Category: Math & Science

Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

Barking Up All The Trees

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(I’m working in a garden center.)

Customer: “Hey, lady! Do you know something about plants?”

(I have a diploma in gardening, and been working here for five years.)

Me: “Yes, a lot actually.”

Customer: “I’m looking for a very specific plant. It’s very unique and it has flowers! And you have to feed it with water also!”

Me: “Okay… can you—”

Customer: “It’s kind of big also!”

Me: “Can you gave me a little bit more specification on that plant?”

Customer: “It has green leaves!”

Green-Fingered When It Comes To Painting

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(An extremely irate customer approaches me with a can of paint that has barely any product left in it.)

Customer: “You guys made a mistake! I want my money back right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This paint made my walls green! If I wanted green, I would have purchased green!”

(I take the nearly-empty can of paint, and pry off the lid. Inside, the color showing is a vivid, aqua-marine blue.)

Me: “Hmm. Let me check this out for you.”

(The customer smugly smiles and puts her hands on her hips. I grab a wooden paint stirrer and scrape the bottom of the can. I look at the stick, and see that there is a very vivid, aqua-marine blue at the base of the stick.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you put any primer on your walls before you painted them?”

Customer: “No! I just painted over the color that was already there!”

Me: “Of course. And, can you please tell me the color of the original wall?”

Customer: “It was yellow.”

Me: “And yellow, plus blue, makes?”

Customer: “Gree—oh…”

Me: “May I help you with a selection of primers?”

Putting Yourself Into An Awkward Superposition

| West Lafayette, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Math & Science, Top

(I’m studying physics at a major university. I work at an ice cream store, and when we don’t have anything to do I usually do my reading for physics. A customer walks up to the counter to get a spoon, and then sees one of the diagrams in my physics book.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re reading a picture book. I’m glad you found something that you’re smart enough to read. What’s it about?”

Me: “String theory and theoretical quantum physics.”

Customer: *long pause*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; should I use smaller words? Maybe I could draw you a picture?”

Customer: *quietly* “May I please have a spoon?”

Water Is A Force(Field) Of Nature

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work in a small outdoors store. Most of our customers are total gear-heads and know almost as much about the product as we do. A well-dressed man who looks to be in his sixties walks in, stansd in front of the cash register, and announces loudly that he needs a new coat as “the rain kept getting in” his old one. I proceed to speak to him for about an hour. Despite English appearing to be his first language, he doesn’t seem to understand the term ‘waterproof’.”

Me: “This is another good option over here, totally waterproof and seam-sealed. It’s from [brand]. I guarantee the rain won’t get in it.”

Customer: “So, the rain won’t get in this one?”

Me: “Not at all.”

Customer: “It won’t get in? Not even a little bit?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Even through the top?”

Me: “Well… not if you put the hood up.”

Customer: *nods curtly and smiles* “I see. So you’re sure the rain won’t go through this one?”

Me: “No, it’s waterproof. The rain won’t go through.”

Customer: “So…” *looks as if a light bulb just went off* “Does the rain touch the jacket at all?”

Coworker: *who has heard the whole exchange* “Sir, it’s a rain jacket, not a force field.”

Having A Light Bulb Moment

| AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Me: “Thanks for calling [company name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m calling because my bill is too high!”

Me: “Alright, I can pull up your account and see what could have caused the increase in—”

Customer: “It’s always been too high, and I think it’s this distribution charge.”

Me: “Ah, well that comes from the regulated electricity distributors, the ones that own and maintain the lines in the area. They send that information to us; we don’t have any control over that, unfortunately.”

Customer: “It’s a bulls*** charge! I don’t need no distribution!”

Me: “Well… the charge is for maintaining the electrical lines that transmit the electricity—”

Customer: “Transmitting the electricity?”

Me: “Yeah… you know, sending it out there.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? They don’t have to send it anywhere!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “When I turn on the lights, they just come on. I don’t have to wait for the electricity to get there, it’s already there.”

Me: “That’s not how electricity works, sir.”

Customer: “Of course it is! It turns on right away because the electricity is there. It doesn’t move!”

Me: “Sir… do you have a microwave?”

Customer: “Of course I do.”

Me: “And when you use your microwave, it works immediately, correct?”

Customer: “Right, because the electricity is already in there.”

Me: “So, why do you have to plug it in if the electricity is already there?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “If you unplug your microwave it doesn’t work anymore, right?”

Customer: “Well, yes! What does that have to do with—”

Me: “That’s because the electricity has to travel through the cable to get to the microwave to make it work.”

(He mutters as he’s grasping for something to argue.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: *click*

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