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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Feline Felony

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

    (I am finishing my break and heading back to the checkout, a woman frantically calls me over and asks me if she’s allowed to take a free cat food sample, and I tell her yes. About 10 minutes later she comes through my lane, with 50 or more cat food samples stuffed down her top, cradled in her arms, and in her handbag.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, the free samples are one per customer.”

    Customer: “I was just picking some up for my friends.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but your friends will have to come and pick up their own sample.”

    (She sighs and throws all the samples that she was holding in her arms onto my checkout.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you also have a lot more of our samples down your top and in your bag. You can’t have those ones, either.”

    Customer: “How dare you! I will have you know that I am currently eight months pregnant!”

    Me: “I told you that you could have a free sample ten minutes ago, and you weren’t pregnant then.”

    Customer: “Oh, s***!”

    (She empties all the samples from down her top onto the floor and sprints from the store, trailing escaped samples from her handbag as she goes.)

    Wrong Said Fred

    | New York, NY, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Caller: “Please put me through to [owner].”

    Me: “Sure, who’s calling please?”

    Caller: “His cousin Fred.”

    Me: “I didn’t know he had a cousin Fred.”

    Caller: “Why would you? You just answer phones! This is a family affair and none of your business! Who do you think you are anyway?”

    Me: “[Owner]‘s daughter.” *click*

    Sharing Ones Loss

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers

    (Students are required to show their student ID cards when borrowing a book. Two students walk up to the front desk.)

    Student #1: “Hi, I’d like to borrow this book for my friend here.” *hands me their student ID card*

    Me: “If your friend would like that book, then she needs to bring her own ID card and borrow it herself. I can’t let you borrow it for her in case she causes any damage or loses it.”

    Student #1: “Oh. But she’s very responsible. She wouldn’t damage or lose it.”

    (I turn to the second student.)

    Me: “Where is your student ID card?”

    Student #2: “I lost it.”

    Avoid A Soft Touch With Bad Customers

    | Louisiana, USA | Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

    (We sell a line of massage chairs. For two days, a man had come in, sat in one chair for 20 minutes, and left without looking at any other item. On the third day, my boss asks me to confront him.)

    Me: “Hi, sir! I’ve noticed your interest in this massage chair. Are you interested in making a purchase?”

    Customer: “Um… um… no…”

    Me: “Sir, we can’t allow you to sit in the chair for this long three days in a row if you don’t even have the slightest interest in buying it. Other customers who are interested would like to try it, too.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about, man? There isn’t anyone else here right now!  And who would pay $1,500 for a chair!?”

    Me: “Plenty of people. This is one of our most popular items.”

    Customer: “Idiots! Why would they pay for the chair when they can just come here and use it for free?!”

    Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 2

    | Texas, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I’d like to get full coverage insurance on this vehicle.”

    Me: “Well, your car is over 15 years old, so I don’t think that will be possible. We simply don’t have a company willing to write it.”

    Customer: “But, what am I supposed to do if I want full coverage?”

    Me: “I guess get a newer car?”

    Customer: “If I wreck that car I’m screwed! I’m not that good of a driver to start with!”

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    Pre(Car)ious Insurance

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