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    Category: Love/Romance

    Customers sometimes bring their love lives (or lack thereof) with them–for better or worse. PS: be sure to visit Not Always Romantic for more love/romantic stories!

    Punch, Drunk, And Love

    | USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m sitting at a bar when a drunk man approaches a regular female customer, who has been quietly chatting with the also-female bartender.)

    Drunk Customer: “Hey, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

    Female Regular: *not even turning around* “No thanks. Already have one, and just so you know, I’m married.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, b****, I’m just offering a beer.”

    Female Regular: “And I’m politely declining. Please leave me alone.”

    Drunk Customer: “I bet I could f****** beat the s*** out of your man!”

    Female Regular: *smiling slightly* “Most likely.”

    (The male customer sitting next to her, who has been quietly eating his food, and seemingly not involved in the situation at all, laughs.)

    Male Customer: “Gee, thanks, babe.”

    (The drunk man scoffs at the male customer, who is at least five inches shorter and, while fit, not remotely as muscular as the drunk.)

    Drunk Customer: “You’re this b****’s man?”

    Male Customer: “I’m this woman’s husband, yes.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, I could pummel you in seconds! She should ditch your sorry a**, and I’ll show her what a real man is like!”

    Male Customer: “You could probably beat me up, but that’s not the problem. My wife asked you to leave. Please do so before you get hurt.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you, what are you gonna do about it?!”

    (The drunk customer grabs the male customer’s shoulder, and tries to punch him. Before he can, the female regular turns on her bar stool, twists the drunk’s hand away, and punches him so hard in the face that he drops to the floor.)

    Male Customer: “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”

    (The drunk stumbles to his feet, furious and bleeding from his nose.)

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you both!” *to the bartender* “This b**** punched me! Throw her out!”

    Bartender: *laughs* “H*** no!”

    Drunk Customer: “B****! I AM THE OWNER’S BROTHER! I WANT THIS W**** AND HER HUSBAND TOSSED!”

    Bartender: *to the female regular* “Huh, I didn’t know we had a brother.”

    Drunk Customer: “…huh?”

    Bartender: “I own this bar, and the woman you were treating oh-so-kindly is my little sister. And she had every right to deck you for being a d***.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU F****** GINGER IRISH W****! TRYING TO RUIN ME! NO MAN WILL EVER WANT TO F*** YOU, YOU B****!”

    Bartender: “You don’t need to listen to us anymore. Get out of my bar; you’re banned for life.”

    (The drunk man continues to scream obscenities at her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, until he had to be dragged out by the bouncer—the bartender’s husband.)

    Look Into Your Heart You Know It To Be True

    | Lexington, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m checking out my items at the front of a store, when a couple bursts in. The girlfriend is clearly upset at her boyfriend.)

    Girlfriend: “You really expect me to be all right with you hanging out with your friends on our one-year anniversary?!”

    Boyfriend: “It’s been a tradition of my friends to do this for over six years! I can take you out any weekend, but [name of his friend] only gets his brother’s VHS copy of the original Star Wars movies once a year, and so we have a marathon! Come on! It has all the original scenes and characters before Lucas screwed it up!”

    Girlfriend: “You all are such nerds! Who cares about the changes! If anything, it made the movies better!”

    Boyfriend: “You haven’t even seen the movies!”

    Girlfriend: “No real girl has! I haven’t, and…” *points at me* “…she hasn’t! Fine! Go ahead with your stupid marathon! I don’t care anymore! Do whatever the h*** you want!”

    (The girlfriend storms down an aisle.)

    Me: *imitating Admiral Ackbar* “It’s a trap!” *imitating C-3PO* “Let the girlfriend win.”

    (Not only did the boyfriend crack up, but the check-out guy gave me his number!)

    Beauty Is In The Eyeglasses Of The Beholder

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (A customer approaches the counter with a soda just as I’m wiping my eyeglasses.)

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sorry? No what?”

    Customer: “No! You’ve got to put your glasses back on!”

    Me: “Yeah, I know. I’ve got to wear them because I’m nearly blind.”

    (I slide my glasses back on.)

    Customer: “No, it’s just that you’re much too pretty without them. You’re better off if you keep them on.”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Yes, you have to keep them on or the men will be hitting on you in droves! You’ll have to have a stick to beat them off!”

    (I hold up my left hand and point to my promise ring.)

    Me: “No, this usually stops ‘em cold.”

    Customer: “NO! The glasses are what stops them!”

    Me: “Okay… So, that’ll be $1.77, sir.”

