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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    I Scream Fraud

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [ice cream department]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: *sounding angry* “I just purchased some of your ice cream for my son and now he’s broken out in hives! He has an allergy and all your ingredients should be clearly labelled!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. It does say that our ice cream is both peanut and gluten free, and our ingredients are available upon request, as they vary, depending on the type of ice cream someone orders.”

    Customer: “Well you didn’t tell me that before! And now my son has broken out in hives! This is all your fault!”

    Me:”May I ask what your son is allergic to?”

    Customer: “Sucrose. I don’t see why this matters.”

    Me: *raises eyebrow* “Our ice cream doesn’t contain sucrose.”

    (At this point, said customer’s young son walks in, looking perfectly fine and eating his ice cream.)

    Customer: *surprised* “I told you to wait outside!” *in a lower voice* “…and out of sight!”

    Cause And Defect

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    Guest: “How much for one of your hotel rooms?”

    Me: *gives price*

    Guest: “How about if I only pay [another price]?”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I can’t do that. We’re almost sold out and I can’t reduce room rates when we’re almost sold out.”

    Guest: “Do you really think you’re going to sell this room anytime tonight?”

    Me: “Yes, I will. I’m the only hotel in the area with rooms left and other hotels are sending their overflow guests to me. I’ll sell this room in the next half hour.”

    Guest: “Oh come on!”

    Me: “Plus there’s a concert tonight and I’m getting a lot of concert go’ers coming in to get a room.”

    Guest: “But the concert is over! I just came from the concert myself!”

    Me: “And here you are!”

    Not Exactly Gifted

    | Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (Customer has been hovering around my register for the past few minutes.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

    Customer: “Do these gift cards have expiration dates?”

    Me: “Nope, they’ll last until you feel like spending them.”

    Customer: “Oh. Uh, where can I find the restroom?”

    (As soon as I turn around and point to the bathroom, he grabs a rack of gift cards and sprints for the door, trailing cards behind him.)

    Me: *yelling after him* “Sir, those don’t have anything on them until you purchase them.”

    (He stops at the door for a moment, then sheepishly returns and puts the rack back.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you guys have a freaking sign out saying they’re empty?!”

    If At First You Don’t Succeed, Chai Again

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I came in here yesterday and ordered a chai tea and you guys gave me a mocha. That was not what I ordered!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I apologize if somehow they got messed up.”

    Customer: “Well, I want some sort of gift card or compensation. I am allergic to caffeine. It could have killed me!”

    Me: “You are allergic to caffeine but you ordered a chai tea? You do realize that chai is a black tea and highly caffeinated, right?”

    Customer: “I meant chocolate. I am allergic to chocolate!”

    (I look down at two chocolate bars in her hand.)

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: “Oh f*** you!”

    Logic Board Illogic

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    Me: “Hello, this is ***.”

    Caller: “I want to get my money back on a laptop I bought.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Caller: “Nothing’s wrong. My mom won’t let me put internet on my laptop, so I don’t want it anymore.”

    Me: “I don’t give refunds. My warranty only covers breaks.”

    Caller: “So, if I break it you will give me my money back?”


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