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  • Filled With Creamy Justice
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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    DVD: Die Video Die

    | Wollongong, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Top

    Customer: “This d*** DVD doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Oh I’m sorry sir, I’ll put it in to be cleaned immediately.” *I check disc for scratches* “I would say the reason this particular disc doesn’t work is that it’s cracked right in half.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that s***! Half the DVD’s from this place won’t work in my DVD player!”

    Me: “Well, unfortunately some patrons don’t take very good care of them.”

    Customer: “Well why should I? It don’t work so I snapped it!”

    Me:You broke the DVD sir?”

    Customer: “Your DVDs never work anyway, and I’m sick of it!”

    Me: “You realize I will have to charge you the cost of a new DVD?”

    Customer: “That’s an outrage! Your DVDs don’t work because some selfish idiot doesn’t look after them, so I have to pay for it?”

    Me: “Did you or did you not break this DVD in half sir?”

    Customer: “Yes, but only because I’d already scratched it by throwing it across the room.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “Well if I didn’t do it, someone else just would have…If my dog damaged the disc, would I still have to pay for it?”

    Me: “Yes, you would.”

    Customer: “You’re a moody cow, you know that?!”

    Blame A Lack Of Concentration

    | Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It’s brown.”

    Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

    Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

    Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

    Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”

    Remote Chance Of A Refund

    | Missoula, MT, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to return this TV.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with it?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t work right.”

    Me: “Okay, I will just have to take a look at it. May I see your receipt?”

    Customer: “You can’t look at the TV. It doesn’t work, that’s all! You need to know give me my money and send it back!”

    Me: “Sir, it is store policy. I have to look at the returned item before I can give you your refund.”

    (The customer stays silent. We open box to find a remote actually stuck into the TV screen.)

    Customer: “So, am I not gonna get that refund now?”

    Tricks Of The Trade

    | Denmark | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [company name] hotline. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “My name is [name]. I’ve ordered mobile broadband weeks ago, but I didn’t receive squat!”

    Me: “Let me just check with customer service to see what we can do about that. Do you mind holding?”

    (I put the caller on hold and dial customer services. They check the tracking number for his modem and it seems he has already picked it up from his local post office. He is trying to get a free modem out of us.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m back. Looks like I’ve got a solution to your problem. Try to open the mobile partner software on your desktop.” (This is software that automatically installs itself first time you plug in the mobile broadband modem.)

    Caller: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I briefly explain to the customer that he couldn’t have done that without receiving the modem.)

    Caller: “I want to talk to your manager!”

    (I hand the call to my manager.)

    Caller: “Your employee tried to trick me! Now what are you going to do about it?”

    Manager: “Promote him?”

    Not Down Low On The Download

    | Ontario, Canada | Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do you have [this game] for PC?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. It’s $30. Would you like to purchase it?”

    Customer: “No thanks. I just wanted to see how much money I saved by downloading it instead.”


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