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    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    Fractional Intelligence, Part 2

    , | Jasper, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I work at the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like a 16 piece family meal with two thirds of it fish.”

    Me: I’m sorry, ma’am; did you want 10 or 11 fish?”

    Customer: “What do mean?”

    Me: “Two thirds isn’t a proper fraction to use. It will give you between 10-11 pieces. So how many pieces would you like?”

    Customer: “I don’t see how you get those numbers. Just give me 12 fish. Is that a fraction you can figure out?”

    Me: “Yes, one 16 piece, 3/4 fish the rest chicken. Is there anything else for you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t see the difference between 3/4 and 2/3, but okay.”

    Related:
    Fractional Intelligence

    Putting The Pain In Pain Au Chocolat

    | Portland, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (I’m 21 years old, but look considerably younger. I have just spent the day with my professor collecting ticks for a research internship, as well as driving quite a bit to find proper fitting gear for the next time we go out.)

    Me: “…and I’d like a chocolate pastry.”

    Cashier: “Okay! That’s the last one; they’re fantastic!”

    (The customer behind me suddenly starts shouting.)

    Customer: “NO! I wanted one of those; what makes you so special you get to have one? I’m your elder; you should give it to me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I was here first, and I’ve had a long, stressful day. I would like to get it, as it is the first thing I will have eaten since 7:30 this morning.”

    Customer: “What could you have done that was so stressful? You’ve clearly been laying out in the sun; you’re sun burnt for crying out loud! I’ll have you know that I have had an extremely stressful day, and as your elder, I would like this pastry.”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, she was here first. Unless she wants to give it to you, I am going to let her have it.”

    Customer: “Well, she should give it to me. I mean, how hard is it to lay out in the sun all day?”

    Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, I have been outside working in the field all day, capturing small mammals and collecting deer ticks from them, and releasing them. I have dealt with angry squirrels, as well as a very frightened cardinal. I then had to drive about 300 miles today to find proper fitting gear. While I may look younger, I am 21 years old. I would like that pastry, as it is now 5:00 pm, and I have not eaten anything since this morning, and I need to continue driving home after this. If I may ask, what was so stressful about your day that could possibly compare to that?”

    Customer: “I BROKE A NAIL! Do you understand how much that hurts?”

    (The customer storms away to get a manager, who, having heard the whole thing, laughs in her face.)

    They Are In The Lower Percentile

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I’m a sales associate at a popular clothing store. I’m in the middle of an eight-hour shift on Black Friday, when a customer calls on the phone. The customer speaks in a very confused tone the entire time.)

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [store]! This is [name] speaking; what’s on your wish list?”

    Customer: “Hi. So you guys are having a sale, right?”

    Me: “Yep! Everything is 40% off today!”

    Customer: “Okay. So is that 40% off our entire purchase, or 40% off each individual item or our purchase?”

    (Thinking I must have heard her incorrectly, I just repeat myself)

    Me: “Right, everything in the store is 40% off today.”

    Customer: “Okay. Well, whoever rang me up today clearly did it wrong. They rang my entire purchase as 40% off, instead of each item separately as 40% off.”

    Me: “Well, that adds up to the same thing.”

    Customer: “Wait, really?”

    Me: “Yes. 40% off the entire purchase is the same thing as 40% each thing in the purchase.”

    Customer: “Oh… thanks.”

    (The customer hangs up. My coworker is staring at me.)

    Coworker: “Please tell me that did not just happen.”

    A Capital Offense

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science, Technology

    (A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

    Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

    Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

    Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

    Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

    Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

    Doesn’t Recognize The Gravity Of Her Statement

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Math & Science

    (I work in a rather well known nickel arcade in Portland. Most of our games give out tickets which guests can redeem for prizes. We count these tickets by weight using a scale. A customer approaches my co-worker at our counter with her family; three young children.)

    Coworker: “Hi there! All set to count your tickets?”

    (Her children nod; all are very polite and well behaved.)

    Customer: “You know, I don’t like that you count tickets by weight like that: I don’t trust that scale.”

    Me: “We get that a lot ma’am; the scale is very accurate, and we round up just in case.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but you always crumple the tickets up more when there’s more of them. That makes them weigh more.”

    Coworker: “I’m not sure I understand.”

    Customer: “The tickets weigh more when they’re all smooshed together than when they’re all loose!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, weight doesn’t work like that.”

    Customer: “Yes it does! It’s like when you take a cotton ball and dip it in water, and then it weighs more!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it weighs more because the cotton ball absorbs the water.”

    Coworker: “If you took a brick and weighed it, and then smashed it to pieces and weighed all the pieces, it would weigh the same.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make— oh, whatever!” *to her children* “Just pick some d*** prizes!”

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