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    Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    Nature Abhors A Vacuum-Head

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    (I overhear this conversation between two girls who look to be around fourteen or fifteen, lining up for an exhibit.)

    Girl #1: “Those flowers are pretty.”

    Girl #2: *while texting* “Yeah I guess.”

    Girl #1: “Oh my god! Don’t move! There’s a fly on you!”

    Girl #2: *in a horrified voice* “N-N-Nature!”

    A Heated Topic

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (Note: a lunch party is sitting outside on our deck, which overlooks the waterfront.)

    Me: “How is everything, folks?”

    Customer: “Oh, the food’s great! It’s just a bit chilly out here.”

    Me: “If you’d like, I can move you to a table inside, where it’s warmer.”

    Customer: “Actually, could you just turn up the heat?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The heat? Could you turn it up out here?”

    Me: “There is no heating system.”

    Customer: “Then, what’s that?” *points to railing around the deck*

    Me: “That’s the railing.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s a heater! It’s warm!” *touches railing as to show me how warm it is*

    Me: “It’s warm because its been sitting in the sun.”

    Customer: “Don’t try to trick me! I’m a scientist, and I know that heaters make things warm!”

    Hollywood, M.D.

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

    Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

    (I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

    Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

    Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

    Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

    Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

    Me: “Where did you see it?”

    Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

    Bulk Mail To The Future

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Math & Science, Technology

    Caller: “Hi, I called earlier and spoke with someone about getting a quote? She was supposed to email it to me, but I haven’t seen it yet.”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. How long ago was she supposed to have sent it?”

    Caller: “Maybe ten minutes ago?”

    Me: “Let me check with her. Did you check the spam folder, just in case?”

    Caller: “I’ve never opened that folder. I really don’t think it would be there anyway.”

    Me: “Well, sometimes business emails will automatically go to a spam folder based on their settings. You might want to check anyway.”

    Caller: “That’s ridiculous! It wouldn’t be there. Those emails are from the future!”

    No Brains And The Bees

    | Maryland, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have anything I can spray on my flowers to keep the bees off them?”

    Me: “You want to keep the bees off your flowers?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you sell that?”

    Me: “Do you understand how flowers work?”

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