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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    That’s (Not) A Wrap Folks

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Good afternoon.”

    Caller: “I was there at lunch today and got take out. When I got home I realized I had a salad and not the wrap. Your staff obviously can’t get an order right. You better rectify this. I am not impressed at all.”

    Me: “What did you order?”

    Caller: “A caesar salad.”

    Me: “But isn’t that what you got?”

    Caller: “But I wanted the caesar salad wrap. You guys screwed up.”

    Me: “We don’t have a caesar salad wrap. Did you tell the cashier that you wanted a wrap?”

    Caller: “You have caesar salad wraps, so she was pretty stupid if she didn’t know what I wanted.”

    Me: “We have a roma chicken wrap with caesar dressing and feta. Is that what you wanted?”

    Caller: “Well, your business is pretty stupid if you call a salad a caesar salad but don’t call a wrap that when you have one. I expect to be compensated for your stupidity.”

    Me: “So you want to be compensated because you ordered the wrong item and our staff didn’t tell you that you really wanted something else?”

    Caller: “Well…yes!”

    Did A Number On This One

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am calling a customer.)

    Me: “May I speak to [customer's name] please?”

    Woman: “He’s not here.”

    Me: “This is [name], with [phone company]. I am calling to remind you that your phone bill was due on the 5th and is in danger of being disconnected. Can you tell me when you will be able to pay it?”

    Woman: “How did you get this number? It’s unlisted!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the phone company. We gave you this phone number.”

    A Large Can Of Whoop-A** And A Side Of Just Desserts

    | Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (Around my restaurant area a lot of kids hang out, most of whom are the unfavorable type. This day in particular, one of them decides to open the door and swear at everyone inside/)

    Kid: “All of you are f***ing b****es!”

    (We ignore it and try to continue work as if nothing happened.)

    Kid: “F*** you, f***ing pigs!”

    (We ignore it again and this repeats for another two times. I am getting very annoyed.)

    Kid: “Girls should stay in the kitchen!”

    Me: “Hey, stop that or I’ll call security.”

    Kid: *looks at me up and down* “Whatever! I bet you want to do me, don’t you?”

    (The kid continues to talk dirty and make gestures to me, so I cut it off there.)

    Me: “Get out of here before I start breaking your legs.”

    (The kid looks shocked, probably because he didn’t expect anyone to snap back at him. He runs away. My co-worker, boss and everyone else in the restaurant applaud and we get back into business. About 20 minutes later, the kid comes back with his mother.)

    Mother: “Look, my son told me you threatened to break his legs! I’m reporting you to the police!”

    Me: “Did he also tell you he was harassing us?”

    Mother: “He told me he was talking to people when you–" *pushes index finger into my chest* "–threatened to break his legs!”

    Me: “I can tell you, now, Ma’am. He was harassing me and the customers.”

    Mother: “Lies! I’ll charge you for threatening a child!”

    Me: “Yes, then I’ll sue him for harassment, sexual harassment and disturbing the peace.”

    (The mother looks at the kid with horror on her face but doesn’t give up just yet.)

    Mother: “You have no proof my son did that! I’ll charge you for psychological damages!”

    Me: “I have plenty of proof on our cameras.” *I point to camera in the back corner, and then to the one at the front* “I also have a room full of witnesses who can give testimony on what he said and did.”

    Mother: *stands on her spot stunned*

    Me: “So do you want your can of whoop-a** here, or shall I serve it to you in court?”

    Suffering For Art

    | Laguna Beach, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (There are giant "No Photography" signs posted on all doors and all over the gallery. A gallery patron pulls out her camera and starts photographing artwork.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

    Patron: “Oh, sorry. Why can’t I take pictures?”

    Me: “These are copyrighted images and if we let everyone take pictures, they would have no reason to purchase the art.”

    (The patron shrugs, pulls out her cell phone, and walks around the gallery. She holds it up in the air while taking pictures of the wall art.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but like I said before, we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

    Patron: “I wasn’t taking pictures, I was talking on the phone!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you were holding it over your head, and you weren’t even talking.”

    Patron: “Well, it’s none of your business how I talk on my phone. Besides, I don’t think any of them were in focus.”

    Caught Red Carded

    | New Zealand | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer comes in to get replacement debit card. Lost cards attract a replacement fee, but for stolen cards the fee is waived.)

    Customer: “I need to cancel my debit card and get a new one.”

    Me: “No problem. Was it lost or stolen?”

    Customer: *looks a bit confused* “I’ve only just noticed it’s missing. Does it make a difference?”

    (I explain about replacement card fee.)

    Customer: “Yeah, it think it must have been stolen when I left my wallet in the car earlier.”

    Me: “No problem. Do you happen to have any ID on you?”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (The customer pulls out an old, tattered wallet that also clearly contains a reasonable amount of cash and gets a drivers license
    out.)

    Me: “Thanks. You were pretty lucky.”

    Customer: “How come?”

    Me: “Lucky they only stole your debit card from your wallet.”

    Customer: *suddenly looking guilty* “Yeah.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “So I’m going to charge the Replacement Card Fee?”

    Me:“Yeah.”

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