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    Category: Military

    Full Metal Jacket Potatoes

    , | Norway | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Military

    (On my way home from work, a buddy and I are stopping at a fast food joint just outside the military camp/training facility in my town. There is a long line of soldiers, privates, I assume, but also a young civilian lady almost at the front. As we have finally gotten to the front and are waiting for our food, a sergeant comes through the camp gates and walks directly to the front of the line.)

    My Friend: “Excuse me, but I think this young man was first.”

    (He points to the private who was about to place his order when the sergeant, rather rudely, walked in front of him.)

    Sergeant: “No, I think that will be fine. Don’t you think so, [private's name]?”

    Private: “Yes, of course, sir.”

    My Friend: “I don’t. Why do you think you can just go ahead of everyone else?”

    Sergeant: “Because I am their superior officer! Now quit wasting my time.”

    Me: “Ahem. Are you her superior officer too?”

    (I point at the young girl standing a couple places behind him in line.)

    Sergeant: “Well, no…”

    My Friend: “Then get to the back of the line then! Have some common courtesy!”

    (The sergeant walked sheepishly to the back of the line. We went over to our car and made sure to stay and watch until everyone had gotten their food, so he wouldn’t just barge ahead again.)

    Love And War

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Military, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (My husband and I wed three weeks before he leaves for Afghanistan, so we decide to postpone our honeymoon until after he comes home. A year later, we finally find time for our honeymoon and decide to go to Vegas. As we’re boarding the plane, we’ve decided to wear what we had worn for the wedding so we can arrive in style: he’s in his formal Army dress uniform, while I’m in my cocktail-length wedding dress.)

    Flight Attendant: “We would now like to invite our first class passengers and any members of the military in uniform and their guests to board.”

    (As we get up to board, a male passenger scoffs loudly.)

    Passenger: “That’s bulls***! Why should that f** get to board first?!”

    (There are gasps from the other passengers.)

    Passenger: “F***ing murderer! You should be ashamed of yourself.”

    (At this point, my husband and I are beet red with anger and embarrassment, but we choose to ignore this man and board the plane. After the rest of the plane has boarded, a member of the flight crew approaches us in coach.)

    Flight Attendant: “Sir, ma’am: two of our passengers would like to offer you their seats in first class.”

    Me: *shocked* “You’re kidding!”

    Flight Attendant: “Not at all, ma’am. They’ve cleared it with us, and would like to switch seats with you before we take off, in recognition of your service.”

    (As we stand up, the other passengers take interest. An older gentleman and his wife began to make their way back from first class, obviously the couple who had offered their seats to us.)

    Gentleman Passenger: “Are you folks on your honeymoon?”

    Husband: “Yes, sir.”

    Gentleman Passenger: “Wonderful.” *in full voice, so the whole plane can hear* “My wife and I would take it as a personal favor to us if you would sit in our seats up in first class. I served in the military, as did my father, as well as two of our sons, one of whom is no longer with us. And I wanted to let you both know how proud we are to be flying with you today and for everything you’ve done for us and our country. I’m dreadfully sorry for the way you were treated when you were boarding, and we hope you enjoy the seats and have a lovely honeymoon and a wonderful life together.”

    (By now, I am in tears, and the man shakes my husband’s hand while his wife gave me a big hug. We went up to first class and the gentleman and his wife took our seats in couch to applause from the whole plane and flight crew. Furthermore, the crew treated us like royalty for the whole flight. We were told upon disembarking that the people who were seated next to the passenger who had slurred us in the first place had asked to be moved away from him, and that he was given enough dirty looks and reproachful comments that he pouted for the entire flight.)

    Height Trumps Hate

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Military, Rude & Risque, Top

    (My younger brother has come to town to visit me. I take him to the bar I work at for a few drinks and to meet my friends there. A regular customer who has been hitting on me for months comes in and sees us sitting together in one of the booths.)

    Customer: *tries to look down my shirt* “Huh, and I thought after all this time you were a f***ing lesbian. Or is this f** your beard?”

