Category: Math & Science

Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

A Few Slices Short Of A Pie

| Mississippi, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I am taking an order over the phone. The caller has never ordered here before and isn’t familiar with the menu.)

Caller: “How many slices are on your 12 inch?”

Me: “8.”

Caller: “What about your 18 inch?”

Me: “8.”

Caller: “I thought the 12 inch had 8 slices.”

Me: “It does. They both have 8 slices.”

Caller: “How is that possible? If they both have 8 slices, shouldn’t they be the same size?”

Me: “No, miss. The slices are just different sizes. The number of slices doesn’t make the size of the pizza. They both have 8 slices, but the 18 inch has much bigger slices.”

Caller: “Oh. Right. Can you cut it twice, to make the slices smaller?”

Me: “Of course. We can double cut it for you.”

Caller: “So, how many slices would that be? What, 12?”

Me: “16.”

Caller: “No. If you normally have 8 slices, and you cut them twice, it should be 12 pieces, not 16.”

Me: “It’s 16, Miss. 8 times 2 is 16.”

Caller: “Whatever…I don’t think so. You have wings?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “What sizes?”

Me: “8, 12, 18, 24, and 50.”

Caller: “Oh, alright. I’ll take a 10 piece.”

Me: “We have an 8 piece and a 12 piece.”

Caller: “No, I said a 10 piece.”

Me: “I know…we don’t have a 10 piece, but we do have an 8 piece or a 12 piece.”

Caller: “I’m pretty sure you have a 10 piece. My sister said she always gets a ten piece. Are you new? Maybe you should check the menu!”

Me: “I’ve worked here for 3 years. We’ve never had a 10 piece and I’m looking at the menu on the computer right now. 8 or 12?”

Caller: “Fine. 12!”

You’re Just Shorting Yourself

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money, Top

(On this day, we are selling cups of tall coffee for a quarter to celebrate our 25th anniversary in Canada.)

Customer #1: “One short dark coffee.”

Me: “Oh, today is your lucky day! A tall coffee is a quarter, so let me get you a bigger cup of coffee for less money!”

Customer #1: “I want a short.”

Me: “Well, a short is 8 oz at $1.74 after tax, but a tall is 12 oz at $0.28 after tax—today only.”

Customer #1: “Don’t cheat me! I don’t want more coffee!”

Me: “But it costs less…maybe I could charge you for a tall and just fill it half way?”

Customer #1: “Stop your trickery and give me what I want. You are trying to rip me off!”

Me: “Okay. One short coffee…that’s $1.74.”

Customer #1: “Thank you. Was that so freaking hard?!”

(The customer walks away, and the next customer approaches.)

Customer #2: “So, let me get this straight: I can get like four coffees for the price of a short?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer #2: “Oh, that’s a great deal! I’ll get four!”

(Hearing this, Customer #1 turns back to the counter, enraged.)

Customer #1: “You’re giving him FOUR?! You’re playing favorites, you b****!”

Me: *shocked*

Customer #2: “How much do you hate your job right now?”

Animal, Mineral, Debatable

| Boston, MA, USA | Math & Science

(The store I worked at sells rock and mineral specimens, so it’s quite common that customers don’t know much about what they are buying. Luckily, I have a geology background, so I can explain in detail what things are.)

Customer: *points up at a piece* “What is that?”

Me: “It’s a chrysanthemum stone.”

Customer: “Well, what is that?”

Me: “It’s strontium sulfate that forms on top of a black limestone.”

Customer: “But what IS that?”

Me: “Strontium sulfate is Celestite. This is just a different form of it, but deposited on a limestone; it looks like a flower.”

Customer: “But what is THAT though? It’s not a fossil of a flower, is it?”

Me: “No, it’s a mineral on top of a limestone. Limestones are a fine-grained sedimentary rock. The crystallization just makes it looks like a flower.”

Customer: “So it’s a rock on top of another rock?”

Me: “Not technically, but sort of…I don’t know how to explain it simpler than that.”

Customer: “So, it’s two rocks in one! I’ll take it.”

Me: “Okay, great. I’ll assume you want an info card on it?”

Customer: “Nah, it’s just a rock on a rock. That’s all I need to know!”

Dumb By Any Metric

| Oklahoma, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Customer: “What’s the difference between these two water heater gas lines?”

Me: “One is two feet long, and one is four feet long.”

Customer: “But what is the difference? They’re priced differently.”

Me: “Um, one is 24 inches long, and one is 48 inches long.”

Customer: “I don’t understand! Why should I buy one over the other?”

Me: “Because one is only this long.” *holds arms two feet apart* “And one is this long.” *hold arms four feet apart*

Customer: “You don’t have to be so rude!” *storms away*

The DST Fairy Bids Thee Good Morning

| Grapevine, TX, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

(I am working in guest care at a hotel. It’s the morning after “springing forward”, and a guest calls down to ask the time.)

Guest: “What’s the current local time?”

Me: “It is 7:45 AM.”

Guest: “Then why does my clock say that time already? Did you send a maid into my room while I was sleeping to set my clock forward?! That is just unacceptable!”

Me: “Sir, the rooms all have atomic clocks that are automatically set by satellite signal.”

Guest: *click*

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