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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Kill Bill

    | Italy | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (My sister and I co-own a gas station. She usually mans the full service pump, while I follow the back office stuff. She calls me over while with a customer.)

    Me: “Yes. How can I be of help?”

    (My sister hands me a clearly false €20 bill.)

    Sister: “I exchanged his €50 bill for two €20 bills and one €10 at his request, so he could do 20 on the self service. Now he’s here claiming the self service machine doesn’t accept this bill. He wants it exchanged with another 20€ bill.”

    Customer: *smugly* “I’m sorry. I know these machine sometimes are difficult, right?”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I take the false €20 bill and hand it back to the customer.)

    Me: “Keep this one. Just use the other one you got from your €50 bill!”

    (The scamming customer tries to open his mouth to say something, then goes back to the self service machine. I follow him. He again tries the false bill.)

    Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

    Me: *with a smile* “Use the other one.”

    (The customer reluctantly uses a good 20€ bill. He pumps the gas, and leaves without a word.)

    Lying Is All Relative(s), Part 2

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (My sister and I work in a bakery owned by our family; our grandma is the owner.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’m the owner’s daughter. So, I can get my food for free, okay?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll call your mother in, okay?”

    (The customer nervously nods. I call in my grandma.)

    Grandma: “What is it?”

    Me: “Oh, this customer says you’re her mum.”

    (My grandma looks at the customer.)

    Grandma: “I have never seen you in my life. Also, you look about twenty. So you could pass as my granddaughter, but not as my daughter!”

    (The customer runs out quickly!)

    Related:
    Lying Is All Relative(s)

    Pola-Roid Rage

    | Wasilla, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

    (I work the returns counter at a retail store. We have a customer that comes in every couple of months and returns several packs of Polaroid film, each worth about $20. She never has a receipt and always has the same excuse that she bought too much for the occasion. We suspect she is stealing them from another store in the area, and returning them at our store. Our loss prevention team doesn’t have enough on her to deny the returns. The electronics department implements a policy that we are not allowed to return Polaroid film without a receipt if it doesn’t have one of our security tags on it. Sure enough, the customer comes back in after this policy is in place. None of the boxes she brings in have our security tags on them.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m not able to return these without a receipt.”

    Customer: “But I’ve returned these here before. Why can’t I now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They changed our return policy. We are no longer allowed to return this type of film without a receipt if it doesn’t have our security tag on it.”

    Customer: “Well, I know I bought it here. I want my money back.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, ma’am. These do not have our security tag on them. I cannot do a return without a receipt. Could you have purchased them from [other store in the area]?”

    Customer: “NO! I bought them here. If I can’t return them here I just won’t shop here anymore!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but I have to follow our return policy.”

    (The customer walks off with her film, huffing as she goes. After about 10 minutes the customer’s husband storms up to my counter.)

    Customer’s Husband: “You calling my wife a thief?!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Customer’s Husband: “My wife was just up here trying to return film. She said you told her she couldn’t return it because it was stolen!”

    Me: “No, sir. I explained to her that I couldn’t return the film without a receipt because they don’t have our security tags on them. Then I asked if she might have purchased them from [other store in the area]. I never accused her of stealing.”

    Customer’s Husband: *shouting* “I’ve never seen this ‘security tag’ you’re talking about. You’re lying to me!”

    (The customer’s husband storms off towards the electronics department, shouting.)

    Customer’s Husband: “I’m going to prove you’re a liar. Then I’m gonna kick your a**!”

    (I run after him to try to warn the department manager of what’s about to happen. When the husband gets into the department he starts pulling 35mm film packs off the shelf shouting.)

    Customer’s Husband: “I don’t see no security tag!”

    (He then throws the packages over the shelf. The manager of the department is now dodging packs of film as he is trying to get to the customer. I reach him first. I grab a Polaroid film pack off the shelf and show the man the security tag on the back that I have been referring to all along. The man stops mid-throw and mid-shout, looks at me for a moment and then walks away without saying a word. We never saw either of them again in our store.)

    Making A Display Of Themselves

    | NM, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a department store selling shoes, where we keep the smallest size on display. We are often only sent one pair in each size, so it’s not uncommon for small-footed customers to ask for discounts on display shoes.)

    Customer: “This shoe fits me perfectly, but it’s the display.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that is our only size six.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount?”

    Me: “We only offer discounts on shoes with obvious defects or damage. These look fine to me, but if you don’t want to take the display I can order you a new pair.”

    Customer: “So, there’s nothing you can do?”

    Me: “I can treat them with leather lotion, which will solve any dryness or minor scuffs from being on display.”

    (The customer narrows her eyes at me. She puts the toe of the shoe in her mouth and bites down, leaving obvious teeth marks in the leather.)

    Customer: “How about now?”

    (My manager, who has seen the whole thing, has walked up behind me.)

    Manager: “Now you have to buy them. Full price.”

    Customer: “But they’re damaged!”

    Manager: “And I’m sure the police would love to hear how you purposefully gnawed on our merchandise. Shall we call them?”

    (The customer hung her head, but quietly paid for the shoes. She hasn’t been in since.)

    Should Have Stolen Some Military Intelligence

    | Albany, NY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Military, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at the service desk of a large retailer when I’m called into the security office by the asset control associate while he detains and questions a female who was caught shoplifting. I walk in and the girl is obviously in her early 20s. She’s sitting there trying to force out the most fake sobbing I’ve ever seen. Her boyfriend has come in to support her, but at the moment he has to wait outside the room.)

    Coworker: “Alright, well, the police are on the way and the Store Manager is on her way up—”

    Shoplifter: “No! Please! You can’t do this! I can pay for the stuff!”

    Coworker: “Miss, you tried stealing $300 worth of electronics.”

    Shoplifter: “No, you don’t get it! I can pay for it! I was just… I wasn’t thinking! I’ve been really stressed!”

    Coworker: “Stressed enough to try and walk out the front door with groceries covering a blu-ray player?”

    Shoplifter: “Please! I can pay!”

    Coworker: “You had a chance to pay for it when you went through the cash register to pay for your groceries, and you had a chance to pay for it when you walked through the store again, picked it up and walked right by MORE registers to leave with it.”

    Shoplifter: “I just… you’re wearing dog tags, right?! What military branch?”

    Coworker: “Marines.”

    Shoplifter: “Please! My boyfriend is a marine too! He just got back from Afghanistan!”

    Coworker: “Really?”

    (My coworker stands up, opens the door, and looks to her boyfriend who is still standing there waiting.)

    Coworker: “Hey, what military branch were you in?”

    Boyfriend: “Huh? I just finished boot camp for Air Force.”

    Coworker: “Thanks.”

    (My coworker shuts the door, and stares at the shoplifter accusingly.)

    Coworker: “Air Force boot camp? Really? That’s cheap, miss.”

    Shoplifter: “SAME THING!”

    Coworker & Me: “It really isn’t.”

    Shoplifter: “You guys suck! This is so stupid! Let me pay for it! Don’t call the cops! Please!”

    Coworker: “Too late. Speaking of the police, your chariot awaits.”

    (The Store Manager decided to press charges as it turned out she’d stolen from other stores in the area.)


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