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    Category: Money

    No ID, No Idea, Part 18

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (We ask for ID when the credit or debit card purchase is over 15 dollars. This customer’s total is $97.94.)

    Me: “Perfect, red for credit or type in the pin if it’s a debit card.”

    (The customer selects credit.)

    Me: “All right. Can I see your ID, please?”

    Customer: “Why the h*** do you need to see that?”

    Me: “To verify that the card matches the purchaser, sir.”

    Customer: “That’s why credit cards exist,boy! So that I can purchase whatever I want without ID! That’s how the world works son, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Well, sir, how do I know it’s you and not somebody stealing your card?”

    Customer: “Because it’s me! Nobody stole my card, did they?! I’m the one buying this right now with this card!”

    Me: “I would have no idea of knowing that unless I saw your Identification…”

    (He then gave me his ID and was very pleasant for the rest of the transaction. But I guess I learned how the world worked?)

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 17
    No ID, No Idea, Part 16
    No ID, No Idea, Part 15

    Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 3

    | TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at a mattress retailer.)

    Customer: “I want to see your [price] queen set.”

    Me: “Okay, right this way.”

    Customer: “Yes, that looks just like the one I bought at [Competitor] for [price $50 higher]. Do you guys have a price match policy?”

    Me: “Yes, if you find the same product cheaper somewhere else we’ll match it.”

    Customer: “Well, then, I want my $50 refund.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Under your guarantee, you have to refund me my $50!

    Me: “But… didn’t you just say that you got it for $50 higher than our price at [Competitor]?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “So, you want us to refund you the $50 despite the fact that our price is lower, and you have never purchased anything from us.”

    Customer: “Yes! How hard is this to understand? That’s what a price match guarantee is!”

    Me: “Uh… I’m sorry ma’am, but I can’t refund you money you never spent, plus the price match only applies if you buy the product from us and then find it cheaper somewhere else.”

    Customer: “Don’t try and confuse me! You have to give me $50. It’s in writing and I’ll sue you for false advertising if you don’t! You’ll be fired!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but what you need to do is go to [Competitor] and enquire about their price match guarantee. If you want to return your product there, I would be happy to sell you this one for [price].”

    Customer: “I can’t believe your lack of customer service! I’m never shopping here again!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you have yet to purchase anything from us in the first place.”

    Customer: “Well, I never!”

    (She stormed out of the store. I have no idea if she got her $50, but good riddance!)

    Related:
    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2
    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

    Stupidity That Defies Explanation

    , | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a fast food restaurant as a cashier. A grumpy old man approaches my counter with a voucher.)

    Me: “Good morning. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a bacon and egg muffin with a coffee, and I have a voucher.”

    (I take the voucher and ring it up at the discounted price.)

    Me: “That’ll be £1.99, please.”

    Customer: “What?” *complete with a puzzled/angry expression*

    Me: “That’ll cost you one pound and 99 pence, sir.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I want to use this voucher, for a free coffee.”

    Me: “Yes, with the voucher that costs £1.99.”

    Customer: “No, no.”

    Me: “Yes, it does, sir. The voucher is for a ‘free coffee with the purchase of a muffin.’ The bacon egg muffin is £1.99, and that’s all you’re paying so the coffee is free.”

    Customer: “NO, I want a BACON AND EGG MUFFIN, and I want to use this voucher for a free coffee.”

    Me: *at a loss for words* “Well… yeah, that’s fine, but it will cost you £1.99.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not following you. You’ve lost me.”

    Me: “Okay. You want a bacon egg muffin, and a coffee, yeah?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Right, and you have a voucher. It says if you BUY a muffin, the coffee is free, yeah?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay. So you must buy the muffin, which costs £1.99—”

    Customer: “—no! I want to use the voucher.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t explain it any more simply than that. The voucher says you need to buy a muffin to get a free coffee.”

    Customer: “You’ve lost me; I want to speak to someone else.”

    (I find my manager, who comes to my aid.)

    Manager: “Hi, what was it you wanted?”

    Customer: “I want a bacon and egg muffin and a coffee with this voucher!”

    Manager: “Okay that’ll be £1.99 please.”

    (The customer hands over £1.99 with no qualms! I can finally serve the idiot.)

    Customer: *in a condescending tone* “That wasn’t difficult now, was it?”

    Me: *in an even more condescending tone* “Nope, it really wasn’t.”

    In For A Penny, In For A Pound Bag

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    Boyfriend: “Baby carrots are $0.99 for a one pound bag and $1.99 for a two pound bag.”

    Me: “I need two pounds.”

    (My boyfriend grabs a two pound bag and a customer next to him does as well.)

    Me: “You know, it’s technically cheaper to buy two one pound bags—”

    (The customer next to my boyfriend suddenly SLAMS his carrots down, snatches two one pound bags from the display and SPRINTS away.)

    Me: “…by one penny.”

    Doesn’t Fit The Bill

    | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a gift shop at a castle. A puzzled customer comes up to the till.)

    Customer: “How much are your postcards?”

    Me: “They’re 50 pence.”

    Customer: “So 50p means 50 pence?”

    Me: “Yep, they’re the same thing.”

    Customer: “Okay, so, I have a certificate for 5.”

    (We don’t do gift certificates to the best of my knowledge, so…)

    Me: “Sorry; when you say certificate, what exactly do you mean?”

    Customer: “It’s like a… bill?”

    Me: “A five pound note?”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: *baffled* “May I ask where you’re from?”

    Customer: “I’m from California.”

    Me: “Right, well, basically, our pence are like your cents, and our pounds are like your dollars. It’s 100 pence to a pound.”

    Customer: “OH! That makes so much more sense of all of your shops!”

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