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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    The Strong Arm Of The Law

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (Our store buys used video games to resell. It’s not uncommon for people to try to sell stolen merchandise, so we have a “bad trader” list. Two teens walk in, and one of them is on our list. I recognize them immediately.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [store name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, I want to trade some games in.”

    (Customer #1 hands me a stack of games, but it’s just discs…no cases.)

    Me: “Are you over 18 with a valid picture ID?”

    Customer #1: “No, but he is.”

    Customer #2: *hands me his ID*

    (I quickly look through the games. I take Customer #2′s ID and verify he is on our bad trader list.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t take these.”

    Customer #1: “Man, why not?!”

    Me: “We just don’t need these in stock right now.”

    Customer #1: *getting aggressive* “I trade in here all time! You gotta take my games. There ain’t nothin wrong with ‘em!”

    Me: *stalling* “We can’t take them. I can check the computer and tell you what they’re worth, but I can’t take them.”

    Customer #1: “Okay, yeah…check ‘em.”

    (While I’m checking the games, a really big, burly guy walks in.)

    Burly Guy: *to me* “Ma’am, don’t give them any money for those games! I saw them steal those games from [retailer] across the street and take them out out of their packaging before coming in here.”

    (At this point, Customer #1 starts edging towards the door. The burly guy reaches out and grabs him by his collar with one hand.)

    Burly Guy: *whips out his police badge* “If you take one more step, I WILL taze you!”

    (The two thieves were arrested right then and there!)

    Employees Are Sharper Than You Think

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (Pharmacy law in Utah says that it’s up to the pharmacist’s discretion if they want to sell insulin needles/syringes without a prescription. Our store has the policy that the patient either has to have a prescription for the syringes or for an injectable medication on file.)

    Customer: “I need to get some syringes.”

    Me: “Okay, I need your name so I can look up the prescription.”

    Customer: “Actually, they’re not for me. They’re for my mom.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s her name?”

    Customer: “Well, not my mom. My best friend’s mom who’s like a mom to me.”

    Me: “What’s her name?”

    Customer: “Actually, it’s for her dog.”

    Me: “What’s the dog’s name?”

    Customer: “I…don’t know.”

    Me: “Then I’m not selling you any syringes.”

    Customer: *walks away in defeat*

    His Plan Is In The Toilet

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (I work in a movie theater that is inside a mall. Sometimes, the mall closes their restrooms so they use our restrooms instead.)

    Customer: “Can I use your bathroom?”

    Me: “Sure, they are right over there.” *points to restrooms*

    Customer: *walks past where I point*

    Me: “Sir, you walked past the restrooms.”

    Customer: “Well, I was going to use the ones in the back.”

    (I realize he’s just trying to sneak into a movie.)

    Me: “Well, the restrooms in the front are just as good as the ones in the back.”

    (The customer groans and walks into the restroom, but leaves only after a few seconds.)

    Customer: “F*** you, p****!”

    Me: “Have a good day, sir!”

    The Oldest Chick In The Book

    | Deland, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Caller: “I don’t understand why I have a late fee on my account. I always pay on time.”

    Me: “Okay, I would be happy to look into that for you today. I see the late fee and I think I see the problem. However, I would like a brief minute to continue looking through your account to verify why you are receiving late fees. May I please place you on hold?”

    Caller: “Okay, then.”

    (I check her statements for the last 6 months and see that she missed two consecutive payments. She recently started paying only $5 a month.)

    Me: “Thank you for holding. I apologize for the wait. I think I see what happened. I see that we have been receiving your $5 payments by the due date. However, they do not cover your $127 minimum payment, so you are being charged late fees.”

    Caller: “But I’m making my payment on time.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, however the payment that we are receiving does not cover your minimum due.”

    Caller: “But you’re getting my payment before the due date.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but $5 does not cover your minimum due.”

    Caller: “Well, what is my minimum due?”

    Me: “Your minimum due on your last statement was $127.”

    Caller: “So that pays off my account. I’ll pay you $127 and you can’t charge me any more fees, right? That will pay off my account.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but $127 was the amount that you owed us for the month of January. You will still owe us another minimum payment by February 28th.”

    Caller: “Okay, so how many months do I have to pay to pay off my account?”

    Me: “Well, as stated on your last statement, you would have to pay the minimum due for 5 years on time each month to pay off your balance.”

    Caller: “Well, how much is that?”

    Me: “$6,200.”

    Caller: “So, how will it take me to pay off my balance if I pay $5 a month?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but since $5 does not cover your minimum payment and our late fees are $35, you would be unable to pay off your balance.”

    Caller: “Well, why would you do that? You just want everyone to give you $5 every month for the rest of their lives! Let me talk to your supervisor! You people can’t do that! It’s ILLEGAL!”

    Me: “Okay, may I please place you on a brief 1 to 2 minute hold while I get my supervisor on the line for you?”

    Caller: *whispering* “She’s getting a supervisor, but it’s going to take another 15 minutes.”

    Grumpy Old Man: *in the background* “I told you they wouldn’t fall for that you stupid woman. Just pay them their d*** money so we can order Chinese!”

    Caller: *click*

    Lying Doesn’t Sit Well

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m clearing off the outdoor patio because we’ve stopped seating and our kitchen is closed. Three customers sit down at a table.)

    Me: “I’m sorry guys, but the outdoor seating is closed. Our kitchen and the dinning room are closed too, but the bar will be open till two.”

    Customers: *inaudible grumbling*

    Me: “Sorry, folks. ”

    (I clean off a few more tables. As I’m walking back inside, one of the men at the table stops me.)

    Customer: “I know you’re closed and all, but I’m just saying we were sat out here by a host. Maybe you guys should get your S*** together!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir? A host sat you without menus or silverware?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Do you know her name or what she looked like, sir? I’d like to talk to her.”

    Customer: *stumbling for words* “I don’t know…she—”

    Me: “…Especially since the last host was cut over an hour ago, and I’m the only server still on the floor. I must say I’m VERY curious who sat you.”

    Customer: “Well…F*** YOU!” *leaves with his friends*

    Me: “Have a nice night, guys!”


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