October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Love/Romance

Customers sometimes bring their love lives (or lack thereof) with them–for better or worse. PS: be sure to visit Not Always Romantic for more love/romantic stories!

Those Who Don’t Read, Can’t Read The Signs

| England | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Love/Romance, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am female. After leaving university, I have to cut my dreadlocks out to help me get a job. My hair is very short. My boyfriend and I enter a sandwich shop with our three-month-old son. They sit down while I go up to order, but there’s a bit of a queue. Two girls, also with very short hair, come in looking visibly upset and embarrassed. A few moments later, a group of very over-tanned girls come in, and join the queue. The other two short-haired girls try to avoid eye contact with them. One of the tanned girls approaches me.)

Tanned Girl #1: “Hey you, they fancy you.”

(She gestures over to the short-haired girls.)

Me: “Okay?”

Tanned Girl #2: “Do you fancy them?”

Me: “Well no, I’m straight.”

Tanned Girl #2: “You’re not straight at all!”

Me: “I’m not?”

(I call out to my boyfriend.)

Me: “Hey, when did you become a girl?”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “Well, according to these girls, I’m gay. So you must be a woman, and our son must be an immaculate conception. Either that, or these girls have their heads up their a****.”

(The two shirt-haired girls begin to giggle.)

Tanned Girl #3: “Wait, so you’re straight?”

Me: “What was your first clue?”

Tanned Girl #1: “But you’ve got short hair.”

Me: “Yes I do, which we all know is natural penis repellent.”

(Everyone in the shop is laughing.)

Me: “Now, will you please leave me and these girls alone, and stop being homophobic?”

Tanned Girl #2: “We’re not homophobic!”

Me: “You tried to make fun of me because you thought I was gay. Judging by the looks on their faces when you came in, I’m going to guess you were making fun of these two earlier for the same reason. You tease people because they’re homosexuals, therefore you’re homophobic. Maybe if you pulled your heads out your a**** every once and a while, you could take a look in a dictionary.”

Tanned Girl #2: “Books are for geeks and losers.”

Me: “Wait, so you girls aren’t intellectual readers?”

(Everyone in the shop is now laughing so much, that they’ve stopped serving people in order to calm down. The group of girls run out of the shop with their cheeks the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. The two girls are so happy with what I said to them, that they bought both me and my boyfriend lunch.)

Gramps Grumps

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Old man: “MEAN!”

Me: “Oh no, that’s no good.”

Old man: “Yeah, it scares off all the pretty ladies.”

Me: “Well, you don’t want to scare them off; that’s no good.”

Old man: “I’m 80; I can’t do anything else with them. I might as well scare them away; makes it easier for me that way!”

Who Does She Sink She Is

| USA | Bad Behavior, Love/Romance

(I’m a lifeguard at a local pool. My girlfriend stops by on my lunch break. We’re standing near the concession stand when a middle aged woman approaches, dragging a teenage boy behind her.)

Woman: “You! Young man! Front and center!”

Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

Woman: “While you were standing around flirting with this… this harlot, my baby almost drowned!”

(My girlfriend bursts out laughing, and the woman’s 15-year-old “baby” turns bright red.)

Me: “So sorry, ma’am. I’m not on duty right now, but several other lifeguards are. I’d appreciate it if you refrained from calling other guests vulgar names, though.”

Woman: “I’m just calling them as I see them! Look at how she’s dressed! Those shorts barely cover her butt!”

Girlfriend: *trying to hold in her laughter* “I think I’m going to run, babe. Love you.”

Woman:Love!? You two are not in love! You’ve known each other for thirty seconds and almost caused my baby to drown!”

Me: *sighing* “Okay, ma’am. I will be back on duty in five minutes.”

Woman: “Okay! By the way, dear, you could do much better than that harlot!”

On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 3

| TN, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Love/Romance, Top

(My uncle is gay, but isn’t flamboyant. He works as a service advisor at a car dealership. He is scheduling an appointment for an elderly customer.)

Uncle: “All right. So, if you come in next week we can fix your car. However, I am going to be on vacation next week, so you’ll need to see [other service advisor].

Customer: “Ah, that’s all right. Where are you heading to?”

Uncle: “I’m going to Cape Cod.”

Customer: “Well, be careful up there.”

Uncle: “Why?”

Customer: “Cause up there’s Queersville.”

Uncle: “Uh… excuse me?!”

Customer: “Queersville; it’s full of f**s!”

Uncle: *calmly* “Thank you for warning me. I’ll be sure to tell my boyfriend, cause he sure hates f**s!”

Customer: *turns pales and leaves*

On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part

Weekly Roundup: Love Is (Not) In The Air!

Not Always Right | Love/Romance, Roundups

Weekly Roundup: Love Is (Not) In The Air! Valentine’s Day may be over, but the love (or lack thereof) from customers never ends. Check out this week’s five romance-themed customer stories!

  1. Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here (2,877 thumbs up)
  2. It Was A One-Horned Fabulous Purple People Lover (2,203 thumbs up)
  3. Please Don’t Single Me Out (1,300 thumbs up)
  4. Don’t Get Short With This Customer (3,058 thumbs up)
  5. My Butter Half (2,197 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

PS #3: Want more romantic (or not-so-romantic) stories? Visit our sister site, Not Always Romantic!

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