Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…
(We sell a line of massage chairs. For two days, a man had come in, sat in one chair for 20 minutes, and left without looking at any other item. On the third day, my boss asks me to confront him.)
Me: “Hi, sir! I’ve noticed your interest in this massage chair. Are you interested in making a purchase?”
Customer: “Um… um… no…”
Me: “Sir, we can’t allow you to sit in the chair for this long three days in a row if you don’t even have the slightest interest in buying it. Other customers who are interested would like to try it, too.”
Customer: “What are you talking about, man? There isn’t anyone else here right now! And who would pay $1,500 for a chair!?”
Me: “Plenty of people. This is one of our most popular items.”
Customer: “Idiots! Why would they pay for the chair when they can just come here and use it for free?!”
Customer: “I’d like to get full coverage insurance on this vehicle.”
Me: “Well, your car is over 15 years old, so I don’t think that will be possible. We simply don’t have a company willing to write it.”
Customer: “But, what am I supposed to do if I want full coverage?”
Me: “I guess get a newer car?”
Customer: “If I wreck that car I’m screwed! I’m not that good of a driver to start with!”
Customer: “Excuse me, I purchased this juicer from you yesterday and it doesn’t seem to be working. You have to take it back.”
Me: “Really? Well I took that right out of the shipping crate it was delivered to us in, so no one here could have possibly have messed with it.”
Me: “Just let me check something, please.”
(I take the juicer out of the box and carry it over to the kitchen. Plugging it into an outlet I turn it on and watch as it revs up as normal.)
Me: “Well it seems to be in working order. Are you sure you hit the power switch on the side here to turn it on when you tried using
Customer: “Hey, you’re supposed to just give me my money back, not check if I’m telling the truth!”
Customer: "Excuse me…how much is this?"
Customer: "But the sign says it’s $19.99! Ha! So you have to give it to me for that!”
Me: "Ma’am, the sign says $19.99 and up."
Customer: "But it’s the law!”
Me: "Ma’am, I assure you, it is $24.99."
Customer: "Well, I’m a lawyer, and it’s the law!"
Me: "You’re not a lawyer, are you?"
Customer: "No. How did you know that?"
Me: "There is no such law."
Customer: “You’re too smart. I just thought I’d try to scare you into changing the price."