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    Category: Money

    Why Math Counts

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Customer: *hands me two identical coupons*

    Me: “You want to use two 20% off coupons? That takes two dollars off each item. Using a five dollar off one would save you an extra dollar. Would you rather use that one?”

    Customer: “But using these two coupons saves me more.”

    Me: “Actually, you only save four dollars by using those. The five dollar one would save you more.”

    Customer: “But using more coupons saves more money!”

    Me: “That one coupon is worth more savings than those two, though. That coupon would save you a dollar more, and you can use those two 20% ones another day. Five dollars is more than four dollars.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I don’t understand how you think that!”

    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 6

    | Toronto, Canada | Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I’d like to pay my bill to [company] for $**.**.”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. Would you like your confirmation code?”

    Caller: “Sure.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s H–”

    Caller: “How do you spell that?”

    Related:
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 5
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 3
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2
    It’s Gonna Be A Long Call

    A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Newark, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

    Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

    Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

    Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

    (I tap him on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

    Customer: “W-what?”

    Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Where did you go to law school?”

    *pause*

    Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

    (The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

    Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

    Related:
    A Poser By Any Other Name

    Well, That Plan Is Out The Window

    | Madison Heights, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I had three coupons, but they flew out the window. Is there anything you can do for me?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, without the actual coupons there’s nothing we can do.”

    Caller: “Are you kidding me!? I’ve been driving thirty or forty minutes to get there!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but there is nothing we can do.”

    Caller: “You are so rude! Is there a corporate number I can complain too.”

    Me: “You can go on our website and file a complaint.”

    Caller: “Well, can I complain to you?”

    Me: “You already are.”

    Throwing A Spanner In The Wax

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer is trying to combine coupons on one purchase; this is not allowed. One is a coupon that allows her to buy expensive candles for half off and the other is a basic “free item with any purchase” coupon.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry ma’am, we’ll have to do this as two separate purchases. We’ll use your candle coupon first, then, if you just add another item you’ll qualify to use your second coupon and get your free item.”

    Customer: “But I was purchasing the candle to get the free item.”

    Me: “Yes, but you can’t use the coupon on the candle and then use a second coupon on the same purchase. But it’s okay, you can buy one of these cheap $1.00 items to qualify for the second coupon, I’ll just ring these items up separately.”

    Customer: “Or maybe I don’t buy anything at all!”

    (The customer swipes her cheap mailer coupon off the counter and walks away, leaving me holding her exclusive candle coupon.)


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