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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    Intelligence Levels Are Falling

    | Adirondacks, New York, USA | Math & Science

    (It is the peak of foliage in the fall. We’ve just had a few massive rain storms and lost a lot of the leaves that had already changed.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [lodge], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “We wanted to come up and stay to check out the foliage. About how far would you say you are from peak?”

    Me: “Well, we were probably about a week away, but after recent storms we lost a lot of the leaves.”

    Customer: “About how many would you say you lost?”

    Me:”Um, I would say maybe half?”

    Customer: “Do you think you’ll be getting any more?”

    Build Up Of Hot Air

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Math & Science

    (Our store is mostly outdoors, but it has a small greenhouse where cafe customers often sit and have coffee.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I would like to sit in the greenhouse. Could you open a vent for me?”

    Me: “Actually, when it’s windy like today it rattles a lot when the doors are open, so you might be more comfortable with them closed.”

    Customer: “But we can’t sit in there without ventilation. What about the greenhouse gas?!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Greenhouse gas! Like global warming! You can’t let people sit in there if you’re letting the greenhouse gas build up!”

    Must Have Lymphed Their Way Through Biology

    | St. John's, NL, Canada | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    Me: “Okay, well I’d like to do some tests on your cat.”

    Client: “Which kind of tests, how does that work?”

    Me: “I’d like to do some blood-work. We take it just like a doctor would take human blood.”

    Client: “Cats have blood?!”

    Knows Knot Of Mass

    | Houghton Lake, MI, USA | Math & Science

    (I work for a discount store that sells bulk birdseed that the customer scoops themselves. A customer approaches the counter with a bag that’s quite full but not tied.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?” (I start tying the bag shut so I can lift it on the counter to weigh without spilling.)

    Customer: “No! Don’t!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Don’t tie a knot in it or it’ll weigh more!”

    Me: “Ma’am. I’m sorry but, how’s that possible?”

    Customer: “It’s a knot! They’re heavier!”

    (Ursa) Major Pain In The A**

    | Moscow, Russia | Crazy Requests, Math & Science

    (A customer calls and asks that he and his friend need to be picked up. He sounds intoxicated.)

    Me: “Where should the driver pick you up?”

    Caller: “Do you know Ursa Major?”

    Me: “Ursa Major? Is it a name of a local business? A restaurant or a hotel?”

    Caller: “What is this world coming to? It is a constellation! In the sky! We are standing right under it!”


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