total comes to $15.49.”

    Customer: “Don’t I get a discount?”

    Me: “Are you in the military or a member of our frequent shopper club?”

    Customer: “I’m in the club. I shop here all the time.”

    Me: “Great! I should be able to find you in our database and apply your discount. What is your last name?”

    Customer: “Well I’m not in your computer but I know I get a discount. I shop here all the time and I’m a senior citizen.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have a senior discount, but I’d be happy to help you join our frequent shopper club.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a senior discount?!” *she turns to an older couple in line behind her* “Did you hear that? These
    people don’t respect the seniors in this community! This is outrageous! I shop here all the time. I’m a senior. I should get a discount. Let me talk to Bob!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, Bob retired 4 years ago.”

    Customer: “Okay, well then I need to speak with Claudia. She and I are very close.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with a Claudia.”

    Customer: “Well, you need to ask someone who’s not new.”

    Me: “Well, I’ve been here three years, but let me check.”

    (I call my manager, who’s been here forever.)

    Me: "I’m sorry ma’am, but I just spoke with my manager, and she said that Claudia passed away in 2005."

    Customer: “She’s dead?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, do I get a discount? I shop here all the time!”

    H2Slow, Part 3

    | Minnesota, USA | Money, Tourists/Travel

    Caller: "I was just wondering if my credit card will work the same in Hawaii as it does here?"

    Me: "Well, ma’am, Hawaii is part of the US, so it should."

    Caller: "I know. I was just making sure since we’d be flying over a body of water."

    Related:
    H2Slow, Part 2
    H2Slow

    Trying To Re-Coup Losses

    | Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money

    (An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)

    Me: “That’ll be [price]."

    Customer: “Why is it so much?”

    Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”

    Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”

    Me: “Yes, of course.”

    Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”

    Monsters Of The ID

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Money, Underaged

    (A customer wishes to pay with her debit card. I flip it over and see that it says ‘see ID’.)

    Me: “May I please see your ID?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It says ‘see ID’.”

    Customer: “No it doesn’t!”

    Me: “Yes, it does.”

    (I show her the small writing that says ‘See ID’.)

    Customer: “I know that’s there.”

    Me: “Then may I see your ID?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t apply to me.”

    Me: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “I put that there so that you can catch thieves that might use my card. It only applies to thieves, not me!”

    Caught Red Carded

    | New Zealand | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer comes in to get replacement debit card. Lost cards attract a replacement fee, but for stolen cards the fee is waived.)

    Customer: “I need to cancel my debit card and get a new one.”

    Me: “No problem. Was it lost or stolen?”

    Customer: *looks a bit confused* “I’ve only just noticed it’s missing. Does it make a difference?”

    (I explain about replacement card fee.)

    Customer: “Yeah, it think it must have been stolen when I left my wallet in the car earlier.”

    Me: “No problem. Do you happen to have any ID on you?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (The customer pulls out an old, tattered wallet that also clearly contains a reasonable amount of cash and gets a drivers license
    out.)

    Me: “Thanks. You were pretty lucky.”

    Customer: “How come?”

    Me: “Lucky they only stole your debit card from your wallet.”

    Customer: *suddenly looking guilty* “Yeah.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “So I’m going to charge the Replacement Card Fee?”

    Me:“Yeah.”


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