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  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
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    Category: Love/Romance

    Customers sometimes bring their love lives (or lack thereof) with them–for better or worse. PS: be sure to visit Not Always Romantic for more love/romantic stories!

    Should Deaf-initely Mess With Him

    | Mansfield, MA, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Love/Romance

    (I have grown up with selective mutism, and have learned to speak using ASL. This is not apparent now, as I can now speak perfectly in public. My boyfriend on the other hand, is deaf.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store Name]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a [Signature Creation].”

    Me: “Right away.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m allergic to all nuts; can you make sure nothing touches?”

    Me: “Of course, let me go get some clean spades.”

    (I leave and go to the back. My boyfriend visits me at work for the first time as we live a bit apart. He tries to order something from the menu and is frustrated that my coworker cannot understand him. He has never done speech therapy so he cannot speak. I come back to the front.)

    Customer: “Freak! What are you even doing here making those noises? No one wants your kind here. Get out! F****** freak.”

    (The coworker is stunned, and is not stepping in, so I step in.)

    Me: “You cannot speak to another patron like that. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “I’m doing this for all of you. Why would you want this freak around?”

    (I turn to my boyfriend and sign to him that I will take care of this, even though it’s kind of a deaf culture no-no.)

    Me: “I am not required to answer that question. I am, however requiring that you leave.”

    (I go around through the back and out to the front where the customer is still causing issues. We are able to escort him out, but he stands at the glass windows glaring at us.)

    Boyfriend: *signing* “We should really mess with him.”

    (My boyfriend kisses me, and the customer goes ballistic until the police come and arrest him. I stopped working there, but my wonderful intelligent and deaf man and I are now engaged to be married.)

    Been Awake For A Maternity

    | Bergen, Norway | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Top

    (A scruffy looking customer comes into the store. He is wearing his pajamas, bright colored running shoes, and a scarf. He looks like he has not slept for weeks. He walks around the store for five minutes before coming to the line at the register. It is just after midnight.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir.”

    Scruffy Customer: *mumbles*

    (He has three items: anchovies, asparagus in a jar, and bacon-flavored chips.)

    Me: “Will with that be all, sir? Do you want a bag for your items?”

    Scruffy Customer: “No and yes, thank you.”

    (He reaches for his pocket and takes out his car keys, ruffles around other pockets to look for his wallet, and finds nothing. Something breaks inside of him. He puts a hand to cover his eyes and is starting to turn away from me.)

    Scruffy Customer: “I am sorry; she is going to kill me.”

    (He starts to walk out. Another customer in line speaks up.)

    Customer: “When is she due?”

    Scruffy Customer: “What?”

    Customer: “When is she due?”

    Scruffy Customer: “In three weeks or so. How did you know?”

    Customer: “Buying strange things in the middle of the night wearing pajamas. That is kind of a recipe for a guy who has a pregnant girl at home.”

    Scruffy Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.”

    (The scruffy customer starts to walk out again.)

    Customer: “Hey, go get your stuff on the counter. I will pay for you.” *to me* “How much is it?”

    Me: “Uhh… 76 kroner with my staff discount.”

    Customer: “Wow, anchovies, asparagus and bacon flavored chips. She has got it bad!”

    Scruffy Customer: “If it’s smelly, spicy or has a strange texture, she has to have it. I think she has tried everything in those categories. Except for shark meat, I think.”

    (The scruffy customer smiles, and the other customers at the register give out a laugh. He thanks the customer for paying, and tries to get his information to pay him back. The other customers there start to talk to him, give him advice and try to lift his spirits. He now has a four-month-old daughter, and does not look scruffy anymore!)

    Piercing Judgments, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance, Top

    (I am a waiter in a high-class restaurant. In my section is a cute couple, and from the looks and blushing, it appears they’re on their first date. Both have several visible piercings, and from what I can see on the young woman, they both have tattoos. They’re talking quietly to each other, not disturbing anyone. I’m called over to a nearby table with a dining couple in their mid-forties.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

    Diner: *loudly* “I want that disrespectful couple out!”

    (The diner points to the other couple. Both look up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

    Diner: “Look at them! They’re disgusting! That woman shouldn’t be seen in public!”

    (I see the young woman’s head go down.)

    Diner: “And that man should be ashamed! They’re ruining the entire atmosphere!”

    (Now both of the couple are looking at their plates. I can barely hear the young woman mumble to her date.)

    Young Woman: “Maybe we should go…”

    (Both start to stand. I motion for them to sit. I turn back to the loud diner.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you and your husband to leave.”

    Diner: *scoffs* “What for?!”

    Me: “For disturbing the peace, and ‘ruining the atmosphere.’ I will escort you to the door.”

    Diner: “You can’t do that!”

    Me: “Alright, I’ll go get my manager and have him escort you out.”

    (Sure enough, my manager agrees with me and makes the older couple leave.)

    Woman: “You’ve just lost your best customers, you heathen!”

    (The young couple thank me, and they get 10% off their check for their troubles. They come back every couple of months, requesting me. The last time they come in, there is a decent sized rock on the young woman’s finger.)

    Related:
    Piercing Judgments

    The Customer Is Not Always Related

    | Natchitoches, LA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Love/Romance

    (My boyfriend and I are picking up some groceries for his apartment. We see one of his friends and he decides to stop and chat. We stand there talking for about fifteen minutes and by this time I am hungry. To signal him that I want to leave, I put my hand in his back pocket.)

    Customer: “You should be ashamed.”

    (My boyfriend and I turn to see an older woman scowling at us.)

    Boyfriend: “All she did was put her hand in my pocket so I would shut up so that we can leave.”

    Customer: “She’s your sister, and you should be ashamed!”

    Me: “He’s not my brother; he’s my boyfriend.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie! I can see the resemblance! You shouldn’t grab your brother that way! It’s disgusting!”

    Boyfriend: “Look, lady, we are not related. Go bother someone else with your crazy.”

    Customer: “I am not crazy!”

    (The customer approaches my boyfriend’s friend.)

    Customer: “They’re siblings, aren’t they!?”

    Boyfriend’s Friend: “If that’s true, it’s news to me and I’ve known [boyfriend] for quite a long time. As far as I know, he only has one sister and she is much younger.”

    Customer: “LIES! YOU’RE ALL LIARS!” *runs off*

    The Name Blame Game

    | Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

    (We have a counter where customers can pick up online-only items that have been shipped to the store at no charge. Customers can designate an alternate pickup person, and it’s not uncommon for a spouse or parent to pick up an order, though usually they know it’s not their name on the order.)

    Customer: “It’s under [name]. It’s a stroller.”

    (I search, and find nothing on computer or on the shelf.)

    Me: “Could it possibly be under your husband’s name?”

    Customer: “I’m a lesbian.”

    Me: “Okay, well, what’s your wife’s name?”

    Customer: “It’s [other name].”

    Me: “Here we go!” *brings out stroller* “Your name wasn’t on the box, so that’s why.”

    Customer: “Well, you should have known!”

    Me: “I should have known your wife with a wildly different name always sends you to pickup the order under her name?”

    Customer: “YES!”

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