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    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “[Client], your bankruptcy has been discharged. Please come by the office to pick up the final paperwork.”

    Client: “So all my debt is gone?”

    Me: “Correct, sir.”

    Client: “So, how long before I can get more credit cards?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    Cannot Be Tailored To His Demands

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Money

    (I own a tailor shop. I typically ask customers if one week service is okay with them. This is because I am all alone here and need the time. Most are fine with it but some need things sooner. This is okay provided I have time available on whatever day. However, if they want it same day or next day, there is an upcharge since I have to stop anything else I am doing and let them jump the queue. My permanent special is on regular jean hems since they are the fastest hem to do. A customer walks in with two pairs of pants with fancy stitching on the hems and a bit of intentional distressing of the fabric.)

    Customer: “I want to get these both hemmed, but do you do the kind of hem where I get to keep this look at the bottom?”

    Me: “A European style hem? Yes, I do those.”

    (I take his information and measurements for the receipt and enter the jobs into the computer.)

    Me: “Now, is next Saturday okay for you?”

    Customer: *eyes bulge out of his face* “That long?! Really?”

    Me: “It is just what I like to ask for. I might be able to get them done sooner, though. What day would you like them done?”

    Customer: “Well, I am going to Vancouver on Tuesday, so…”

    Me: “If you aren’t leaving until later on Tuesday, I can have them ready for 9:30 pickup or, if you are willing to pay the urgent fee, I can have them ready tomorrow. I am closed Sunday and Monday.”

    Customer: *sounding impatient* “How much?”

    Me: *looking at the computer* “[Amount] for Tuesday or [amount +$10] for tomorrow.”

    Customer: *eyes stick out even more* “HOW MUCH?! But I came here because your sign outside says two for [amount which is half of the Tuesday price I quoted], and that is why I came here! That is false advertising!”

    Me: “I am sorry for the misunderstanding, but that price is for our basic hem, which is where I cut the pant and sew a new hem. It takes one machine and is an easy hem. It has an absolute turn around time of one week which is why it is a special price. The hem you want is more of a ‘deluxe’ hem and takes all three of my machines and more time, plus you want it sooner than one week.”

    Customer: “I don’t see why you need a week! You just need to cut it and sew! It would take a few seconds!”

    Me: “Regular hems don’t take long, but you don’t want that kind. Euros take longer, but not that long. The issue is that there are many people ahead of you and their work comes first. That is why if you want to skip the line, you have to pay a little extra.”

    Customer: *looking very disgruntled* “Well, the place in the mall will do it for [30% less than my regular euro price] AND they gave me a 10% off card to use!”

    Me: *knowing for a fact that the place in the mall charges a little less than twice what I do and doesn’t do a good job at all* “Well, that sounds like an excellent deal, sir. You’d better get there before they close, then. I am sorry I couldn’t help you today. Let me just get the pins out of these pants for you.” *does so* “Sorry again, but have a great weekend!”

    (The customer grabbed his jeans and left, still grumbling.)

    Lack-Of-Clothes Make The Lack-Of-A Man

    | UK | At The Checkout, Money, Rude & Risque

    (An older customer comes to my checkout. He has been staring at me a lot while he has been waiting for service. I am 17 at the time.)

    Customer: “Are you from [area in my town]?”

    Me: “Oh, no. I don’t live there.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I’ve seen you around there, at [address that is not mine].”

    Me: “Oh, no. You must be mistaken.”

    (The transaction continues, extremely awkward as he keeps insisting he ‘knows me from somewhere’ and has ‘seen my house’ and things to that effect. I brush him off as one of the harmless, odd customers that one sees in a day.)

    Me: “Right, so that comes to £52.56.”

    Customer: “Oh I only have £50 on me.”

    Me: “Well, if you have no other means of paying, we’ll have to take something off.”

    Customer: “Like your clothes?”

    Me: “…no.”

    Customer: “Like my clothes?”

    (I am speechless and upset, and about to go into a rant and call a security guard over, when the next customer intervenes.)

    Next Customer: “You are soooo creepy, mate.”

    (The customer scuttles off after paying me the full amount, obviously embarrassed about being caught harassing a teenage girl!)

    His Assumption Is Not On The Money

    | West Allis, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I’m a legal secretary at a law firm, and I answer a call.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Law Firm]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. You guys handle bankruptcies, right?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “Oh good. So, I think I need to file bankruptcy…”

    (The caller explains his financial situation.)

    Me: “Okay, I can go ahead and schedule an appointment with an attorney for a free consultation if you’d like.”

    Caller: “Yes, let’s do that. I just have a question, though. What would the cost be?”

    Me: “It would be [attorney's fee] plus costs.”

    Caller: “And I pay that after it’s all finished, right? I don’t pay anything up front?”

    Me: “Actually, you have to pay one-third of the fee up front.”

    Caller: “What! But I just explained that I have no money! That’s the whole point! Why do I have to pay up front?”

    Me: “Well, because if we allowed that, then clients would just cut and run once the bankruptcy is concluded, and we end up paying the cost of the case ourselves. It’s happened too many times before. It’s just our policy now.”

    Caller: *trying to sound sweet* “It’s such a shame that a few bad apples have ruined the process for everyone else.”

    Me: “Yes, it really is.”

    (Long pause.)

    Caller: “So, can I pay after the bankruptcy is concluded?”

    Me: “… No.”

    Caller: “D*** it! What’s the point?!” *hangs up*

    Didn’t Play Their Cards Right

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (Our store is having an Easter sale and has sent promotional emails to our customers, which contain ads and coupons. I’m ringing up a customer who has made a large purchase, most of which consists of gift cards, which are never discounted. When I tell her the total and how much she’s saved, she becomes upset.)

    Customer: “I spent nearly $300! My discount should be much higher!”

    (I double-check the totals to make sure I haven’t rung up anything incorrectly.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe your savings are lower because most of what you spent

    was on gift cards, and we don’t discount those.”

    Customer: “But the email I was sent had a picture of an Easter basket with a gift card in it! I should get my discount on the gift cards too, since there was a gift card in the picture! That’s false advertising!”

    (Despite my best efforts to explain, she asks to speak to my manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, a gift card is literally an exchange of money, dollar for dollar. We don’t ever give discounts on gift cards, and as you can see, we don’t charge tax on them either. That doesn’t happen until you purchase something with the gift card.

    Customer: “Oh… well, I guess I learned something today.”

    Manager: “For future reference, the fine print here on your coupon also states that we can’t discount gift cards.”

    Customer: “I could spend all day reading fine print if I wanted to. I have a Ph.D.! Nobody reads the fine print!”

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