Me: “Sir, a drink costs £1.85 and you’ve given me £1.70.”

Customer: “So, that’s not enough?”

Me: “It’s a good start…”

Customer: “But I study mathematics!”

(I am stocking shelves in my store when a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Do you know why Clorox is called Clorox?”

Me: “Possibly because its active ingredients include chlorine and oxygen atoms?”

Customer: “There’s no oxygen in Clorox! That’s what we breathe! You kids need to go back to school, cause you ain’t learnin’ nothin’!” *storms away*

(I’m working at the checkout and have just weighed several peaches for a customer.)

Customer: “Oh, wait, sorry…I have one more peach to weigh. Have you already weighed the others?”

Me: “Yeah, but that’s okay. I’ll just weigh it separately.”

Customer: “No, that’s not okay!”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “Because they would have weighed differently if they were put together. It would be less!”

Me: *speechless*

(I’m makeup artist on a counter in a large department store. Although I don’t have anything to do with the department store, lots of customers approach me for help, and I’m usually able to assist.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell the Nintendo 3DS?”

Me: “We don’t in store, but I can order one for you.”

Customer: “You know, I wish everything was in 3D. The world would be so much more interesting!”

Me: “Ma’am, everything is in 3D, including yourself.”

Customer: “Whatever. Airheaded bimbo!” *storms off*

Related:
Get A Life
A New Dimension Of Stupidity

(I have just rung up a customer who is purchasing two items that are part of a two for $5 promotion in our store.)

Customer: *sighing in exasperation* “You didn’t ring this up correctly. They’re supposed to be two for $5.”

Me: “I’m sorry…I’m pretty sure the items came to $5 before tax. May I look at the receipt again to make sure?”

Customer: “You think I don’t know what I’m talking about?”

(The customer slams receipt on the counter and jabs her finger at the prices.)

Customer: “See what I’m talking about?! You rang both items up at $2.50!”

Me: “Yes. $2.50 plus $2.50 is $5.”

Customer: “Whatever! You aren’t worth my time!”

Related:
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up