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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Not So Smart-Phone

    | Merrimack, NH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology

    Customer: “I’m looking for a cable to hook my [brand] cell phone up to the computer. The plug looks like this.” *the customer shows me the broken end of a cable*

    Me: “This doesn’t look like the plug for any [brand] phone I’ve ever seen. May I see the phone?”

    (The customer hands me his phone, which is a bulky, inelegant phone/camera/portable TV and very obviously not a [brand].)

    Me: “Sir, who told you this phone was a [brand]?”

    Customer: “Some guy in Boston I bought it from. See, right there is the logo.”

    (The customer points to a logo on the phone that looks exactly like the logo for one of [brand]‘s famous product lines, but it is slightly modified so that one of the letters is different.)

    Me: “Well, I think I see the problem. This is definitely not a [brand]; it’s a cheap Chinese knock-off, and that logo has one of the letters changed. See?”

    Customer: “Let’s look at the manual. I’ve got it here.”

    (The customer begins thumbing through what looks like a photocopied manual full of tiny text written in bad English.)

    Customer: “You’d think the guys at [brand] would be able to write clearer instructions.”

    Me: “Sir, I really recommend that you bring that item back if you can.”

    Customer: “No way, I bought this because it’s a phone that doesn’t need the web. All they have these days are smart phones that go on the web. But I’m not smart.”

    Me: “Did the guy in Boston tell you that?”

    Related:
    Not So Smart-Card

    2 Guys, A Lie And A Burger Place

    | Sebastian, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (The customer points out an ad on our window asking customers to inquire on how to get a free burger.)

    Customer: “How do you get the free burger?”

    Me: “You call the number on the back of your receipt and after a short survey they give you a confirmation code.”

    Customer: “Yeah, my code is 6610. Now give me my free burger.”

    Me:“Sir, if you’re going to make up a fake code make sure you know how long the codes are.”

    Not A Believer

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

    Me: “$38.99.”

    Caller: “Okay, well usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

    Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

    Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “A what?”

    Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”

    Computers Increase The Chance Of Identity Theft

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

    (A customer is requesting a refund on a computer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I cannot give you a refund on your computer.”

    Customer: “What?! Why the not?!”

    Me: “You don’t have a receipt. It’s two years old, and long out of warranty.”

    Customer: “I’ll have you know, I’m a lawyer and I could sue you for everything you’ve got!”

    Me: “We only have a 30 day refund policy. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “I’m an assistant attorney general, and I will have you reported! This is an outrage!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Don’t you take that tone with me! I’m a board member of this chain, and you need to serve me!”

    Me: “If there is nothing else, I’m going to have to ask you to remove your device and leave.”

    Customer: “You can’t tell me to leave! I’m the owner’s nephew!”

    Me: “Please calm down and leave.”

    Customer: “Do you have any idea who I am?!”

    Me: “Do you?”

    Making Phoney Claims

    | Calabasas, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (A female customer has just left the store after receiving her order. She then returns, extremely agitated.)

    Customer: “My phone is missing!”

    Me: “Did you leave it in the store?”

    Customer: “Of course not! I’m not stupid. It was in my car!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, no one’s turned in a phone.”

    (The customer then proceeds to search all over the not-exactly-large shop, including overturning the wastebasket in the restroom and questioning other patrons. Meanwhile, I take my rather expensive touch-screen phone to check the time.)

    Customer: “Hey, that’s my phone!”

    Me: “No, it’s not. It’s mine.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! People who work someplace like this can’t afford phones like that! Is that why you made my order take so long? So you could steal my phone?”

    Me: “Are you saying while your coffee was being made, I snuck out the back door, ran around the building, found the one car in the parking lot that belonged to you, broke in, stole your phone, and got back in time to help the next customer in line?”

    Customer: “So you admit it! I’m calling the police!”


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