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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day

    | CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    Boy: *hands over ID*

    (I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

    Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

    Boy: “24.”

    Me: “What’s your birth date?”

    Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

    Boy: “How’s it fake?”

    (I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

    Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”

    When Photos Are Exposed

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. We do not allow the use of photography in the museum.”
     
    Guest: “I wasn’t taking a photograph!” *shows me her phone*
     
    Me: “Sorry, the way you were holding your phone looked as if you were taking a photograph. Although not only did you take a photograph, but you saved it as your cell phone wallpaper and are currently showing it to me.”

    A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Newark, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

    Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

    Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

    Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

    (I tap him on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

    Customer: “W-what?”

    Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Where did you go to law school?”

    *pause*

    Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

    (The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

    Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

    Related:
    A Poser By Any Other Name

    When Life Presents A Fork, Choose The Right Way

    , | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: *walks up to the counter* “Hey, you guys forgot my fork and croutons!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Here you are.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t I get free food because you guys messed up?!”

    Me: “You get a free fork and croutons.”

    When Two Wrongs Make It Right

    | Washington, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (The night previous we had a customer shoplift about $300 worth of merchandise while I was on shift. Thankfully, while she did get away with quite a bit, she escaped with only one boot of a pair as I had removed the second boot, with ink tag intact, pending acceptance of her check.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store name] what can we help you find today?”

    Caller: “Hi! I was at your store last night and the lady that helped me shorted us a shoe!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What style was it?”

    Caller: “A [brand]. It was the right shoe. She was going to take the tag off and never did! I live far away so do you think you could transfer it to the [different location] store?”

    Me: “I don’t believe that would be feasible as we don’t have a way to get it to that store, but we might be able to mail it to you! Can I get your name, phone number, and address?”

    Caller: “Sure. It is [name, number & address].”

    (I get off the phone looking like the Cheshire cat. The thief had just given her full name, phone number, and address.)


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