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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    No Happy Ending

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer brings a book up to the counter, but the front cover is torn off, along with some pages.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I’m not sure why a book in this condition was on the shelf. Let me go get a new one.”

    Customer: “No, it’s ok. I did it.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I already read the first part. I just wanted to buy the ending.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Do I get a discount? It’s only half the book.”

    Lost A Sense Of Irony

    | Wildwood, NJ, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hi, can I check your lost and found? I think I left my phone here the other night.”

    Me: “Sure.” *gets out box* “Here you go.”

    Customer: *rummages through the box* “Whoa!”

    (She finds a very expensive MP3 player and begins to pocket it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you said you left your phone here.”

    Customer: “Yea so? I still want this.”

    Me: “But it’s not yours, someone else lost it and will probably be looking for it.”

    Customer: “Well if they were stupid enough to lose something so expensive they don’t deserve to have it! Oh, here’s my phone!”

    (She walks away with her brand new iPhone 4.)

    Popcon

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV

    (A customer walks up holding a large red bag of popcorn to be refilled.)

    Customer: “Hi, could I please get a refill?”

    Me: “Did you buy this popcorn today?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s weird because we stopped selling these popcorn bags a month ago. We have black bags now.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    On Completely Different Wavelengths

    | Chesapeake, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    (Note: the caller ID shows an out of town number.)

    Caller: “Uh, hi. My room radio doesn’t work anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. What room are you in?”

    Caller: “Oh, no, I’m at home! I took the radio home and now the buttons on top don’t work. It’s just fuzz! No music!”

    Me: “Wait. So you stole a radio, took it home, and now you’re calling because the pre-assigned buttons don’t work?”

    Caller: “Can you fix it or not?!”

    Getting Landlines Tangled

    | Ireland | Liars & Scammers

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [me], may I please speak to [customer]?”

    Customer: “Yes, speaking.”

    Me: “I am calling from [company name]. There is a slight issue with your account. Do you have a moment to discuss this issue now?”

    *long pause*

    Customer: “Hello? Hello?! Sorry, I have terrible reception here.”

    Me: “Sir, I am speaking to you on your home phone.”

    Customer: “What?!” *hangs up*

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