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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Calling B.S. On Your B.S.

    | Michigan, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [university]. What can I help you with today?”

    Caller: “Yes, hi. I would like to know how to be an alumni. Like, how do I get the alumni membership of this university?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, have you graduated from our university?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “So you are still attending this university at the moment?”

    Caller: “No. I just want the benefits. I can get money off on my insurance, but I need you to make me an alumni officially.”

    Me: “Have you ever attended our university?”

    Caller: *impatient* “No! Can you just tell me how to do this?”

    Me: “Well, an alumni is someone who has graduated with an actual degree from the university. You cannot be an alumni unless you have graduated with a degree.”

    Caller: *silent*

    Me: “One of our degrees.”

    Caller: *still silent*

    Me: “Only graduates from our university can have our alumni benefits.”

    Caller: “What?!”

    Me: “You can’t be an alumni and have those benefits without graduating from here.”

    Caller: “What? I just want it for insurance. How come you can’t understand this?!”

    (This went on for another fifteen minutes before she gave up!)

    You Have The Right To Remain Drunk

    | Nebraska, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (It’s the end of the night and I’m standing at the front door to make sure no one takes their drinks out of the building, which is illegal in Nebraska. I stop one gentleman on his way out with a beer.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir. You can’t step out with that.”

    Customer: “I think I can.”

    Me: “No, sir, you really can’t.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah?”

    (He pulls out his wallet and shows me a crude fabric badge sewn on to it.)

    Customer: “You’d better let me go and give me my beer before you get your a** in trouble.”

    Me: “So, you’re going to throw me in jail for keeping you from breaking the law?”

    Customer: *belches loudly, vomits a bit on his shirt, and leaves empty handed*

    Two And A Half Customers

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (Our salon requires a credit card hold for parties of three or more to discourage last-minute cancellations. It doesn’t matter how old the customers are. Whether they are 3-year-olds or 80-year-olds, we still reserve a spot for them regardless. We have a lot of customers who try to get around the credit card rule.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [salon], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I wanted to make appointments for two people today.”

    Me: “Sure, what kind of services would you like?”

    Caller: “Two pedicures.”

    (I book the appointments, confirm with the caller, and am about to end the call.)

    Caller: “I also wanted to bring my daughter in for a kid’s pedi.”

    Me: “Oh okay, so you’re actually booking for three people?”

    Caller: *sounding annoyed* “Does she even count? She’s just a kid.”

    Me: “Yes, she does. She’s still a person.”

    Caller: “That’s ridiculous!”

    Speaking Of Rips…

    | Bella Vista, AR, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (I’m in the lawn and garden section and see a lady looking at some flowers. I see her pull a flowerpot off of the rack and tear the plastic container apart. She then turns around and sees me.)

    Customer: “The packaging on this item is broken. Can I get a discount?”

    Me: *unsure of how to respond* “Let me get you my manager, ma’am.”

    (I explain the situation to my manager on the way over.)

    Customer: “The packaging on this item was broken. Can I get a discount?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we can’t give discounts on items that you yourself have broken.”

    Customer: “What a rip-off!” *leaves store*

    Egg On Your Face

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m kind of petite, so when I’m in the box office I get a lot of kids who seem to think they can intimidate me into selling them R-rated tickets. This particular customer is a classmate of my little sister’s who annoys everyone by walking around repeating ‘I like eggs’ over and over and over again.)

    Kid: “Me and my friend want to see Beerfest.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you the ticket.”

    Kid: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “You’re not 17.”

    Kid: “How the h*** do you know?”

    Me: “One, you don’t look it. Two, you’re in my sister’s class.”

    (The kid stomps off, and goes to the other side of the box office to try the same thing. When it doesn’t work, he comes back with his father.)

    Kid’s Father: “Let me get this straight. It’s a movie theater…and you can’t discriminate against customers…but you won’t let my boy into that movie because he’s too young?!”

    Me: “It’s rated R, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “You told me it was PG-13.”

    Kid: “She’s lying!”

    Me: “Sir, the marquee says it’s rated R. Any website you look at will say it’s rated R. There’s really no way to lie about it.”

    Kid’s Father: “I guess that means I have to go with him, huh?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “That’s it. You’re waiting for DVD.”

    Kid: “This is so not fair! You can’t do this to me!” *to me* “Don’t you know who I am?!”

    Me: *calmly* “My sister tells me you like eggs.”

    Kid’s Father: *laughs hysterically* “If I could give you a high five, I would!”

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