    (The customer pays and returns to normal. However, as he walks out the door…)

    Customer: “I’M TELLING YOU IT’S THE GLASSES!”

    The Convergence Of Kindnesses

    | UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Love/Romance, Military, Top

    (I am tending to my customers’ needs, and watching the front door. A customer enters and asks for a table. I seat him and get him a cup of coffee.)

    Customer: “How far is it to Quebec?”

    Me: “I honestly have no idea, sir. But, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you heading there?”

    Customer: “Well, I have to be at work by tomorrow, and I’m sure I would have made it if the tire hadn’t come off my truck.”

    (He looks over the menu, orders, and receives his meal. As I am putting in another order on the computer, the father of the family seated at the table beside the other man approaches me.)

    Father: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes, sir? Is there something I can help you with?”

    Father: “Has the man beside us ordered yet?”

    (The customer with the car problems is clearly of East Indian descent, and I immediately fear that this other man is about to make some racist comment.)

    Me: “Is there some kind of problem, sir?”

    Father: “No, not at all. But I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind putting his dinner on our bill.”

    (I am pleasantly surprised by this, and get into the computer to add the unfortunate customer’s check to the families. The family leaves soon after. When I next check on the customer, he has finished eating.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you tonight, sir?”

    Customer: “No, I’m fine, thanks. Just the bill, if you please.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m pleased to say that the family seated beside you earlier asked to pick up your bill.”

    Customer: “Did they really?”

    Me: *smiling* “Yes.”

    Customer: *smiling* “You know, it really makes me glad to know that there are still good, kind people in the world. It gives you hope.”

    (Not having anything else to do, I take some time to sit and listen to the man, as he’s expressed a desire to tell me why he’s on his way to Quebec. After having served as a soldier for some time, he grew tired of feeling as though he were living a double life, having to keep secrets from his loved ones so as to fulfill his duties. He then decided to leave the service, receiving a dishonorable discharge and losing nearly everything he owned in the process. During his time of service, he lived in Quebec and met a young woman who befriended him and showed him that there was more to life than simply having money and material possessions. The two of them ended up in a relationship that was cut short because of his constant dedication to his duties, and she claimed that it had grown hard to trust him.)

    Customer: “So, I’m heading back to Quebec to see her. I have nothing left to lose but her, and I’m going to take up a job as a mechanic, get a place for the two of us, and ask her to marry me.”

    (At this point, I am nearly in tears.)

    Customer: “But that’s where I’m unsure. I don’t know if she’ll want to marry someone like me.”

    (We talk a bit more, and I tell him that, in the time I’ve spent listening and chatting with him, he seems like a very good person, and that giving up his pension and career in the service for this woman speaks very strongly about his character. After a while, he goes out to his truck, and returns with a coin.)

    Customer: “I told them that I didn’t care. I told them that I was tired of living a lie. They laughed in my face and gave me this. They told me to find someone who gave a s***.”

    (The customer hands me a foreign coin and smiles.)

    Customer: “So those are the words I live by: ‘Find something to give a s*** about’.”

    (As he walks to the door, he thanks me, and I wish him all the luck in the world. This night at work really emphasized two things for me: A little kindness goes a long way, and if you give a s*** about something, you won’t give up on it. Whoever you are, sir, I truly wish you the best. I hope that the woman you love sees just how much you care about her, and that the two of you can spend your lives together. And to the man who paid for his meal, I will never forget the kindness you offered to another in need.)

    He Is Out-Dated

    | Scotland, UK | Love/Romance, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a call centre for a bank, and one of the security questions we use to verify cardholder identity is a memorable date. Some people try to get clever with you. I generally give them no reaction at all and just ask a different security question.)

    Me: “Can I ask you to confirm your memorable date there for me sir?”

    Customer: “Ah yes, June 9th, 1979. I met this lovely blonde woman in a bar in Soho, absolutely beautiful. She drank cocktails and we went back to mine and the things she could do kiddo, you could only imag—oh wait memorable date? Oh s***, I thought you meant…”

    Me: “Ha, that’s alright, sir; do you have it there?”

    Customer: “What’s your memorable date? You sound nice; you must have one.”

    Me: “My boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Paris for my birthday last year. That was pretty memorable I guess.”

    Customer: “Jeez, your generation sucks. Paris!? You can’t beat a roll in the hay in the back of a third hand car in Charing Cross. I’d show you that!”

    Me: “Okaaaaaaay anyway, moving on.”


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