Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,173 thumbs up)
  • Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I came in here yesterday and ordered a chai tea and you guys gave me a mocha. That was not what I ordered!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I apologize if somehow they got messed up.”

    Customer: “Well, I want some sort of gift card or compensation. I am allergic to caffeine. It could have killed me!”

    Me: “You are allergic to caffeine but you ordered a chai tea? You do realize that chai is a black tea and highly caffeinated, right?”

    Customer: “I meant chocolate. I am allergic to chocolate!”

    (I look down at two chocolate bars in her hand.)

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: “Oh f*** you!”

    Logic Board Illogic

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    Me: “Hello, this is ***.”

    Caller: “I want to get my money back on a laptop I bought.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Caller: “Nothing’s wrong. My mom won’t let me put internet on my laptop, so I don’t want it anymore.”

    Me: “I don’t give refunds. My warranty only covers breaks.”

    Caller: “So, if I break it you will give me my money back?”

    DVD: Die Video Die

    | Wollongong, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Top

    Customer: “This d*** DVD doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Oh I’m sorry sir, I’ll put it in to be cleaned immediately.” *I check disc for scratches* “I would say the reason this particular disc doesn’t work is that it’s cracked right in half.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that s***! Half the DVD’s from this place won’t work in my DVD player!”

    Me: “Well, unfortunately some patrons don’t take very good care of them.”

    Customer: “Well why should I? It don’t work so I snapped it!”

    Me:You broke the DVD sir?”

    Customer: “Your DVDs never work anyway, and I’m sick of it!”

    Me: “You realize I will have to charge you the cost of a new DVD?”

    Customer: “That’s an outrage! Your DVDs don’t work because some selfish idiot doesn’t look after them, so I have to pay for it?”

    Me: “Did you or did you not break this DVD in half sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, but only because I’d already scratched it by throwing it across the room.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “Well if I didn’t do it, someone else just would have…If my dog damaged the disc, would I still have to pay for it?”

    Me: “Yes, you would.”

    Customer: “You’re a moody cow, you know that?!”

    Blame A Lack Of Concentration

    | Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It’s brown.”

    Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

    Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

    Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

    Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”

    Remote Chance Of A Refund

    | Missoula, MT, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to return this TV.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with it?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t work right.”

    Me: “Okay, I will just have to take a look at it. May I see your receipt?”

    Customer: “You can’t look at the TV. It doesn’t work, that’s all! You need to know give me my money and send it back!”

    Me: “Sir, it is store policy. I have to look at the returned item before I can give you your refund.”

    (The customer stays silent. We open box to find a remote actually stuck into the TV screen.)

    Customer: “So, am I not gonna get that refund now?”

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