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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    A Capital Offense

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science, Technology

    (A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

    Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

    Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

    Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

    Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

    Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

    Doesn’t Recognize The Gravity Of Her Statement

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Math & Science

    (I work in a rather well known nickel arcade in Portland. Most of our games give out tickets which guests can redeem for prizes. We count these tickets by weight using a scale. A customer approaches my co-worker at our counter with her family; three young children.)

    Coworker: “Hi there! All set to count your tickets?”

    (Her children nod; all are very polite and well behaved.)

    Customer: “You know, I don’t like that you count tickets by weight like that: I don’t trust that scale.”

    Me: “We get that a lot ma’am; the scale is very accurate, and we round up just in case.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but you always crumple the tickets up more when there’s more of them. That makes them weigh more.”

    Coworker: “I’m not sure I understand.”

    Customer: “The tickets weigh more when they’re all smooshed together than when they’re all loose!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, weight doesn’t work like that.”

    Customer: “Yes it does! It’s like when you take a cotton ball and dip it in water, and then it weighs more!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it weighs more because the cotton ball absorbs the water.”

    Coworker: “If you took a brick and weighed it, and then smashed it to pieces and weighed all the pieces, it would weigh the same.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make— oh, whatever!” *to her children* “Just pick some d*** prizes!”

    A Softened Approach To Mathematics

    | Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I have just finished setting up a display of fabric softener liquid and sheets. A customer approaches me and gestures to the price sign.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but is everything on this display two for $5?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. That sign is for the liquid. The fabric softener sheets are only $1.99.”

    Customer: “But the sign says they are two for $5!”

    Me: “That’s for these items. But the sheets are only—”

    Customer: “That’s what the sign says, and that is the price I want them for.”

    Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to charge you more for these items?”

    Customer: “No, I want you to give them to me for the price you have advertised them for.”

    (She pauses abruptly, looking down at the phone where she had been fiddling with her calculator app. She realizes her error.)

    Customer: “Oh, I am so embarrassed!”

    Me: “It’s okay! Enjoy your two for $3.98 fabric softener sheets!”

    Barking Up All The Trees

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (I’m working in a garden center.)

    Customer: “Hey, lady! Do you know something about plants?”

    (I have a diploma in gardening, and been working here for five years.)

    Me: “Yes, a lot actually.”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a very specific plant. It’s very unique and it has flowers! And you have to feed it with water also!”

    Me: “Okay… can you—”

    Customer: “It’s kind of big also!”

    Me: “Can you gave me a little bit more specification on that plant?”

    Customer: “It has green leaves!”

    Green-Fingered When It Comes To Painting

    | AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (An extremely irate customer approaches me with a can of paint that has barely any product left in it.)

    Customer: “You guys made a mistake! I want my money back right now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This paint made my walls green! If I wanted green, I would have purchased green!”

    (I take the nearly-empty can of paint, and pry off the lid. Inside, the color showing is a vivid, aqua-marine blue.)

    Me: “Hmm. Let me check this out for you.”

    (The customer smugly smiles and puts her hands on her hips. I grab a wooden paint stirrer and scrape the bottom of the can. I look at the stick, and see that there is a very vivid, aqua-marine blue at the base of the stick.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you put any primer on your walls before you painted them?”

    Customer: “No! I just painted over the color that was already there!”

    Me: “Of course. And, can you please tell me the color of the original wall?”

    Customer: “It was yellow.”

    Me: “And yellow, plus blue, makes?”

    Customer: “Gree—oh…”

    Me: “May I help you with a selection of primers?”


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