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  • Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    Let Me Just Go Check In The Back-terium

    | Rockland, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    Customer: “Your Stilton doesn’t have enough blue cheese in it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We should be getting some more in tomorrow if you’d like to come back.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just go in the back and put more penicillin in it or whatever?”

    Spaced Out

    | New Mexico, USA | History, Math & Science

    (I work in the astronomy section of my local natural history museum, which features several large NASA photos. A visitor approaches me and points at a picture of an astronaut doing a spacewalk.)

    Visitor: “What is that astronaut doing?”

    Me: “Oh, he’s doing a spacewalk.”

    Visitor: “You can walk…in space?!”

    Me: “Well, no. They just sort of float there while tethered to the spacecraft. They only do it when they need to exit the shuttle to do repairs.”

    Visitor: “Oh…” *points at a photo of Apollo 11 launching* “What’s that?”

    Me: “That’s Apollo 11 launching to put the first humans on the moon.”

    Visitor: “Oh…why didn’t they just build a big ladder?”

    Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

    | Tempe, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Math & Science, School

    (At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

    (I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

    Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

    Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

    Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

    Student: “Water, duh!”

    (There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

    Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”

    Gluing Up Appearances

    | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (This happened while I was working at an upscale restaurant in North Carolina. It’s during one of the worst droughts in history.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, here is your table. It’s right by the window as requested.”

    Customer: “Can we have another table?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’d be glad to move you to another table, but this is the only one available near a window.”

    Customer: “Well, I just don’t want to look out at the dead tree.”

    Me: “Dead tree?”

    Customer: “Yes, you see that dead tree out there? Honestly, your groundskeeper should be doing a better job.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s because we are currently in a drought.”

    Customer: “So? He should at least water it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s against the law to water lawns and trees right now.”

    Customer: “Well, he should at least go and glue some fake leaves to the tree!”

    Seeing The Sun In A Whole New Light

    | Narvik, Norway | Geography, Math & Science, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a store, where a lot of tourists come through. A German motorcyclist couple are on their way up to the North Cape.)

    Customer: “Oh, your country is so beautiful! We’re going all the way up to the North Cape on our motorcycle.”

    Me: “Wow, how fun! Hope you get lucky with the weather then.”

    Customer: “Thank you dear. Yes, we have always wanted to see the midnight sun. We have saved up for this trip for years.”

    Me: “Well, then I really hope the weather gods are on your side. Would be a shame if it were all cloudy and grey when you get there.”

    Customer: “Oh, they say the midnight sun is so bright, it’ll shine through just about anything when it comes up! Can’t wait!”

    Me: “When it comes up? The sun is up all the time now.”

    Customer: “What? We’re here to see the midnight sun! You know, the one that shines at midnight?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the midnight sun is the sun. The only sun. Only difference is that it’s so high here up north that it never sets. It just circles around a little. Therefore we can see it at night.”

    Customer: “What!” *she turns to her husband and rants in German* “Did you hear that? We’ve been ripped off! It’s the same sun as we have at home! And to think we came to this s*** expensive country, drove all the way, and it’s the same Sun!?”

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