October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Act Of Misdirection

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV

(I am volunteering and have been assigned to a small cinema for a South African film where the director is appearing. My job is to guard the seats reserved for VIPs.)

Customer: “Listen, do I really have to sit in these seats so far back?”

Me: “Sorry, but these are reserved for VIP personnel only. However, if there are still free seats when the movie starts, then we can see about seating you here.”

Customer: “Look, the director of the film gave me tickets himself!” *folds arms for dramatic effect and looks sternly at me*

Me: “Err… isn’t the director a woman?”

(The customer quickly looks nervous and drains of colour. They scuttle back to their seat quickly.)

Owning The Conversation

| USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(The customer is in her early 20s.)

Customer: “Why can’t you sell me what I want?”

Me: “Because we ran out of muffins.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough. Make some more.”

Me: “We cannot do that as we’re closing in an hour. You can come in tomorrow”.

Customer: “I’m the owner’s daughter. Call him.”

(The original owner is a 60 year old man who has just transferred his business to one of his daughters. He has a second daughter, Sarah, who I never met and don’t know what she looks like.)

Me: “You mean the last owner?”

Customer: “No, the current one.”

Me: “Then it’s not possible.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, the current owner is 27 years old.”

Customer: “Oh, then I’m her sister.”

Me: “You’re Sarah?”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “Okay, I don’t think so. You’re not related. Come back tomorrow for muffins.”

Customer: “D***. This worked at one store at least. That was a year ago..”

Me: “…”

Race And Relations

| Nashville, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m working as a server in my family’s restaurant. It’s important to note that I’m half-black, but can pass for being a tan white. A group I’m serving flag me down.)

Customer: “Hey, I got a complaint about you.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “My wife and I’ve been finished for ten minutes and those white people over at the other table got their checks and their table cleaned and we still haven’t even gotten ours.”

(I look down at their table, I checked up on them not five minutes ago to ask for the check and they said they weren’t done, and they haven’t eaten much more. Meanwhile the customers they’re talking about had cleaned their plates.)

Customer: “You think we’re gonna pay at all, much less tip, for such a discriminatory business? Forget it. We want to talk to your manager and get your racist a** fired.”

Me: “Sir… I’ll do you one better. Want me to get the owner?”

(The customer grins smugly and nods.)

Me: “Hey, Dad!”

(My dad, who is unmistakably black, came up to the table. Upon seeing him, the customer looked at me and registered that I’m not just really tan, and just kind of sank into his bench while his wife, who had just looked embarrassed at this ordeal, burst out laughing. My dad at least got a good laugh out of it – immediately before he banned the guy from the restaurant for trying to use the race card to snag a free meal.)

Should Just Slink On Out Of There

| Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(I work in a games arcade located next to a movie cinema with a step escalator. In the arcade, you play games which give you tickets, which you can exchange for a prize (toys, lollies, novelty items, etc.). A woman comes in with her daughter and her daughter’s friend (12ish).)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “We have 56 tickets. What can we get?”

Me: “Well, let’s round that up to 60 tickets, okay? So have a look in this section.”

Child: “I want a metal slinky.” *this is worth 60 tickets*

Me: “Okay, here you go. Have a nice day, guys!”

(They walk out without saying anything. Five minutes later they walk back in and talk to my coworker.)

Customer: “You gave us a broken slinky.” *proceeds to place a twisted pile of metal that was once a slinky on the desk*

Coworker: “Oh, no! I’m so sorry about that guys; what happened here?”

Customer: “We received it like this! All my daughter did was take it out of the packet and bounce it up and down and it ended up like this! Get us a new one and make sure it isn’t broken.”

(My coworker goes to look at the packets, and there is no way they could get tangled within a packet and anyone familiar with logic would realise that simply springing a slinky down and back up would never twist and stretch a slinky like this one was. I took a wild stab in the dark here.)

Me: “So guys. You’re telling me that you DIDN’T try to push this slinky down the step escalators?”

Customer: “Uh… Uh… So you saw that, huh?”

Me: “No, but now you’ve admitted it, we can’t provide you with a new one for something that’s not our fault. Have a nice day!”

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 10

| USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

(I work in a small-to-medium size restaurant, where the owner is usually in and works alongside us. He and I are standing by the counter when the phone rings and I’m close enough to overhear the call:)

Owner: “Hello, this is [Restaurant]. How can I-”

Caller: “This is an OUTRAGE!!”

Owner: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “You got my food order all wrong! I demand to speak with the manager!”

Owner: “I happen to be the owner, ma’am.”

Caller: “…”

Owner: “Ma’am?”

Caller: “Oh. I, uh… I didn’t know the owner would actually be in.”

Owner: “Well, yes, I happen to be in today so—”

Caller: “No, I mean… I never actually ordered anything.”

Owner: *confused* “I don’t—”

Caller: “You see, I was gonna yell at the manager and hope to get a free meal by saying that I knew the owner, but…”

Owner: “… Do I know you?”

Caller: “No…”

Owner: “…”

Caller: “This is awkward.”

Owner: “Yeah, it is. Please never call back. I don’t particularly do well with customers who try to harass me or my employees, or lie in order for you to get a free meal. Have a nice day.”

(I was still somewhat surprised by her honesty, even if it was due to her total realization that it wouldn’t have worked!)

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 9
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7

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