Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (2,901 thumbs up)
  • Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Getting Landlines Tangled

    | Ireland | Liars & Scammers

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [me], may I please speak to [customer]?”

    Customer: “Yes, speaking.”

    Me: “I am calling from [company name]. There is a slight issue with your account. Do you have a moment to discuss this issue now?”

    *long pause*

    Customer: “Hello? Hello?! Sorry, I have terrible reception here.”

    Me: “Sir, I am speaking to you on your home phone.”

    Customer: “What?!” *hangs up*

    The Cup Is Half Empty Kinda Guy

    | Norway | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (The chain we are a part of has a free coffee/warm beverage deal if you buy a cup with their brand, new each year of course. A customer comes to cash registry with smoking hot cup of warm coffee and a candy bar. The cup clearly states it is from 2005.)

    Me: “That’s [price] sir.”

    Customer: *shouting* “What?! For one lousy candy bar? Are you insane?”

    Me: “No sir, that’s for the candy bar, and for the hot beverage.”

    Customer: “This is a brand new cup! I bought it last week. Don’t try to rip me off!”

    (I point out the 2005 and he stares blankly at me for a second.)

    Customer: “But I have a gold card! I’m entitled to coffee all year long!”

    Me: “No, sir, you’re entitled to one cup. If you lose the cup, or fail to bring it, then you must pay for it.”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to pay for things that I buy!”

    Not So Smart-Phone

    | Merrimack, NH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology

    Customer: “I’m looking for a cable to hook my [brand] cell phone up to the computer. The plug looks like this.” *the customer shows me the broken end of a cable*

    Me: “This doesn’t look like the plug for any [brand] phone I’ve ever seen. May I see the phone?”

    (The customer hands me his phone, which is a bulky, inelegant phone/camera/portable TV and very obviously not a [brand].)

    Me: “Sir, who told you this phone was a [brand]?”

    Customer: “Some guy in Boston I bought it from. See, right there is the logo.”

    (The customer points to a logo on the phone that looks exactly like the logo for one of [brand]‘s famous product lines, but it is slightly modified so that one of the letters is different.)

    Me: “Well, I think I see the problem. This is definitely not a [brand]; it’s a cheap Chinese knock-off, and that logo has one of the letters changed. See?”

    Customer: “Let’s look at the manual. I’ve got it here.”

    (The customer begins thumbing through what looks like a photocopied manual full of tiny text written in bad English.)

    Customer: “You’d think the guys at [brand] would be able to write clearer instructions.”

    Me: “Sir, I really recommend that you bring that item back if you can.”

    Customer: “No way, I bought this because it’s a phone that doesn’t need the web. All they have these days are smart phones that go on the web. But I’m not smart.”

    Me: “Did the guy in Boston tell you that?”

    Related:
    Not So Smart-Card

    2 Guys, A Lie And A Burger Place

    | Sebastian, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (The customer points out an ad on our window asking customers to inquire on how to get a free burger.)

    Customer: “How do you get the free burger?”

    Me: “You call the number on the back of your receipt and after a short survey they give you a confirmation code.”

    Customer: “Yeah, my code is 6610. Now give me my free burger.”

    Me:“Sir, if you’re going to make up a fake code make sure you know how long the codes are.”

    Not A Believer

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

    Me: “$38.99.”

    Caller: “Okay, well usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

    Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

    Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “A what?”

    Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”

    Page 51/56First...4950515253...Last