• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Love/Romance

    Customers sometimes bring their love lives (or lack thereof) with them–for better or worse. PS: be sure to visit Not Always Romantic for more love/romantic stories!

    Fast Food And Speed Dating

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

    Me: “Okay, you want a hamburger, hold the onions, with mustard and regular fries.”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “Can I have a date?”

    Customer: “Oh no, you’re much too old for me.”

    Me: “A birth date. So we can call out your order. Like October 22nd?”

    (After the customer leaves, the owner turns to me.)

    Owner: “She could have at least lied and said she was already with someone.”

    Engage The Brain Before The Mouth

    | Boulder, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Love/Romance

    (I am 20 years old. I work in a store that sells t-shirts and novelty items to tourists. Much of my job involves folding shirts. A customer comes up and rummages through my pile of freshly folded, random shirts, unfolding five or six of them and dropping them on the floor.)

    Customer: “None of these shirts are the same, or in my size!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; these are shirts from the children’s section that I’m refolding. If you saw any you like, we have many of the same ones in adult—”

    (The customer interrupts me as she spots my engagement ring.)

    Customer: “What is that on your finger? You are too young to be married!”

    Me: “It’s an engagement ring; my boyfriend of two years just proposed to me, but we don’t plan on getting married until after we finish college.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe how you teens just throw marriage around like it’s nothing! You just get married so you can have pre-marital sex and babies out of wedlock! You should wait until you at least have a job! You should be ashamed!”

    (The customer knocks down the rest of my shirt pile and storms out. A coworker has witnessed the entire exchange.)

    Coworker: “I don’t think she thought about what she just said at all.”

    Grabbed The Wrong Baker’s Buns

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Love/Romance

    (I am visiting with two of my best friends at their little bakery. They are married, and have been best friends since the day I introduced them. The wife and I are doing some shopping for ingredients while business is slow. As we return to the bakery, a man stops and holds the door open for us. I go in first and the wife follows after me; we both thank him.)

    Wife: *suddenly yelps*

    Me: “What? What happened?”

    Wife: “He slapped my a**!”

    Man: “Don’t you know a true gentleman opens the door for a lady, and then slaps her a**? It’s a compliment, you stupid b****!”

    Wife: “Excuse me?!”

    (The wife is about five seconds from kicking the living crap out of this guy, when her husband walks over and calmly steps in front of her. He himself is wearing a suit and tie still, because he has not changed into his work clothes yet.)

    Husband: “Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Man: “Why?! I didn’t do anything!”

    Husband: “A true gentleman opens the door for a lady, which is true. However, a true gentleman NEVER touches a lady without her consent. Ever.”

    Man: “Man, why the h*** do you care so much?!”

    (The husband simply smiles and then looms in close to the man’s face. The man is nearly 5’7″ while my friend is 6’2″. The man’s face goes sheet white.)

    Husband: “For your information, that little lady is my wife. I own this bakery, and unless you would like me to show you how long it will take me to beat you to bloody pulp, I suggest you leave.”

    (The man scurries off and is later charged for assault. As for my two friends, let’s just say the husband got an extra treat that night.)

    Should Deaf-initely Mess With Him

    | Mansfield, MA, USA | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Love/Romance

    (I have grown up with selective mutism, and have learned to speak using ASL. This is not apparent now, as I can now speak perfectly in public. My boyfriend on the other hand, is deaf.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store Name]; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a [Signature Creation].”

    Me: “Right away.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m allergic to all nuts; can you make sure nothing touches?”

    Me: “Of course, let me go get some clean spades.”

    (I leave and go to the back. My boyfriend visits me at work for the first time as we live a bit apart. He tries to order something from the menu and is frustrated that my coworker cannot understand him. He has never done speech therapy so he cannot speak. I come back to the front.)

    Customer: “Freak! What are you even doing here making those noises? No one wants your kind here. Get out! F****** freak.”

    (The coworker is stunned, and is not stepping in, so I step in.)

    Me: “You cannot speak to another patron like that. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “I’m doing this for all of you. Why would you want this freak around?”

    (I turn to my boyfriend and sign to him that I will take care of this, even though it’s kind of a deaf culture no-no.)

    Me: “I am not required to answer that question. I am, however requiring that you leave.”

    (I go around through the back and out to the front where the customer is still causing issues. We are able to escort him out, but he stands at the glass windows glaring at us.)

    Boyfriend: *signing* “We should really mess with him.”

    (My boyfriend kisses me, and the customer goes ballistic until the police come and arrest him. I stopped working there, but my wonderful intelligent and deaf man and I are now engaged to be married.)

    Been Awake For A Maternity

    | Bergen, Norway | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Love/Romance, Top

    (A scruffy looking customer comes into the store. He is wearing his pajamas, bright colored running shoes, and a scarf. He looks like he has not slept for weeks. He walks around the store for five minutes before coming to the line at the register. It is just after midnight.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir.”

    Scruffy Customer: *mumbles*

    (He has three items: anchovies, asparagus in a jar, and bacon-flavored chips.)

    Me: “Will with that be all, sir? Do you want a bag for your items?”

    Scruffy Customer: “No and yes, thank you.”

    (He reaches for his pocket and takes out his car keys, ruffles around other pockets to look for his wallet, and finds nothing. Something breaks inside of him. He puts a hand to cover his eyes and is starting to turn away from me.)

    Scruffy Customer: “I am sorry; she is going to kill me.”

    (He starts to walk out. Another customer in line speaks up.)

    Customer: “When is she due?”

    Scruffy Customer: “What?”

    Customer: “When is she due?”

    Scruffy Customer: “In three weeks or so. How did you know?”

    Customer: “Buying strange things in the middle of the night wearing pajamas. That is kind of a recipe for a guy who has a pregnant girl at home.”

    Scruffy Customer: “Yeah, I guess so.”

    (The scruffy customer starts to walk out again.)

    Customer: “Hey, go get your stuff on the counter. I will pay for you.” *to me* “How much is it?”

    Me: “Uhh… 76 kroner with my staff discount.”

    Customer: “Wow, anchovies, asparagus and bacon flavored chips. She has got it bad!”

    Scruffy Customer: “If it’s smelly, spicy or has a strange texture, she has to have it. I think she has tried everything in those categories. Except for shark meat, I think.”

    (The scruffy customer smiles, and the other customers at the register give out a laugh. He thanks the customer for paying, and tries to get his information to pay him back. The other customers there start to talk to him, give him advice and try to lift his spirits. He now has a four-month-old daughter, and does not look scruffy anymore!)

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