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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Send You Off The Rails

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (I am self-employed in the real estate appraisal business. I have made an FHA appraisal of a home that needs some minor repair. Once the repairs have been made, it will be necessary for me to re-inspect the home to make sure that the repairs have been satisfactorily completed. In this case, I have required that railings be installed around the front porch and stairway because they are several feet above the walkway. Shortly after submitting the appraisal and repair list, I received a call from the seller’s realtor.)

    Realtor: “I want to talk to you about the repairs you required. Why do we have to put up stair and porch railings?”

    Me: “It’s an FHA requirement. When a home sells with FHA financing, it has to meet minimum safety standards set by FHA.”

    Realtor: “Well, I don’t see why they’re necessary. The house already has an FHA loan. Why weren’t the railings required when my client bought the house?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Maybe the other appraiser wasn’t paying attention.”

    Realtor: “Why can’t you just look the other way?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. That’s not the way I do business.”

    Realtor: “We’re not going to put up the railings. And that’s that.”

    Me: “I understand your frustration, but it seems to be a shame that you’re going to allow this sale to be killed over a few hundred dollars.”

    Realtor: *long pause* “Okay, but you can’t charge for the repair inspection.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Realtor: “I mean if we’re going to pay for a repair that’s clearly not necessary, then the least you can do is waive your fee for the repair inspection.”

    Me: “Let me call you right back. I’ll have to talk to my supervisor about this. I don’t know what he’ll say.”

    Realtor: “Okay. That will be fine.”

    (The realtor doesn’t know that I’m self employed. I wait ten minutes and call the realtor back.)

    Realtor: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello. I just spoke to my supervisor and he got mad as h***. I argued on your behalf and he finally agreed to a 50 percent discount on the fee. This is the best I can do. He’s really upset with me.”

    Realtor: “A 50 percent discount? Okay. That will be fine.”

    (The realtor and seller were good to their word and quickly had the railings installed. On the invoice to the mortgage company, I charged full fee, but wrote in blue ink, ‘This fee represents a 50 per cent discount.’ I later did several more appraisals for that realtor. He thought he had gotten the best of me!)

    Getting All Hancocked Over A Benjamin, Part 2

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I am a manager working the concession stand at a theater attached to a hotel/casino.)

    Cashier: *over radio* “Manager to register two.”

    (I head over. The cashier has a customer at her station who looks angry.)

    Me: “What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, this b**** stole my money! I paid with a hundred and she only gave me change for a fifty! I want my f****** money back!”

    Me: “Alright. Did you see what she did with the bill?”

    Customer: “Yeah! She put it below the counter!”

    (We are only allowed to keep bills $10 and smaller in the till itself. All larger bills go into a lockbox right below the cash register. I walk behind the desk and point to the lockbox.)

    Me: “She put it in here?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Now give me the rest of my money!”

    (I unlock the lockbox and remove it from its position, placing it on the counter in front of the customer. I then open it to reveal three $20 bills, and one $50 bill, which is the last bill deposited.)

    Me: “Well, sir, it looks like the last bill deposited was a fifty. Is it possible you simply forgot which bill you paid with?”

    (At this point, I know he’s lying. The cashier is one of my best employees, and the evidence is stacked against him.)

    Customer: “NO! I PAID WITH A F****** HUNDRED! I WANT MY F****** MONEY!”

    Me: “Alright, sir. If you’re that adamant, I’ll call the casino’s security.”

    Customer: “Good!”

    Me: “I just don’t like calling them. They’re so harsh about fraud. I mean, they drag people into the back room just for TRYING…”

    (The color drains out of the customer’s face.)

    Customer: “That… that’s a myth…”

    Me: “I wish it were, sir. I wish it were. Let call them.”

    (I pull my radio up, but he stops me.)

    Customer: “You know what; it’s not worth the hassle.” *to the cashier* “Enjoy the tip, b****.”

    (The customer storms off as fast as he can towards his theater.)

    Related:
    Getting All Hancocked Over A Benjamin

    Should Have Vetted The Owners First

    | Newport Beach, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

    (I’ve just graduated and I can’t find a job. My older brother is a veterinarian, and gets me a temp job at the animal clinic where he works. On my sixth day, when my brother has the day off, a client walks in with her dog. She cuts about eight people to the front.)

    Client: “My dog is sick! I need to see the doctor!”

    Me: “Okay. Do you have an appointment?”

    Client: “H***, no! I thought walk-ins were welcomed.”

    Me: “Yes. They are. Is this your first time here, or is your dog already in our system?”

    Client: “Of course I’ve been here! You must be stupid because this is, like, my 100th time here. My name is [Name] and my dog is Puddles.”

    Me: “And what seems to be the problem with Puddles?”

    Client: “I just told you! Don’t you f****** listen? He is f****** sick!”

    (By now everyone in the waiting room is looking at us. Feeling a bit embarrassed at being cussed at, I don’t ask her anymore questions. I hand her a form.)

    Me: “Alright. Just fill out this form and a doctor will be with you in about 20 to 30 minutes.”

    Client: “What! Why can’t I see the doctor now?! My dog sick and he is going to die!”

    (I look at the dog. He is wagging his tail and eating the free doggy treats we have out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. Since you don’t have an appointment, you’ll have to wait. We have about eight other walk-ins still waiting with their pets.”

