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  • Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Tricks Of The Trade

    | Denmark | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [company name] hotline. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “My name is [name]. I’ve ordered mobile broadband weeks ago, but I didn’t receive squat!”

    Me: “Let me just check with customer service to see what we can do about that. Do you mind holding?”

    (I put the caller on hold and dial customer services. They check the tracking number for his modem and it seems he has already picked it up from his local post office. He is trying to get a free modem out of us.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m back. Looks like I’ve got a solution to your problem. Try to open the mobile partner software on your desktop.” (This is software that automatically installs itself first time you plug in the mobile broadband modem.)

    Caller: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I briefly explain to the customer that he couldn’t have done that without receiving the modem.)

    Caller: “I want to talk to your manager!”

    (I hand the call to my manager.)

    Caller: “Your employee tried to trick me! Now what are you going to do about it?”

    Manager: “Promote him?”

    Not Down Low On The Download

    | Ontario, Canada | Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do you have [this game] for PC?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. It’s $30. Would you like to purchase it?”

    Customer: “No thanks. I just wanted to see how much money I saved by downloading it instead.”

    Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want to look at my final bill.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Your room number?”

    Customer: *already angry by the question* “331!”

    Me: *looking at the name on the room* “331. Ms. Jones?”

    Customer: “Yeah! What’s the charge?”

    Me: “It’s $434.67.”

    Customer: “What! That’s insane! What did you people do? It should only be a hundred dollars!”

    Me: “Your bill shows a number of movie charges and quite a few items from our market here. It is 331, right, Ms. Jones?”

    Customer: “That’s insane! What did you do?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew you were going to try and cheat us and we wouldn’t know it till we got home!  I read on the internet that hotels always do this! Print that bill up right now! I’m going to sue you with it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about  the confusion, Ms. Jones. Here’s your bill.  Let me get my manager so we can look over this and figure out the problem.”

    (As my manager approaches, she grabs the bill out of my hand so hard she tears part of it.)

    Me: “Here you are, Ms. Jones. And here’s my manager.”

    Customer: *looking at bill* “This isn’t me!”

    Me: “You are not Ms. Jones, in 331?”

    Customer: “No! What is wrong with you?!” *turning to my manager* “Why do you let idiots work here?!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, what is your last name?”

    (The customer rattles off a long, hyphenated name that could not be further from Jones if she tried.)

    Manager: “Then I have to ask why, when my employee asked you if you were Ms. Jones, did you say yes?”

    Customer: “I don’t get paid to know who I am!”

    Give Them A Dress And They’ll Want A Yard

    | Ellensburg, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (I sell a dress to a lady and she leaves. As I am coming back from hanging a sign, she returns to the yard sale.)

    Customer: “I want to return this dress.”

    Me: “This is a yard sale. I don’t take returns.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a sign up. You should have a sign that says no returns.”

    Me: “I don’t need one. This is a yard sale.”

    Customer: *getting angry* “I want to return the dress. I don’t want it anymore!”

    Me:  “This is a yard sale. I am not a store, so I do not take returns.”

    Customer: “That’s dishonest I’m calling 911!”

    (The customer dials 911 on her cell phone and I hear her talking to the dispatcher.)

    Customer: “Hello! I’m at a yard sale and they won’t take back my dress!”

    Cutting Down Credit Fraud

    | Managua, Nicaragua | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hey man! I got some fraudulent charges on my credit card.”

    Me: “Ok sir, I understand let me help you report this.”

    Caller: “Don’t worry son, I already took care of it.”

    Me: “So you already called to report it?”

    Caller: “No son, I cut my credit card in thousands of pieces. Now I need a new one.”

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