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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Love/Romance

    Customers sometimes bring their love lives (or lack thereof) with them–for better or worse. PS: be sure to visit Not Always Romantic for more love/romantic stories!

    A Culling Of A Cullen

    | WI, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Love/Romance

    (I work as a waitress at a sit down restaurant near the mall. We’re slowing down for the night and the place is pretty empty. I’m in the middle of cleaning off my table when I overhear this conversation happening between some teens in the corner booth.)

    Teen Girl: *to Teen Boy #2* “It’s not the size that matters, but what you do with it.”

    Teen Boy #1: “Yeah, it’s all about the motion of the ocean!”

    Ditzy Teen Girl: “It’s all in the sparkle.”

    Teen Boy #2: “Wha— I’m not Edward f****** Cullen!”

    (I barely made it back to the kitchen before laughing.)

    Beware Of Customers Bearing Gifts

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Love/Romance, Top

    (I am working as a cashier during the holiday rush. One of my jobs is to ask each customer if they would like a gift card or gift receipts with their purchase. I have just finished ringing up a woman and have moved on to her boyfriend, who only has one item: pants, clearly for himself.)

    Me: “How’s it going today, sir?”

    Customer: “Good. You?”

    Me: “Good thanks. Would you like any gift cards or gift re—”

    Customer: “No, man. I’m good. Just ring me up.”

    (I nod and continue the transaction. I tell him the total. He slides his card and I press the button that prints the receipt, also clearing the transaction from on screen.)

    Me: “Here’s your receipt.”

    Customer: “Can I get a gift receipt?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It’s already too late.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “Well, sir, since you already confirmed the transaction and it has gone through the system, you would have to return the item and re-buy it to allow me to get to the gift receipt option.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? What happens if the pants don’t fit and I need to return them?”

    Me: “We do offer a 30-day return policy. All you need is the original receipt, which I just gave you.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! What happens if it takes me longer than thirty days to decide if they fit?”

    (Before the customer gets anymore worked up, his girlfriend jumps in.)

    Girlfriend: “Don’t worry about it, honey. He asked you at the beginning of the transaction if you wanted a gift receipt. You said no. Now you have to deal with it. Now let’s go before you gotta walk out of this store single.”

    A Whirlwind Romance

    | Traverse City, MI, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (I am talking to a guest who walked out of the dining room and came into the gift shop to look around.)

    Me: “If you need anything or have any questions let me know.”

    Guest: “Well I do have a question: are you single?”

    Me: *hesitant* “Yes… Why?”

    Guest: “Well, I have as son who just got a promotion and needs a girlfriend. I was wondering if you would marry him for his money, power, or love?”

    Me: “I’d marry someone for love.”

    Guest: “Good. I don’t want to introduce him to someone who is just after his money and power.”

    Me: “Well, that’s good. Where does he work and what is his new position since he got his promotion?”

    Guest: “He’s the head operator of the ’tilt-a-whirl’ at the fair!”

    Me: *trying hard not to laugh* “Oh, well then, I’d marry him for his crazy amount of power!”

    Giving Marriage A Bad Name

    | VA, USA | Funny Names, Love/Romance

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to set up an appointment.”

    Me: “Okay. Can I have your last name?”

    Customer: It’s [Name] or it might be [Other Name]. I just changed my name.”

    Me: “Oh, congratulations!”

    Customer: “Actually, I changed back to my maiden name.”

    Me: “Oh! Oops… Congratulations?”

    Gifted At Bad Gift Wrapping

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Holidays, Love/Romance, Themed Giveaway

    Me: “Would you like me to gift wrap that for you?”

    Customer: “Yes. But can you make it look a bit crap so my girlfriend thinks I did it?”


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