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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Love/Romance

    Customers sometimes bring their love lives (or lack thereof) with them–for better or worse. PS: be sure to visit Not Always Romantic for more love/romantic stories!

    The Customer Is Not Always Related

    | Natchitoches, LA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Love/Romance

    (My boyfriend and I are picking up some groceries for his apartment. We see one of his friends and he decides to stop and chat. We stand there talking for about fifteen minutes and by this time I am hungry. To signal him that I want to leave, I put my hand in his back pocket.)

    Customer: “You should be ashamed.”

    (My boyfriend and I turn to see an older woman scowling at us.)

    Boyfriend: “All she did was put her hand in my pocket so I would shut up so that we can leave.”

    Customer: “She’s your sister, and you should be ashamed!”

    Me: “He’s not my brother; he’s my boyfriend.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie! I can see the resemblance! You shouldn’t grab your brother that way! It’s disgusting!”

    Boyfriend: “Look, lady, we are not related. Go bother someone else with your crazy.”

    Customer: “I am not crazy!”

    (The customer approaches my boyfriend’s friend.)

    Customer: “They’re siblings, aren’t they!?”

    Boyfriend’s Friend: “If that’s true, it’s news to me and I’ve known [boyfriend] for quite a long time. As far as I know, he only has one sister and she is much younger.”

    Customer: “LIES! YOU’RE ALL LIARS!” *runs off*

    The Name Blame Game

    | Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

    (We have a counter where customers can pick up online-only items that have been shipped to the store at no charge. Customers can designate an alternate pickup person, and it’s not uncommon for a spouse or parent to pick up an order, though usually they know it’s not their name on the order.)

    Customer: “It’s under [name]. It’s a stroller.”

    (I search, and find nothing on computer or on the shelf.)

    Me: “Could it possibly be under your husband’s name?”

    Customer: “I’m a lesbian.”

    Me: “Okay, well, what’s your wife’s name?”

    Customer: “It’s [other name].”

    Me: “Here we go!” *brings out stroller* “Your name wasn’t on the box, so that’s why.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have known!”

    Me: “I should have known your wife with a wildly different name always sends you to pickup the order under her name?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Has The Drive To Cheat And Lie

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Love/Romance

    (I work in a car insurance call center.)

    Customer: “Oh, the policy isn’t in my name.”

    Me: “May I speak to the policy holder to get permission to speak to you and add you to the policy?”

    Customer: “No, she’s not speaking to me.”

    Me: “Okay, well that just means I am unable to give you any information or make any changes for you at this point of time.”

    Customer: “But it’s my car! She just took me off all the policies after I cheated on her.”

    (I have no idea what to say.)

    Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just call back and pretend I’m her.” *click*

    Punch, Drunk, And Love

    | USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m sitting at a bar when a drunk man approaches a regular female customer, who has been quietly chatting with the also-female bartender.)

    Drunk Customer: “Hey, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

    Female Regular: *not even turning around* “No thanks. Already have one, and just so you know, I’m married.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, b****, I’m just offering a beer.”

    Female Regular: “And I’m politely declining. Please leave me alone.”

    Drunk Customer: “I bet I could f****** beat the s*** out of your man!”

    Female Regular: *smiling slightly* “Most likely.”

    (The male customer sitting next to her, who has been quietly eating his food, and seemingly not involved in the situation at all, laughs.)

    Male Customer: “Gee, thanks, babe.”

    (The drunk man scoffs at the male customer, who is at least five inches shorter and, while fit, not remotely as muscular as the drunk.)

    Drunk Customer: “You’re this b****’s man?”

    Male Customer: “I’m this woman’s husband, yes.”

    Drunk Customer: “S***, I could pummel you in seconds! She should ditch your sorry a**, and I’ll show her what a real man is like!”

    Male Customer: “You could probably beat me up, but that’s not the problem. My wife asked you to leave. Please do so before you get hurt.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you, what are you gonna do about it?!”

    (The drunk customer grabs the male customer’s shoulder, and tries to punch him. Before he can, the female regular turns on her bar stool, twists the drunk’s hand away, and punches him so hard in the face that he drops to the floor.)

    Male Customer: “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”

    (The drunk stumbles to his feet, furious and bleeding from his nose.)

    Drunk Customer: “F*** you both!” *to the bartender* “This b**** punched me! Throw her out!”

    Bartender: *laughs* “H*** no!”

    Drunk Customer: “B****! I AM THE OWNER’S BROTHER! I WANT THIS W**** AND HER HUSBAND TOSSED!”

    Bartender: *to the female regular* “Huh, I didn’t know we had a brother.”

    Drunk Customer: “…huh?”

    Bartender: “I own this bar, and the woman you were treating oh-so-kindly is my little sister. And she had every right to deck you for being a d***.”

    Drunk Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU F****** GINGER IRISH W****! TRYING TO RUIN ME! NO MAN WILL EVER WANT TO F*** YOU, YOU B****!”

    Bartender: “You don’t need to listen to us anymore. Get out of my bar; you’re banned for life.”

    (The drunk man continues to scream obscenities at her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, until he had to be dragged out by the bouncer—the bartender’s husband.)

    Look Into Your Heart You Know It To Be True

    | Lexington, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Movies & TV, Themed Giveaway, Top

    (I’m checking out my items at the front of a store, when a couple bursts in. The girlfriend is clearly upset at her boyfriend.)

    Girlfriend: “You really expect me to be all right with you hanging out with your friends on our one-year anniversary?!”

    Boyfriend: “It’s been a tradition of my friends to do this for over six years! I can take you out any weekend, but [name of his friend] only gets his brother’s VHS copy of the original Star Wars movies once a year, and so we have a marathon! Come on! It has all the original scenes and characters before Lucas screwed it up!”

    Girlfriend: “You all are such nerds! Who cares about the changes! If anything, it made the movies better!”

    Boyfriend: “You haven’t even seen the movies!”

    Girlfriend: “No real girl has! I haven’t, and…” *points at me* “…she hasn’t! Fine! Go ahead with your stupid marathon! I don’t care anymore! Do whatever the h*** you want!”

    (The girlfriend storms down an aisle.)

    Me: *imitating Admiral Ackbar* “It’s a trap!” *imitating C-3PO* “Let the girlfriend win.”

    (Not only did the boyfriend crack up, but the check-out guy gave me his number!)


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