    Me: “I’m not working tonight. Go bother someone else.”

    (The customer slides into the booth next to me, and tries to put his arm around my shoulders.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you send your f** boyfriend off to get some beer and we can have a nice talk?”

    (Note that my brother has been sitting slouched in the booth, concealing his size.)

    Brother: “Why don’t you take your hands off of her and f*** off?”

    (The customer springs out of the booth and stands near my brother in a really stupid looking ‘karate’ pose.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you make me, you f***ing f**?! Huh?! Why don’t you make me?”

    Brother: “Okay…”

    (As he starts to slowly get out of the booth, the customer realizes his mistake. The customer is maybe 5’8″, while my brother looms over a foot taller than him at 6’9″. My brother grabs him by collar and belt and throws him out.)

    Brother: “And it’s Sergeant, not f**, if you don’t mind!”

    (I love my little brother.)

    Semper Bye Bye, Part 2

    | MN, USA | Health & Body, Military, Top

    (I’ve recently come back from a week off recovering from surgery. This takes place when a semi-regular customer, who has always been a bit of a pain, sees me back.)

    Customer: “You! Where the h*** have you been?! Off on vacation, I assume, off enjoying yourself not giving two s***s about your customers!”

    Me: “Actually, I was recovering from surgery.”

    Customer: “Right, you expect me to believe you had surgery done? You were probably on vacation! Don’t you know you people don’t get a vacation? You are put on this earth to cater to people like me!”

    Me: “Yeah, no.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Me: “I’m not put here to cater to you. In fact, I’m refusing you service.”

    Customer: “You can’t do that, you stupid b****! Do your f***ing job before I beat some sense into you!”

    (By this point, a coworker and the owner have overheard the commotion and come over.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Go ahead and clock out.”

    Customer: *startled* “What?”

    Coworker: “You wanted to have a go at her, right? Well, I’m letting her go clock out. I should warn you, though, she’s a black belt and she served two tours in Iraq. Good luck to you, sir.”

    Customer: *to the owner* “I want her fired!”

    Owner: “I want to watch her kick your a** all over our parking lot. We can’t always get what we want.”

    Customer: “You can’t speak to me this way! Don’t you know who I am?”

    Owner: “Can’t say that I care who you are.”

    Customer: “I’m very important!”

    Coworker: “No you aren’t. People who say that are never important. Are you also kind of a big deal?”

    Customer: “I DEMAND something be done about this! What are you going to do?!”

    Owner: “Well, first I’m going to kick you out, then I’m going to let her go kick you around our parking lot, THEN I plan to give both my employees here raises for having to deal with people like you.”

    Customer: “You can’t do that!”

    Owner: “Sure I can. Oh, and I’d get moving if I were you. I’m sending her to clock out right now.”

    Customer: “Right, like you can do anything to me.”

    Me: “Honey, I was trained by the US Marines. Do you really want to take that chance?”

    (The customer finally believes me and suddenly looks terrified. He starts backing away with his hands out.)

    Customer: “Hey, we were just fooling… no harm done, right?”

    Me: “Wrong, I’ll give you a ten second head start…”

    (The customer runs out of the store in a blind panic. We never saw him again after that. My coworker and I did in fact get a raise!)

    Related:
    Semper Bye Bye

    Schwarzenegger Fi

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Bizarre, Military

    (I work in a New Age sort of store, so we get some interesting types.)

    Customer: “I’m the son of Jesus and am preparing for World War III. Do you own any guns?”

    Me: “Yeah, I do actually.”

    Customer: “Good! You can come fight with me and my friends when the armies come.”

    Me: “Um… no thanks. I actually have my own apocalypse plan, in case of zombies and stuff.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Well, make sure that when it happens, you watch out for any Marines you see!”

    Me: *shocked* “My brother is a Marine!”

    Customer: *shakes head sadly* “He’s lost. He’s a cyborg. You’ll have to destroy him before he destroys you!”

    Me: “Thanks for the heads up…”

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