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    Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Math & Science, Money

    (I have just rung up a customer who is purchasing two items that are part of a two for $5 promotion in our store.)

    Customer: *sighing in exasperation* “You didn’t ring this up correctly. They’re supposed to be two for $5.”

    Me: “I’m sorry…I’m pretty sure the items came to $5 before tax. May I look at the receipt again to make sure?”

    Customer: “You think I don’t know what I’m talking about?”

    (The customer slams receipt on the counter and jabs her finger at the prices.)

    Customer: “See what I’m talking about?! You rang both items up at $2.50!”

    Me: “Yes. $2.50 plus $2.50 is $5.”

    Customer: “Whatever! You aren’t worth my time!”

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide, Part 2

    | Liverpool, UK | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (When a customer orders water at our restaurant, it shows up on their receipts as H2O.)

    Customer: *loudly* “I think you’ve given me the wrong bill. You’ve charged me for H2O. I only had water!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “I want a refund. I’m not paying for something that I didn’t even have!”

    (She carries on ranting for a couple of minutes until her friend points out to her in a surprisingly calm way that H2O is water.)

    Customer: “Oh, is it?! I thought that was juice!” *slinks out looking embarrassed*

    Related:
    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

    Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual

    | Minnesota, USA | Math & Science

    (I have been helping a customer find an apple tree he wants to give as a gift.)

    Me: “Just so you’re aware, if the person you’re buying this for doesn’t have another apple tree, or there isn’t one close by, this tree isn’t going to produce any fruit.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, apple trees only produce fruit through cross-pollination.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “Well, the simplest way for me to explain is: People are unable to reproduce with themselves, right?”

    Customer: “So, is this tree male or female?”

    Me: “Well, apple trees are asexual.”

    Customer: “So, it’s gay?!”

    Adventures In The Third Dimension, Part 2

    | Massachusetts, USA | Math & Science

    Customer: “Hi, I called earlier about getting a storage unit.”

    Me: “Okay. What size were you looking for?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. You told me on the phone.”

    Me: “Hmm, well, there are 4-5 people in this office who answer the phone at any time. I don’t think I spoke to you.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it was…hmm. I don’t remember.”

    (I walk her outside the office into the parking lot show her a painted grid on the ground that illustrates the different sizes. I take a long time explaining the different sizes, and how much each costs. She has a price/size list in her hand the whole time. She looks very confused but finally seems to understand and decides she wants a 10’x10’ storage unit. We go back in the office so we can do the paperwork.)

    Customer: “Okay, so, 10’x10’ is the width?”

    Me: “Well, 10’x10’ means the space is ten feet wide and ten feet long.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “The grid you just looked at painted on the ground shows only the footprint of the storage unit.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “The illustration grid painted on the ground does not show the third dimension, which is height. The ceiling is about 8 feet high.”

    Customer: *blank stare* “So…I can stack things UP?” *she looks excited*

    Me: “Yes. You are not renting a two-dimensional space.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “You are not renting a parking space. You are going to be renting a three-dimensional storage space.”

    (I gesture with my hands to make the shape of a three dimensional box.)

    Customer: “This is so confusing!”

    Related:
    Adventures In The Third Dimension

    When Life Demands Too Much, Go Scientology

    | Naperville, IL, USA | Math & Science

    (I work in a store where we blend toppings in with the ice cream. The prices for addition “mix-ins” are posted in giant numbers.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a small cake batter with Oreos, Heath Bar, M&Ms, fudge, and peanut butter sauce!”

    Me: “Okay, coming up!”

    (At the register.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $x.xx”

    Customer: “What?! It says on your board that it is $3!”

    Me: “Yes, but you got additional toppings, which increase the price.”

    Customer: “Numbers aren’t real! Only scientologists believe in numbers! Why should I have to pay if I don’t believe in numbers?”

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