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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Math & Science

    Everyone needs basic math and science skills to survive. However, these customers were definitely sleeping their way through class!

    The Sun Never Sets On Ignorance

    | CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (Several highways intersect at our small town. It is morning. People tend to get turned around easily.)

    Customer: “Does the sun always rise in the north here?”

    Me: “…”

    Their Math Education Came At A Discount

    | Aurora, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (My work has a toilet on sale for $189.00, which is a 40% discount. Most people are very pleased with the deal and I personally have sold quite a few.)

    Customer: “Why is this on sale?”

    Me: “It’s just a deal that we came up with for our customers.”

    Customer: “Is it damaged?”

    Me: “No, sir, not at all. This is only a display model, as well. You will be getting one that is boxed.”

    Customer: “What if I want this one?”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a display model. Displays are not for sale. You get one in a box, straight from the maker.”

    Customer: “That is just weird.”

    Me: “Well, the display model gets touched by hundreds of people. The one you get will be nice and new.”

    Customer: “What about the price?”

    Me: “It’s a great deal. It’s 40% off!”

    Customer: “That’s it?”

    Me: “Sir?

    Customer: “That doesn’t seem like that great of a deal.”

    Me: “Well, sir, the original price is $315, so you would be saving $126.00 on it.”

    Customer: “Can I pay $126 and still get it?”

    Me: “No, sir. You would still owe me over $60 dollars.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because the price is $189.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make sense. It’s $126 off so that is what I should pay. That is my offer.”

    Me: “We don’t sell things by offers, sir. We sell them by the listed prices. The item is 60% off, which makes the price $189.00. It is a huge discount from the original price.”

    Customer: “But I made my offer.”

    Me: “Yes, but we don’t sell things by best offer. We sell things by our prices. The price is $189.00.”

    Customer: *pulling out his phone and using a calculator app* “But $126 is only 40% off! So your 189.00 is way higher than what you think! So because you are wrong, I should get it at $126.”

    Me: “Sir, discounts don’t work that way. You subtract the discount from the original. 315 minus 126 is 189, making it a 40% discount. To pay $126, you would be receiving a 60% discount.”

    Customer: “That is not true! Give me the discount you advertised!”

    Me: “That is what I am trying to do.”

    Customer: “Liar!” *storms off*

    Next Customer: “Was he really unhappy saving over a hundred dollars?”

    Me: “Apparently, yes.”

    Next Customer: “Well, I think it’s a great deal. I’ll buy two for my house, as long as you ring it up!”

    Physically Hilarious

    | PA, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science

    (I work at a science museum, running interactive exhibits that demonstrate scientific principles, although mostly it’s just fun and games. I’m currently running an exhibit that consists of a unicycle on a track 20 feet in the air; it’s held steady by a 300-pound weight underneath it, and rides simply like a bike with an elaborate seat belt. The bike does wobble, and we’re told to warn people of that.)

    Me: “Once you put your feet on those peddles, you will feel the bike sway. That’s alright; it’s supposed to happen. With the weight underneath you, there’s no possible way you’ll fall.”

    Guests: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “I’m sure. If you fall, I’m going to be way more concerned about the laws of physics breaking.”

    (Surprisingly, not many guests think I’m funny.)

    An Argonizing Encounter

    | London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Cashier: “Did you find everything you needed?”

    Customer: “No. I was hoping you could help me, actually. I’m looking for a shampoo. I can’t remember the name but it has argon in it.”

    Cashier: “Argon, madam?”

    Customer: “Yes that’s right, argon.”

    Cashier: “Oh! You must mean argan oil. I can show you…”

    Customer: “No, no! I don’t want oil in my hair! I said ARGON.”

    Cashier: “But madam, shampoo doesn’t contain—”

    Customer: “Do you even know what argon is?”

    Cashier: “Yes, madam. It’s a gas. Sometimes used in lightbulbs. I don’t think it’s used in shampoo, though.”

    Customer: “You really don’t know what you’re talking about, do you? Just because it’s a gas doesn’t mean it can’t be mixed. Water has oxygen in it, you know!”

    Me: “Excuse me, madam, but I’m in a hurry and if you’re looking for argon compounds you’re going to be here a very long time.”

    Customer: “What do you know, exactly?”

    Me: “I know that argon is a noble gas so you’re very unlikely to find any compounds of it in this shop.”

    Customer: *scoffs* “It’s not that hard to get hold of it! They just use recycled lightbulbs.”

    Me: “Noble doesn’t mean rare. The stuff’s over 20 times more common than carbon dioxide. It means it’s almost completely unreactive. To get a compound you could mix into a shampoo, you’d need a very high-tech lab and a lot more money than anyone would pay for shampoo.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll go somewhere they know what they’re talking about!” *storms out*

    Me: “Yeah, good luck with that.”

    Cashier: “Um… yeah. Thanks for that”

    His Knowledge Of Science Blows

    | WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (Due to the weather, I am calling people who had pre-registered to come to watch the Geminid Meteor Shower at the nature center. One of the gentlemen tries to be optimistic about it.)

    Gentleman: “What if we got enough people together and had them blow all at once to get rid of the clouds?”

    Me: “Well, I’d hate to have someone pass out from all the blowing.”

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