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    Category: Money

    If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense

    | Texas, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Customer: “How much is a push pop?”

    Me: “75 cents.”

    Customer: “What is that, a dollar?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Stripped Of Your Cash

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Money, Rude & Risque

    (The cardholder sounds very very drunk.)

    Caller: “Why did you let the card take out $5,000?”

    Me: “It shows that you did an ATM withdrawal for $5,000 in Las Vegas, NV. Was this you?”

    Caller: “No! It was the stripper she took it. She took it! Why did you let her take it?”

    Me: “Your card was stolen by a stripper?”

    Caller: “No, no, no! Why aren’t you listening to me?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t understand. What happened?”

    Caller: “I wanted a lap dance. So, I gave the stripper my card and PIN number to get money.”

    Me: “You gave her your card and PIN and told her to get $5000?”

    Caller: “No! Why aren’t you listening to me? I told the stripper to get $300 for my lap dance.”

    Me: “So, she took too much money?”

    Caller: “Why did you let her? When is she coming back? I want my lap dance.”

    (This goes on for a little while with the caller slurring his speech and stuttering.)

    Caller: “Why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “What would you like me to do?”

    Caller: “Fine! Don’t help me. I’ll go back to the tables and win back my fortune!”

    Don’t Take Declined For An Answer

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work at a large retail store. The store has its own credit card that customers can apply for.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I applied for a credit card yesterday, but I don’t have it yet. Can I still use it?”

    Me: “Sure, as long as you have the temporary credit slip that you were given when you applied. Do you have that?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh. Did you leave it at home?”

    Customer: “No. I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Didn’t you get one when you applied?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Well, were you approved for the credit card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “So, I can’t use it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t use a credit card that you weren’t approved for.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s stupid!”

    Stealer’s Remorse

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    (We sell, among other things, cards for a popular trading card game. A customer walks in, walks directly to the counter, and pulls a few cards out of his pocket.)

    Customer: “I’d like to purchase these, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, purchase? Don’t you mean sell?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t have the money at the time. However, I didn’t want anybody else to get them, so I just left with them. I’d like to pay for them now, thanks.”

    Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer comes in with a laptop that he bought and a laptop sleeve that he got for free with the laptop.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, this sleeve doesn’t fit the laptop.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s no problem, sir. I don’t have any larger sleeves, but you can take a look at the laptop bags.”

    Customer: “No, I just want my money back.”

    Me: “Well, sir, you didn’t pay anything for the sleeve. It came for free with the laptop as part of a promotion. I can return it for you, but you won’t get any money back.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can go ask the manager, if you like.”

    Customer: “Do that.”

    (I go in the back and talk to the manager, who tells me exactly what I just told the customer. Then, I head back out to the front.)

    Me: “Well, sir, the manager told me the same thing. I can return it, but you won’t get any money back.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! Who do you people think you are? I want my money back!”

    Me: “But, sir, you didn’t pay anything for it.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! Go get your manager! I’ll get your a** fired!”

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