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    Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    Predicting A Storm Of Protest

    | Boulder, CO, USA | Geography, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I work at an answering service that handles after-hours calls for various businesses. One of the accounts was a nice restaurant in the mountains of Colorado. A man calls one April to make a reservation.)

    Caller: “I was hoping for a table on May 16th?”

    Me: “It looks like there are various times open, so I can certainly set that up for you.”

    Caller: “Okay, great. I’m going to be vacationing up there with my wife.”

    Me: “Well, that sounds lovely!”

    (We set up his dinner reservation.)

    Caller: “So, can you give me any advice about what I should pack for a long weekend there? What is the weather like?”

    Me: “Well sir, Colorado weather is very unpredictable, particularly in the spring. I would advise bringing clothing options for all seasons and dressing in layers.”

    Caller: “I just want to know if I should pack warm clothes or short sleeves!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I understand that. However, springtime in Colorado has weather ranging from snowstorms to hot and sunny.”

    Caller: “Oh, what nonsense. You clearly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Me: “Sir, I have lived in this state all my life. A common saying here is that if you don’t like the weather you should wait five minutes, and that holds true all year. Spring and autumn are the most unpredictable and varied when it comes to temperature, so—”

    Caller: “What was the temperature today?”

    Me: “Today? Well, this morning it was thirty degrees with heavy frost on the ground, and by noon it was about seventy-five with clear skies and sunshine—”

    Caller: “Are you trying to be difficult? There’s no reason to be a smart-a**, you know.”

    Me: “No, sir, not at all. I’m very genuinely trying to help you. Even for people who are used to it, weather changes here can be quite—”

    Caller: “You’re no help at all! I’ll just bring a few pairs of shorts and t-shirts.”

    Me: “Sir, please don’t do that. You will need warmer clothes in the mountains!”

    Caller: “So, now I should bring my winter clothes? Why didn’t you just say so?!”

    Me: “Well, you should, but bring some cooler clothes as well because—”

    Caller: “No! It has to be one or the other! I don’t want to bring more than I need!”

    Me: “You will definitely NEED options for highly variable temperatures. I’m very sorry, but—”

    Caller: “You’re useless! It’s just four days. It can’t be that complicated!”

    Me: “Look, four days ago it was shorts and tank top weather. Two days ago it snowed for a day and a night. I personally keep a heavy coat and a pair of sandals in my car because there are days when I need them both. Believe me, I wish it were all nice and predictable, but it really IS that complicated. I’m not making this up for fun.”

    Caller: “Oh, I’ve never heard such nonsense. Springtime is bound to be nice, so I’ll pack for that. Thanks for nothing!”

    Me: “Sir, I really advise—”

    Caller: “And cancel the dinner reservation!” *click*

    (May 16th turns out to be a properly variable week, with wind, rain, sun, and overnight snow.)

    It’s Cent-less To Argue

    | Allentown, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    (I am a cashier at the front end of a grocery store. A customer hands me four $1 bills.)

    Customer: “$3.50 in quarters please!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Customer: “You heard me; I’d like $3.50 in quarters.”

    Me: “Wouldn’t you just like the $4 in quarters?”

    Customer: “No? If I wanted that, then I would have asked for $4 in quarters.”

    Me: “Then how would you like the remaining $0.50?”

    Customer: “What remaining $0.50? Look, I don’t know what is so hard about this.”

    (I just gave the customer his $4 worth of quarters, and he walked away.)

    Anatomy Of An Idiot

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes to the register and puts a leather bound copy of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on the counter.)

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this book; it wasn’t what I expected.”

    Me: “Okay, I can do that for you.”

    Customer: “It was terrible; it’s not at all like the television show.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “It’s my favorite show, and I was really excited to read this, but I don’t know what they were thinking with this book.”

    (I am dumbfounded, but I finish the transaction and send the customer on her way. The next customer in line approaches.)

    Next Customer: “How is it you manage to get through a full day of that sort of bull-s*** and not punch yourself in the face?”

    Me: “No idea, sir.”

    Stupid Laws Of Spacetime

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I have been stuck in traffic for two hours due to a crash on the motorway.)

    Customer: “MY ORDER IS OVER AN HOUR LATE!”

    Me: “I am truly sorry; I was stuck in traffic on the motorway.”

    Customer: “And you didn’t call!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is illegal to use a phone whilst in control of a motor vehicle.”

    Customer: “I know that! I’m not stupid. Are you? Are you stupid?”

    Me: “I’m sorry again, sir. If you call my supervisor, I’m sure they will reimburse you your delivery charge.”

    Customer: “Are you ignoring my question on purpose? Are you stupid? Or are you just retarded like the rest of your colleagues?!”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m not. I have a basic understanding of quantum physics and molecular biology. What do you have?”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Me: “Good day, sir.”

    Doesn’t Have The Math Jeans

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (A customer is trying to exchange a pair of jeans. My coworker notices he will be getting some money back.)

    Coworker: “Sir, this pair of jeans is less than the pair you bought earlier, so I will give you the cash back.”

    Customer: “That’s it! Give me my d*** pants back! I don’t want to deal with this s*** anymore!”

    (My coworker looks stunned at the guy’s outburst.)

    Coworker: “But sir, you’ll be getting money back!”

    Customer: “I don’t care! Just give me my d*** pants back! Or explain it to me; I don’t understand this!”

    Coworker: “Well sir, this pair—”

    Customer: “Just give me the d*** pants! You guys always do s*** like this; you just lost a good customer!”

    (The customer grabs the pants and storms towards the doors. As he leaves, a second customer stars applauding, and yells after him.)

    Customer #2: “Sure doesn’t sound like it!”

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