Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Just Telling It Like It Is
    (3,017 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    What Would Jesus Discount?

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Religion

    (Three teenagers come up to my register to buy some CD cases.)

    Me: “And that comes to $10.33.”

    Teenager: “What if my dad was the Prime Minister?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Teenager: “What if he came in, and said it was $5?”

    Me: “It would still be $10.33?”

    (He seems to think this over for a minute.)

    Teenager: “Well, what if he was the government?! Then what?”

    Me: “The price would still be $10.33.”

    Teenager: “Okay, so then, what if Jesus himself came into the store, and came up to you, and said it was $5?”

    Me: “Well, Jesus would still have to pay full price. Which is $10.33.”

    Teenager: “If Jesus was here, you’d be going to h***!”

    Excuses That Don’t Hold Water

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Thanks for calling [hotel], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a room next weekend. My kid has a swim meet down there.”

    Me: “Okay. Rooms with two doubles are going for $135.”

    Customer: “Give me a corporate rate on that room.”

    Me: “Sir, corporate rates are for business travel. You just told me you were coming for a swim meet.”

    Customer: “Well, uh, I sell swimsuits!”

    Related:
    Logic That Doesn’t Hold Water

    One Scamwich, Coming Right Up, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m supervising on a Sunday afternoon, our slowest day of the week. We’ve only been open a couple hours and have only made maybe 4 or 5 sandwiches. A customer calls in with a complaint.)

    Caller: “Excuse me, I ordered a sandwich from you this morning and it is just terrible! You toasted it too much and it just fell apart when I bit into it!”

    Me: “Well that’s odd, sir. If a sandwich was toasted too long it would normally burn long before it would dry out like that. What did you order?”

    Caller: “Chicken.”

    Me: “I can’t find your order in the system. Could you tell me what time you were here?”

    Caller: “This morning sometime.”

    Me: “We weren’t open this morning, sir. We open at noon on Sundays.”

    Caller: “Well, maybe it was after noon then.”

    Me: “Okay, well I’ve been here all day and I don’t recall serving a chicken sandwich to a gentleman today.”

    Caller: “It was my wife who came in.”

    Me: “I’m looking through today’s orders on the computer, and I haven’t served any chicken sandwich today. Are you sure you came to this location?”

    Caller: “Yes. And it was last night. I talked to the manager and he said you’d give me a free sandwich today.”

    Me: “I was the manager last night too, sir.”

    Caller: “You’re not going to give me a free sandwich, are you?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m not.”

    Caller: “Okay, then.” *hangs up*

    Related:
    One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

    No Happy Ending

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer brings a book up to the counter, but the front cover is torn off, along with some pages.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I’m not sure why a book in this condition was on the shelf. Let me go get a new one.”

    Customer: “No, it’s ok. I did it.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I already read the first part. I just wanted to buy the ending.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Do I get a discount? It’s only half the book.”

    Lost A Sense Of Irony

    | Wildwood, NJ, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hi, can I check your lost and found? I think I left my phone here the other night.”

    Me: “Sure.” *gets out box* “Here you go.”

    Customer: *rummages through the box* “Whoa!”

    (She finds a very expensive MP3 player and begins to pocket it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you said you left your phone here.”

    Customer: “Yea so? I still want this.”

    Me: “But it’s not yours, someone else lost it and will probably be looking for it.”

    Customer: “Well if they were stupid enough to lose something so expensive they don’t deserve to have it! Oh, here’s my phone!”

    (She walks away with her brand new iPhone 4.)

    Page 48/55First...4647484950...Last