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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer comes in with a laptop that he bought and a laptop sleeve that he got for free with the laptop.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, this sleeve doesn’t fit the laptop.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s no problem, sir. I don’t have any larger sleeves, but you can take a look at the laptop bags.”

    Customer: “No, I just want my money back.”

    Me: “Well, sir, you didn’t pay anything for the sleeve. It came for free with the laptop as part of a promotion. I can return it for you, but you won’t get any money back.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I can go ask the manager, if you like.”

    Customer: “Do that.”

    (I go in the back and talk to the manager, who tells me exactly what I just told the customer. Then, I head back out to the front.)

    Me: “Well, sir, the manager told me the same thing. I can return it, but you won’t get any money back.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable! Who do you people think you are? I want my money back!”

    Me: “But, sir, you didn’t pay anything for it.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! Go get your manager! I’ll get your a** fired!”

    No Shame, Period

    | Montreal, Quebec, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Rude & Risque

    (I am working in the produce section where we sell very thick and very red cranberry juice. As I am placing some on the shelves, I drop one, which spills on the ground. To prevent it from leaking all over the place, I quickly carry it to the customer bathroom close by to empty the rest in the toilet, leaving a long trail of red liquid.)

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Someone’s had their period in the bathroom!”

    Me: “Oh, no, ma’am. I just dropped cranberry juice on the floor.”

    Customer: “Well, then, can I get a discount for the nausea?”

    Unfortunately, Your IQ Adds Up To Zero

    | Sydney, Australia | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (We are currently running a promotion where customers can get 20% off their entire purchase with a coupon. On this day, I watch as a customer brings 5 items into the change room, picks up the first item, and brings it to the cash register, leaving the other four behind.)

    Customer: “Just this, please.”

    Me: “Sure. Was there a problem with the other four items?”

    Customer: “No, no, I still want them! Leave them there for me. I’ll come back for them.”

    Me: “You’ll…come back for them? I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m afraid we don’t reserve items.”

    Customer: “I’ll only be a second!”

    (I decide not to say anything and continue with the transaction.)

    Customer: “Wait, I want to use my coupon! It’s a 20% discount!”

    (I take her coupon and bring up her new total. She pays and leaves the store. However, she immediately turns on her heel and comes back in, heading towards the change rooms where she picks up the next item on the pile and brings it to me.)

    Customer: “Hello, just this, please. And I have a coupon!” *takes out another coupon*

    Me: “You know, ma’am, this isn’t necessary. 20% off the total price of all the items is exactly the same as the sum of 20% off each individual item. So you can just buy all your items in a single transaction.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? If I bought them in single transaction, I’d only be getting 20% off! But I have five coupons! 20 times 5 is 100! So now, I’m getting 100% off!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *winks* “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone how to cheat the system!”

    Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day

    | CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    Boy: *hands over ID*

    (I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

    Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

    Boy: “24.”

    Me: “What’s your birth date?”

    Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

    Boy: “How’s it fake?”

    (I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

    Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”

    When Photos Are Exposed

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. We do not allow the use of photography in the museum.”
     
    Guest: “I wasn’t taking a photograph!” *shows me her phone*
     
    Me: “Sorry, the way you were holding your phone looked as if you were taking a photograph. Although not only did you take a photograph, but you saved it as your cell phone wallpaper and are currently showing it to me.”

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