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Featured Story:
  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
    (2,668 thumbs up)
  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
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    Category: Love/Romance

    Customers sometimes bring their love lives (or lack thereof) with them–for better or worse. PS: be sure to visit Not Always Romantic for more love/romantic stories!

    Gramps Grumps

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Old man: “MEAN!”

    Me: “Oh no, that’s no good.”

    Old man: “Yeah, it scares off all the pretty ladies.”

    Me: “Well, you don’t want to scare them off; that’s no good.”

    Old man: “I’m 80; I can’t do anything else with them. I might as well scare them away; makes it easier for me that way!”

    Who Does She Sink She Is

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Love/Romance

    (I’m a lifeguard at a local pool. My girlfriend stops by on my lunch break. We’re standing near the concession stand when a middle aged woman approaches, dragging a teenage boy behind her.)

    Woman: “You! Young man! Front and center!”

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Woman: “While you were standing around flirting with this… this harlot, my baby almost drowned!”

    (My girlfriend bursts out laughing, and the woman’s 15-year-old “baby” turns bright red.)

    Me: “So sorry, ma’am. I’m not on duty right now, but several other lifeguards are. I’d appreciate it if you refrained from calling other guests vulgar names, though.”

    Woman: “I’m just calling them as I see them! Look at how she’s dressed! Those shorts barely cover her butt!”

    Girlfriend: *trying to hold in her laughter* “I think I’m going to run, babe. Love you.”

    Woman:Love!? You two are not in love! You’ve known each other for thirty seconds and almost caused my baby to drown!”

    Me: *sighing* “Okay, ma’am. I will be back on duty in five minutes.”

    Woman: “Okay! By the way, dear, you could do much better than that harlot!”

    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 3

    | TN, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Love/Romance, Top

    (My uncle is gay, but isn’t flamboyant. He works as a service advisor at a car dealership. He is scheduling an appointment for an elderly customer.)

    Uncle: “Alright, so if you come in next week, we can fix your car. However, I am going to be on vacation next week, so you’ll need to see [other service advisor].

    Customer: “Ah, that’s alright. Where are you heading to?”

    Uncle: “I’m going to Cape Cod.”

    Customer: “Well, be careful up there.”

    Uncle: “Why?”

    Customer: “Cause up there’s Queersville.”

    Uncle: “Uh… excuse me?!”

    Customer: “Queersville; it’s full of f**s!”

    Uncle: *calmly* “Thank you for warning me. I’ll be sure to tell my boyfriend, cause he sure hates f**s!”

    Customer: *turns pales and leaves*

    Related:
    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part

    Weekly Roundup: Love Is (Not) In The Air!

    | Not Always Right | Love/Romance, Roundups

    Weekly Roundup: Love Is (Not) In The Air! Valentine’s Day may be over, but the love (or lack thereof) from customers never ends. Check out this week’s five romance-themed customer stories!

    1. Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here (2,877 thumbs up)
    2. It Was A One-Horned Fabulous Purple People Lover (2,203 thumbs up)
    3. Please Don’t Single Me Out (1,300 thumbs up)
    4. Don’t Get Short With This Customer (3,058 thumbs up)
    5. My Butter Half (2,197 thumbs up)

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    PS #3: Want more romantic (or not-so-romantic) stories? Visit our sister site, Not Always Romantic!

    It Was A One-Horned Fabulous Purple People Lover

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance, Top

    (I am a gay man, bringing my boyfriend lunch at work. I arrive right when his lunch break is scheduled, but he is busy with a customer. I stand to the side at an unused register, to wait for him.)

    Elderly Customer: “You are so adorable! Just the cutest smile… adorable cheeks… great eyes!”

    My Boyfriend: *blushes* “Thank you, ma’am.”

    Elderly Customer: “You would be PERFECT for my granddaughter. She’s about your age, you know!”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, thank you, but I’m already taken.

    (He points out the engagement ring I got him two years ago.)

    Elderly Customer: “OH! That’s a beautiful wedding ring! When did you get married?”

    My Boyfriend: “Actually, I’m not married; I’m engaged. We haven’t set a date for a ceremony yet.”

    Elderly Customer: “What?! Engaged?! Since when do women give engagement rings to men?!”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, ma’am, my engagement ring came from my boyfriend. He proposed to me, and we plan to hold a ceremony in the next year or two.”

    Elderly Customer: “Boyfriend? What do you mean, ‘boyfriend?’”

    My Boyfriend: “Well, I’m gay, ma’am. I’m engaged to another man.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, don’t be silly! You’re not gay!”

    My Boyfriend: “Yes, ma’am, I am.”

    Elderly Customer: “No, you’re not. Gay people don’t exist. It’s all a stupid liberal conspiracy.”

    My Boyfriend: “I can assure you, ma’am, I’m gay, and we do exist.”

    Elderly Customer: “No, you don’t! And, no, you aren’t! Gay people aren’t real. No one is gay, queer, homo, ‘special,’ ‘light in the loafers,’ or ‘limp wristed.’ Just because you aren’t a masculine man, honey, doesn’t mean you are less of a man.”

    My Boyfriend: *dumbfounded*

    (At this point, the customer turns to me since I’m standing nearby.)

    Elderly Customer: “Can you believe this adorable boy, saying he’s gay? As if I was just born yesterday!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I can believe it. I’m the one who gave him the engagement ring he’s wearing.”

    Elderly Customer: “What?! You think YOU’RE gay too?!”

    Me: “I don’t think I am, ma’am, I know I am.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, for the love of God! Now you’re gonna tell me you are a unicorn, too! Or a fairy! Or the Loch Ness Monster!” *turns back to my boyfriend* “Don’t worry, sweetie. I am sure the unicorn boy over there just has you confused. I’ll send my granddaughter in so you can meet her!”

    My Boyfriend: “Really, ma’am, that isn’t necessary.” *points at me* “I’m perfectly happy as is.”

    Elderly Customer: *also points at me* “Don’t listen to the unicorn! He doesn’t know what he’s talking about!”

    My Boyfriend: “Okay, ma’am. Well, here is your receipt. You have a good day!”

    (The customer proceeds to take her bags, walks a few feet away, grabs the closest coworker, and points to my boyfriend and me. Note that my coworker hasn’t heard any of the conversation.)

    Elderly Customer: “See them? They are unicorns!”

    Coworker: “Wait… what?”

    Elderly Customer: “They are unicorns! Sparkly, flittery, girly unicorns!”

    Coworker: *confused* “Okay, ma’am. I’ll keep that in mind.”

    Elderly Customer: “You do that.” *turns to us as she walks out* “Bye bye, unicorns!”


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