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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    A Borderline Liar

    | CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (A customer is paying with her credit card.)

    Me: “I just need to see your card and ID.”

    (She hands me her YMCA card.)

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. I need a valid ID.”

    Customer: “That is a valid ID.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I need either a state issued ID or a military ID.”

    (She looks through her wallet but can’t find her ID.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you want to use another form of payment?”

    Customer: “No, this is ridiculous. I use this card everywhere I go for identification. I’ve even passed through immigration with this.”

    Me: “Really? With your YMCA card?”

    Customer: “Yes! At the airport, all you need is an ID with a picture on it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, I guess we are just not as lenient as Homeland Security.”

    They Got Owned

    | Greenwich, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work in a very affluent part of town at a very well-known clothing store. The owners are known around town and come into the store very often. We get a lot of wealthy and prominent customers who are used to getting what they want, no matter what. Because of this, we try do everything we can to satisfy them the best we can.)

    Me: “Hello there, can I help you with anything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am looking for [item], and I need it in this size.”

    Me: “Okay! Let me go check for you. I’ll be back in a moment.”

    (Meanwhile, one of the owners walks in and starts talking to my manager.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t happen to have that item in stock. I can check another store for you if you like, and we can ship it to you free of charge.”


    Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am, but we do not have that item. We don’t have it in any sizes. We unfortunately sold out. But I can call a few of our other stores and get it shipped to you.”


    (She sees another customer who is wearing what she wants. This ‘customer’ just happens to be the owner.)

    Customer: “This is the item I want. GIVE IT TO ME!”

    Other Customer/Owner: *winks at me*

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you cannot ask this customer to give you his shorts. I can check another store for you though.”

    Customer: “No! I want his shorts!” *turns to the owner* “Give me your shorts! I know the owner personally. He says I can do whatever I want!”

    Other Customer/Owner: “Oh, I had know idea that you knew the owner. What’s his name?”

    Customer: “Um, his name is Paul! Now give me the shorts!”

    (Meanwhile, a few other customers and the manager walk over to see the fuss.)

    Other Customer/Owner: “Huh, that’s weird. My name isn’t Paul. Welcome to my store. Now, get out before I press charges.”

    Customer: *freezes and runs out of the store*

    (I unfortunately didn’t get a raise. I’m only a seasonal employee, but I did end up being able to get a huge discount on clothes for the rest of my life and I even got to pick out a few outfits free of charge!)

    He’s Obviously Just Wingin’ It

    | Georgia, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I serve a customer some food, specifically wings and fries. He approaches me with his meal; two of the wings are badly hidden in the fries.)

    Customer: “Hey man, you didn’t give me two wings. Cook them again!”

    Me:” I’m sure that I gave you the order just like you asked.”

    Customer: “Yo man, I told you! I have two f***ing wings missin’! How the f*** do you know that I be gettin’ all my wings?!”

    Me: “I also cook the food, sir.”

    Customer: “THAT DON’T MEAN NUTTIN!”

    Me: “I count before, during, and after food preparation. I guarantee you, you got what you ordered.”

    Customer: “NO I DIDN’T!”

    Me: “Okay, then please explain why there are chicken bones in the fries, and why you have hot sauce on your lips.”

    Customer: *flips me the bird and storms out of the store*

    This Phone-y Claim Doesn’t Ring True

    | North Carolina, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am working the front counter at the post office. Customer #1 is in front of me, while Customers #2 and #3 are at the center counter filling out paperwork.)

    Customer #2: “Hey, have you seen my cellphone?”

    Customer #3: “I thought you brought it in with you.”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, so did I. Can you call it for me?’

    (Customer #3 obliges and dials Customer #2’s phone. Surprisingly, a phone starts ringing. Customer #2 walks around by the front of the counter and looks at Customer #1.)

    Customer #1: “Ma’am, I think my phone is in your purse.”

    Customer #1: “No, you must be mistaken. That’s my phone.”

    Customer #2: “Well, if it’s your phone, aren’t you going to answer it?”

    Customer #1: “I think I’ll let it go to voicemail.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you need to show us that phone.”

    (She reluctantly reaches into her purse and brings out the phone. Customer #2 takes the phone.)

    Customer #2: “That is MY phone!”

    Customer #1: “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot. I did find it on the counter and I was going to turn it in, but I got distracted…”

    (Moral of the story: if you’re going to steal a cellphone, have the sense to turn the ringer off!)

Kids Say The Truthiest Things, Part 2

    | UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (The zoo allows children aged 3 and under in free; however, this is frequently misread by visitors as ‘under three’. A couple comes in with a boy aged around 5, and a little girl. My dad’s on the entrance till, while I’m waiting to take over for lunch break.)

    Customer: “Two adults and one child, please. She’s two.” *points at their little girl*

    Customer’s Little Boy: “Mummy, she’s three! She’s not two, mummy. Don’t you remember? She had a birthday and a cake and she’s three now. She’s not two any more! I got her a present and her friends came over and…”

    Customer: *puts on a ghastly fake smile and drags both children away*

    Customer’s Little Boy: *while being dragged away* “But she’s THREE!”

    Kids Say The Truthiest Things

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