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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    Won The Gold Medal For Most Stupid Customer

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

    (I work on the shop floor of a DIY store. A customer comes up to me holding a torch and looking confused.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m not quite sure how this torch would work.”

    Me: “You just put AA batteries in it and push the button on the side here.”

    Customer: “But it says here on the label that this is a silver-coloured torch.”

    (She points at the label on the silver torch and it does indeed say ‘Torch – Colour: Silver.’)

    Me: “Yes, that’s right…”

    Customer: “But how can light be silver?”

    Me: “Oh, no, the light is white like a standard torch. The colour on the label refers to the colour of the metal.”

    Customer: “But… it says it’s silver…”

    (At this point I get a black torch off of the shelf to show her that the label says ‘Torch – Colour: Black’)

    Me: “See, the label on this one says black and this metal is black.”

    Customer: “But it says it’s a silver coloured torch!”

    (After 10 full minutes of explaining, the woman handed me back the silver torch and walked off muttering about false advertising.)

    Only A Hundredth Of The Intelligence

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

    (Our shop prints a lot of the sizes on products in cm when a lot of older customers are more familiar with inches.)

    Customer: “Hi, I need help with these curtain sizes, please!”

    Me: “What’s the matter?”

    Customer: “It says here the length is 228 cm, but I’m not sure what that means.”

    Me: “Okay, well 228 cm is roughly—”

    Customer: “Because I need a 2.28 m length curtain!”

    Me: “…”

    Small Minds Can’t Do Small Print

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work for a big fast food company and occasionally we have coupons for which no one bothers to read the fine print, which says to let the order taker know of the coupon prior to ordering.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get this meal?”

    (Because I have worked for so long and know most of the prices I don’t always punch the orders in right away which comes in handy when the people don’t tell me about the coupon beforehand.)

    Me: “Okay your total is [total]. Please drive ahead.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon!”

    Me: “Sure. In the future please let me know before your order.”

    Customer: “Whatever.”

    (Customer drives off and pulls up to my window.)

    Me: “Okay your new total is [total]; may I have the coupon, please?”

    Customer: “I don’t have it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I cannot give you a discount without the coupon.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Well, my management requires me to collect the coupons.”

    Customer: “But I can print them online as much as I want!”

    Me: “True. However I do need to collect the coupon to give you the discount.”

    Customer: “This is bull-s**t! I don’t understand why I can’t get the d*** discount!”

    (I try to explain it the concept in the simplest terms I can think of.)

    Me: “Think about it this way: Can you get into a concert without the ticket?”

    Customer: “I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING! I’M NOT SOME DUMB TEENAGER LIKE YOU DOING SOME S*** MINIMUM WAGE JOB!”

    (Clearly natural selection has stopped since people like this are still around…)

    In For A Penny, In For A Pound Bag

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    Boyfriend: “Baby carrots are $0.99 for a one pound bag and $1.99 for a two pound bag.”

    Me: “I need two pounds.”

    (My boyfriend grabs a two pound bag and a customer next to him does as well.)

    Me: “You know, it’s technically cheaper to buy two one pound bags—”

    (The customer next to my boyfriend suddenly SLAMS his carrots down, snatches two one pound bags from the display and SPRINTS away.)

    Me: “…by one penny.”

    TARDIS Rental Services

    | Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Money, Transportation

    (I work in a travel agency and we handle a lot of rental car bookings. Note: if you book a car early, and want to change something about the booking, the rate for the car will change. This exchange takes place with a customer who has booked a car about three months prior:)

    Customer: “I’d like to change my booking to pick the car up a day earlier.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to take care of that.” *pulls up new booking info* “Your new rate is going to be  [several hundred dollars more].”

    Customer: “For that much, I could just go buy a car. The new rate is supposed to only be $30 dollars more for an extra day.”

    Me: “That’s not how it works. You booked this three months ago and that rate isn’t available anymore. That extra day rate is if you return it a day later, not if you pick it up a day earlier.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just go back to then and re-book it for me?”

    Me: “You want me to travel back to March and book this for you again?”

    Customer:“Yes.”

    Me: “I can’t travel through time to re-book this for you. I’m sorry. If you want to change it—”

    Customer: “—well never mind. I’ll just take care of it myself.” *storms out of the office*

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