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    Category: Love/Romance

    Customers sometimes bring their love lives (or lack thereof) with them–for better or worse. PS: be sure to visit Not Always Romantic for more love/romantic stories!

    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 3

    | TN, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Love/Romance, Top

    (My uncle is gay, but isn’t flamboyant. He works as a service advisor at a car dealership. He is scheduling an appointment for an elderly customer.)

    Uncle: “Alright, so if you come in next week, we can fix your car. However, I am going to be on vacation next week, so you’ll need to see [other service advisor].

    Customer: “Ah, that’s alright. Where are you heading to?”

    Uncle: “I’m going to Cape Cod.”

    Customer: “Well, be careful up there.”

    Uncle: “Why?”

    Customer: “Cause up there’s Queersville.”

    Uncle: “Uh… excuse me?!”

    Customer: “Queersville; it’s full of f**s!”

    Uncle: *calmly* “Thank you for warning me. I’ll be sure to tell my boyfriend, cause he sure hates f**s!”

    Customer: *turns pales and leaves*

    Related:
    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part

    Weekly Roundup: Love Is (Not) In The Air!

    | Not Always Right | Love/Romance, Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: Love Is (Not) In The Air! Valentine’s Day may be over, but the love (or lack thereof) from customers never ends. Check out this week’s five romance-themed customer stories!

    1. Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here (2,877 thumbs up)
    2. It Was A One-Horned Fabulous Purple People Lover (2,203 thumbs up)
    3. Please Don’t Single Me Out (1,300 thumbs up)
    4. Don’t Get Short With This Customer (3,058 thumbs up)
    5. My Butter Half (2,197 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    PS #3: Want more romantic (or not-so-romantic) stories? Visit our sister site, Not Always Romantic!

    It Was A One-Horned Fabulous Purple People Lover

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance, Top

    (I am a gay man, bringing my boyfriend lunch at work. I arrive right when his lunch break is scheduled, but he is busy with a customer. I stand to the side at an unused register, to wait for him.)

    Elderly Customer: “You are so adorable! Just the cutest smile… adorable cheeks… great eyes!”

    My Boyfriend: *blushes* “Thank you, ma’am.”

    Elderly Customer: “You would be PERFECT for my granddaughter. She’s about your age, you know!”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, thank you, but I’m already taken.

    (He points out the engagement ring I got him two years ago.)

    Elderly Customer: “OH! That’s a beautiful wedding ring! When did you get married?”

    My Boyfriend: “Actually, I’m not married; I’m engaged. We haven’t set a date for a ceremony yet.”

    Elderly Customer: “What?! Engaged?! Since when do women give engagement rings to men?!”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, ma’am, my engagement ring came from my boyfriend. He proposed to me, and we plan to hold a ceremony in the next year or two.”

    Elderly Customer: “Boyfriend? What do you mean, ‘boyfriend?’”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, I’m gay, ma’am. I’m engaged to another man.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, don’t be silly! You’re not gay!”

    My Boyfriend: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

    Elderly Customer: “No, you’re not. Gay people don’t exist. It’s all a stupid liberal conspiracy.”

    My Boyfriend: “I can assure you, ma’am, I’m gay, and we do exist.”

    Elderly Customer: “No, you don’t! And, no, you aren’t! Gay people aren’t real. No one is gay, queer, homo, ‘special,’ ‘light in the loafers,’ or ‘limp wristed.’ Just because you aren’t a masculine man, honey, doesn’t mean you are less of a man.”

    My Boyfriend: *dumbfounded*

    (At this point, the customer turns to me since I’m standing nearby.)

    Elderly Customer: “Can you believe this adorable boy, saying he’s gay? As if I was just born yesterday!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I can believe it. I’m the one who gave him the engagement ring he’s wearing.”

    Elderly Customer: “What?! You think YOU’RE gay too?!”

    Me: “I don’t think I am, ma’am, I know I am.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, for the love of God! Now you’re gonna tell me you are a unicorn, too! Or a fairy! Or the Loch Ness Monster!” *turns back to my boyfriend* “Don’t worry, sweetie. I am sure the unicorn boy over there just has you confused. I’ll send my granddaughter in so you can meet her!”

    My Boyfriend: “Really, ma’am, that isn’t necessary.” *points at me* “I’m perfectly happy as is.”

    Elderly Customer: *also points at me* “Don’t listen to the unicorn! He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!”

    My Boyfriend: “Okay, ma’am. Well, here is your receipt. You have a good day!”

    (The customer proceeds to take her bags, walks a few feet away, grabs the closest coworker, and points to my boyfriend and me. Note that my coworker hasn’t heard any of the conversation.)

    Elderly Customer: “See them? They are unicorns!”

    Coworker: “Wait… what?”

    Elderly Customer: “They are unicorns! Sparkly, flittery, girly unicorns!”

    Coworker: *confused* “Okay, ma’am. I’ll keep that in mind.”

    Elderly Customer: “You do that.” *turns to us as she walks out* “Bye bye, unicorns!”

    An Ink-ling That They’ve Been Cell-eeping Around

    | Saginaw, MI, USA | Love/Romance, Technology

    Customer: “Hey man, you do printers? I got this printer here. It doesn’t work, doesn’t print, doesn’t take paper, and just says ‘carriage jam.’ How much you tryin’ to charge me here?”

    Me: “Whoa, hold on. Let’s take a look. It’s usually just a piece of paper in there. No big deal.”

    (I plug the printer in, load up some scrap paper to test it on, and hit the copy button. It makes a makes a horrible grinding noise and shakes so hard the front panel pops open.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s not a piece of paper. Any idea what happened?”

    Customer: “No, man. I was just printing… uh… pictures, man… just nothing for work, you know?”

    (I open all the access doors and start pushing against the rollers. I see a gray object with a headphone jack and a screen on it stuck way down into the mechanism.)

    Me: “Sir, have you lost a cell phone recently?”

    Customer: “No, man. It’s not a cell phone. It’s a printer, man. PRIN-TER.”

    Me: “No, I know. It’s just… you seem to have a cellphone stuck down in there.”

    I turn the printer around and show the customer. I eventually get his cellphone out, and as I go to print his receipt and he powers up his phone. Suddenly, the customer starts screaming, scaring everyone in the store.)

    Customer: “That b****! F***ing w****! It’s HIS phone!” *breaks the phone*

    (The customer gets a grip on himself and manages to pay his bill.)

    Customer: “Knew it! F***ing knew it!” *walks out the store, minus his printer or cellphone*

    Love In The Time Of Customers

    | Texas, USA | Love/Romance

    (I work at a tourist company where we sell fishing trips.)

    Elderly Customer: “Do you have availability for this date?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we’re booked until next week.”

    Elderly Customer: “And I bet if I asked for your phone number, you’d tell me ‘Sorry,’ too.”

    Me: *laughing* “Well, I’d tell you my husband might not approve of that!”

    Elderly Customer: “Husband? You have a husband? Those tend to get in the way! “

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