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    Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    H2Slow, Part 2

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I’m watering plants in my aisle when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Are these real?”

    Me: “Yes they are.” * continues pouring water*

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “I’m watering them, miss.”

    Customer: “Doesn’t mean they’re real.”

    Related:
    H2Slow

    Naturally Stupid, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Math & Science, Technology

    Caller: “I can’t access [cable channel]!”

    Me: “Okay, let me assess your problem. When was the last time you tried to access [channel]?”

    Caller: “It was last night.”

    Me: “Alright, was there any out-of-the-ordinary weather last night? Say, like a storm?”

    Caller: “Yeah, there was a thunderstorm. I had nothing to do, so I was trying to watch [channel name], but it wouldn’t let me! It was all fuzzy on the screen.”

    Me: “Sir, I think the thunderstorm interfered with your television power lines, which is why you couldn’t access your channel.”

    Caller: “But I thought your cable company was supposed to make me able to watch any channel in any weather! That’s the whole reason I switched!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, nothing can prevent Mother Nature. When she strikes, we cannot do anything to bring back channels that may have been lost momentarily.”

    Caller: “Who’s ‘Mother Nature’? Is she the one sabotaging my TV?!”

    Related: Naturally Stupid

    Nature Abhors A Vacuum-Head

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    (I overhear this conversation between two girls who look to be around fourteen or fifteen, lining up for an exhibit.)

    Girl #1: “Those flowers are pretty.”

    Girl #2: *while texting* “Yeah I guess.”

    Girl #1: “Oh my god! Don’t move! There’s a fly on you!”

    Girl #2: *in a horrified voice* “N-N-Nature!”

    A Heated Topic

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (Note: a lunch party is sitting outside on our deck, which overlooks the waterfront.)

    Me: “How is everything, folks?”

    Customer: “Oh, the food’s great! It’s just a bit chilly out here.”

    Me: “If you’d like, I can move you to a table inside, where it’s warmer.”

    Customer: “Actually, could you just turn up the heat?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The heat? Could you turn it up out here?”

    Me: “There is no heating system.”

    Customer: “Then, what’s that?” *points to railing around the deck*

    Me: “That’s the railing.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s a heater! It’s warm!” *touches railing as to show me how warm it is*

    Me: “It’s warm because its been sitting in the sun.”

    Customer: “Don’t try to trick me! I’m a scientist, and I know that heaters make things warm!”

    Hollywood, M.D.

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

    Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

    (I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

    Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

    Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

    Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

    Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

    Me: “Where did you see it?”

    Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

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