October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Math & Science

Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

He Must Be A Theorist

| USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology

(I support the scientists in a large research building. I get a call from one of them.)

Caller: “I need help removing my extended absence greeting from my voice mail.”

Me: “Okay, to do that you need to login to your voicemail and select option 4.”

Caller: “How do you do that?”

Me: “You press 4.”

Caller: “I don’t know how to do that. Can I get an onsite visit?”

Me: “We can’t generate an onsite visit for this issue; however, if you go to our intranet site there is a chart with all the menu options.”

Caller: “That’s too complicated.”

Me: “…you’re a scientist with several Ph.D.’s.”

Not Part Of The 99 Per Cent

| Glendale, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(I’m currently working the front checkout and a man walks up to purchase his items, I scan all the items and bag them.)

Me: “That will be $19.86.”

Customer: “That’s way too much. You must have scanned it wrong.”

Me: “No, everything is there.”

(I then show him the screen so he can see.)

Customer: “That can’t be right. If that is $5.00, and that is $3.00—”

Me: “But it isn’t. They are $5.99 and $3.99—”

Customer: “Hold on! Let me show you.”

(The customer gets a pen and paper from my checkout and starts adding it up.)

Customer: “See, $5.00 plus $3.00 plus $7.00 equals $15.00. It’s showing up wrong.”

Me: “But it is $5.99, $3.99 and $7.99. It makes a difference.”

(By now, several other customers are waiting, so I pull out a calculator to show him.)

Me: “$5.99 plus $3.99 plus $7.99 plus sales tax comes out to $19.86.”

Customer: “Well, you NEVER mentioned SALES TAX!”

(The customer pays for the items and leaves. I begin helping the next customer in line.)

Next Customer: “Well, that was dumb.”

Retail Access Memory

| Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Math & Science

(I have an excellent memory. I work at a tool store and have memorized every model number. When customers walk up to the counter, I type in the numbers and give them the total before they put the items down. )

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

Customer: “How did you do that? You didn’t scan anything.”

Coworker: “He’s ‘Rain Man.’ He has everything in this store memorized.”

(The customer grabs a random saw blade from a nearby stack.)

Customer: “What about this?”

(I rattle off the price, UPC, and price with tax.)

Customer: “Ha! That isn’t the model number.”

Coworker: “Look at the barcode.”

(The customer reads the 12-digit number, and is dumbfounded.)

Me: “To be fair those things never scan. It’s one of the UPCs I have memorized.”

Customer: “So… want to go Vegas?”

(I’m now a network engineer and shock my coworkers constantly with how I have the entire network’s IP and subnets memorized. I earned the nickname ‘Rain Man’ again.)

Quantifying Stupidity

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(We have several self-checkout machines at our store, which I am in charge of. For certain produce, the machine will ask for a quantity.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME, MISS!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “The machine isn’t working!”

(I walk over and notice the machine is asking for a quantity. It says ‘enter the quantity’ both aloud and is also displayed on the screen.)

Me: “Oh, it just wants to know the quantity.”

(The customer stares at me blankly.)

Me: “How many do you have?”

Customer: “Ohhh!”

Requires An Ounce Of Common Sense

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(We offer burgers as 1/3 pound patties or 1/2 pound patties. There’s only a $1 difference between the prices.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between the 1/3 and 1/2 pound burger?”

Me: “There are 16 ounces to a pound. So, 1/2 a pound is 8 ounces, 1/3 is just over five ounces.”

Customer: “Umm…”

Me: “The recommended portion of protein for a meal is 4 ounces. So, a 1/3 pound would be right around the recommended portion; 1/2 a pound would be twice that.”

Customer: “Umm…”

Me: “Are you just a little hungry, or very hungry?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, let’s go with the 1/2 pound burger. It’s only a dollar more. If you don’t eat it all, I can box it for you and you can take it home.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to take it home. So, what’s the difference again?”

(I finally have to make completely inaccurate round shapes with my hands to convey the size.)

Customer: “I want the little one.”

(End of the meal comes…)

Customer: “I’m still hungry. Did I order the little burger, or the big burger?”

Me: “The 1/3 pound; the little one.”

Customer: “Ugh, why didn’t you tell me to order the big one?”

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