    Client: “Is Dr. [Brother's Name] here? He’s the guy I always see. Just tell him I’m here.”

    Me: “Uh, no. That particular doctor has the day off. You’ll have to wait for Dr. [Name]. She’s the only doctor in today.”

    Client: “What?! I’m not going to wait in this f****** line! My dog is going to die and if he does I’m going to sue you for everything you got.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to wait like everyone else.”

    Client: “Don’t you know who I am?”

    Me: “Yes. You are [Name] and that is Puddles.”

    Client: “You little b****! I am Dr. [Brother's Name]‘s girlfriend, which makes me like family. I get to see the doctor first, before any of these people.”

    (I kind of giggle inside, because my brother is gay. He took the day off for his sixth year anniversary with his boyfriend.)

    Me: “Oh. Are you a girl that is his friend or his romantic girlfriend?”

    Client: “I’m his romantic girlfriend.”

    Me: “Oh… But you’re still going to have to wait.”

    Client: “Are you deaf or something? I told you I’m Dr. [Brother's Name]‘s girlfriend. You have to do what I say or I can have him fire you! You’re just jealous that I’m dating him and you’re too ugly for him to look at.”

    Me: “Okay. First, Dr. [Brother's Name] is my brother, so I don’t find him attractive in that sense at all. Second, my brother is GAY! He came out in college. So if you don’t have a wiener dog down there, I don’t think my brother would be very interested in you!”

    Client: “You little c***! I’m his girlfriend and I’m going to tell him to fire you!”

    Me: “If you’re his girlfriend, when is his birthday?”

    Client: “I don’t have to tell you! You’re probably in love with him, you w****!”

    (By now everyone is listening in on our conversation. There is a man in the walk-in line with a German Shepard. He comes up to the woman and tells her to back off and wait in line like everyone else.)

    Client: “Who the h*** are you? You can’t tell me what to do? Who the f*** do you think you are?”

    Man: “I am a sheriff’s deputy, ma’am. You’ve been harassing this woman for the past 10 minutes. She can file harassment charges on you and I will be her witness.”

    Client: “F*** you all. I’m never coming back here ever again!”

    (She came back the next day. My brother told her he will not be Puddles’ doctor anymore, and that, in fact, he is gay and not her boyfriend.)

    Only Slipping On The Truth

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (It is about 11 pm in a grocery store. I am the supervisor on duty. It is just me, cleaning the customer service counter, and one cashier working a register. An elderly customer ambles up to the checkout lane.)

    Cashier: “Hey, ma’am. How are you tonight?”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m just- AHHHHHHHH!” *waves her arms dramatically and hops backwards.* “Oh, my gosh, honey. There’s a HUGE puddle of water there! Oh, I slipped. I think I hurt something! Oh, my hip!”

    Cashier: “Really? Are you okay?”

    Customer: “Oww, my hip! Oh, I think I strained something! Get me your manager right now!”

    (The cashier pages the manager to the register.)

    Manager: “Oh, my goodness, ma’am. What happened?!”

    Customer: “There was a huge puddle of water! I slipped and I hurt my back! Oh, gosh. It hurts!”

    Manager: *to cashier, who is wiping the floor with paper towels that are remaining suspiciously dry* “Ring up her groceries for me, please.” *to the customer* “Here, ma’am. Have a seat. Please, tell me exactly what happened.”

    Customer: “Oh, there was all this water, and I slipped like this.”

    (The customer makes exaggerated lunges, trying to demonstrate how she fell.)

    Customer: “Oh, it was awful. My hip hurts! Oh, I threw out my back! Oh, it hurts!”

    (The customer makes more movements an injured person would be quite incapable of making.)

    Customer: “I’ll be contacting my lawyer!”

    Manager: “I see. Here’s my store and my personal information. Please give me yours as well, and we’ll be in touch. I’m terribly sorry about this. I hope you make it home alright.”

    (The customer ambles out to her car, shouting ‘oh, my back!’ the entire way.)

    Manager: “I need written statements from both of you. Good thing we have this on camera.”

    Cashier: “Do you think she’ll sue?”

    Manager: “I hope so. I’m putting her a** in jail if she does.”

    Shouldn’t Sweater Over It

    | Newcastle, England, UK | Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m looking for a popular Christmas jumper (sweater) and have finally found one in my size. It is the last one in the store and I have put it in my trolley. I’m just browsing around the other clothes when a customer looks into my trolley and takes the jumper.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but what are you doing?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “That jumper was in my trolley. I’m buying it.”

    Customer: “No. It wasn’t. I’ve just got this off the rail! Stop hassling me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I just WATCHED YOU take it out of my trolley and put it into your basket. Can you please give it back so I can go and buy it?”

    Customer: “No. It’s not your colour. Anyway, I didn’t take it out of your trolley.”

    Me: “Okay. There is an easy way of solving this. Why don’t we go and visit security and get them to look at the camera? If you took it out of my trolley then you give it back. If you didn’t and I was mistaken I will pay for the jumper for you as an apology. How does that sound?”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A THIEF YOU F*****G SKANK!”

    Me: “Right. I’ve had enough of this now. I came here just for that jumper.”

    (I grab it out of the basket. The customer walks away, muttering loudly.)

    Customer: “Such a b****. Ruining Christmas for me!”


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