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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Caught On A Hot Tan Roof

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (My friend and I are waiting in line at a night club. A guy in front us presents his ID, but the bouncer isn’t buying it.)

    Bouncer: “You can’t use this. It’s not a valid piece of ID.”

    Guy: “Why not? It has my information on it.”

    Bouncer: “First of all, it’s not government-issued. It looks like an employee ID. Second, do you seriously expect me to believe that this WHITE guy is you?”

    (The photo on the ID clearly doesn’t match the guy, who is of Southeast Asian descent and is darker than the person in the photo.)

    Guy: “Uhh… I’m a roofer. You gotta believe me, man! That’s me in the photo.”

    Bouncer: “It’s almost October and we’re in Canada. That’s one h*** of a roofer’s tan you got there!”

    Guy: “****!” *leaves the club*

    Please Pull Up To The Next Fast One

    , | Maine, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am working the first window of the drive-thru taking people’s money. Our store has a policy that if you don’t get a receipt or if you are not offered a receipt, then your order is free. A man comes up to my window and shoves a wad of bills and change into my hand and immediately drives off to the next window. I don’t think much of it, because the guy had exact change. A short time later, my manager comes up to me.)

    Manager: “A customer is insisting on getting their food for free. He says that you didn’t give him his receipt nor ask him if he wanted one.”

    (I explain to my manager what happened, and then go and talk to the customer.)

    Me: “Sir, you didn’t give me a chance to offer you a receipt or to complete the transaction. As soon as you gave me your money, you sped off.”

    Customer: “That’s NOT what the sign says! It’s not my fault you’re slow! I was not given a receipt, correct? You did not ask me if I wanted a receipt, correct? Therefore, I get my food for free!”

    (My manager decides not to argue with the man and refunds his money. A few days later, a man places an order and I am pretty sure it is the same customer. Sure enough, I immediately recognize him when he pulls up to my window. Again, he shoves a wad of bills and change at me. However, I don’t reach out to take it just yet.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir! Would you like your receipt today?”

    Customer: “D*** it! You recognized me, didn’t you?”

    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask, Part 2

    | Commerce, TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (A car pulls up to our store. Two teenagers get out while the driver waits inside. I know the second teenager as a petty shoplifter, so I keep a very close eye on them.)

    Teenager #1: “I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll need to see a valid, current, driver’s license in order to sell them to you.”

    Teenager #1: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I need to verify your age. By law, you need to be eighteen or older to purchase tobacco products in this state.”

    Teenager #1: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you the cigarettes, then.”

    (The two teenagers leave the store and talk with the driver. They then come back in and resume begging.)

    Teenager #1: “Please?”

    Me: “No. It’s against the law. I’m not able to do it.”

    (They leave to the car and return again.)

    Teenager #1: “Okay, I’ve got the license.” *hands me an old learner’s permit*

    Me: “I’m afraid I still can’t sell you the cigarettes.”

    Teenager #1: “Why not!? I’ve given you the license!”

    Me: “It’s still not possible. You see, this is a learner’s permit, not a license. That alone wouldn’t be too bad if you could prove this is your permit. However, this doesn’t have a picture of you on it. But before you go fishing out a student ID or anything like that, I can’t accept this for other reasons. First of all, it has expired. Secondly, it isn’t a license with your picture on it. Lastly, it says you are only seventeen and that you had a birthday last month. You still aren’t eighteen.”

    Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, please?”

    (The teenagers leave yet again, talk to the driver, and return. This time, they take their begging to another customer who has been filling out paperwork and drinking coffee near the front door.)

    Teenager #1: “Sir, could you buy some cigarettes for me? That guy won’t sell them to us.”

    Another Customer: “Seriously? You are seriously asking me that?”

    Teenager #1: “Well, yeah. He won’t sell them, and we really want them!”

    (The other customer looks at them as if they have gone into the Twilight Zone.)

    Another Customer: “You want me…”

    Teenager #1: “…to buy the cigarettes.”

    Another Customer: “Wait a moment. You want ME to buy you cigarettes. He’s already heard you ask me, and by law he can’t sell them to me because he will know that I am buying them for you.”

    Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, just buy them, will you?”

    Another Customer: “Furthermore, you are asking ME to break the law…”

    Teenager #1: “Come on, man… please?”

    Another Customer: “…an on duty, fully in-uniform police officer to break the law and buy you cigarettes?”

    Teenager #1: “Yeah, please?”

    Another Customer: “Think. About. It.”

    (Seeing the officer’s answering glare, the teenager and his friend finally decide the game is over. No cigarettes tonight!)

    Related:
    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask

    Three Beers To The Wind

    | Albuquerque, NM, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (While working at the convenience store, I notice an older male customer, who is clearly intoxicated, put three single beer cans down his shirt. The shirt is tucked in, so the beers are very obviously hanging out of his shirt. I intercept him as he tries to make his way to the door. Caught red-handed, he drunkenly holds out a handful of cash.)

    Customer: “Hey how much do I have?”

    Me: “You have three dollars, but you also have three beers down your shirt. Now give them back, please.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: *pokes at a beer can in his shirt* “You have 3 beers down your shirt, and we need those back now.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *hands me two of the beers*

    Me: “What about the third beer, man?”

    Customer: “What beer?”

    (I poke the can under his shirt.)

    Me: “This one. We need that one back, too. Now.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…” *hands beer back* “Can I buy some beer now?”

    Me: “You just tried to steal from us! H*** no, you can’t buy any beer! Now get out!”

    Customer: *meekly leaves*

    Can’t Hide That You Lied About The Ride

    | MN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Sorry, can I double check your son’s height? I just want to make sure he’s tall enough.”

    Guest: “Ugh, all right! [Son], stand against the sign.” *to me* “He’s been on this one before. He loves it! It’s his favorite ride.”

    (The guest’s son is just tall enough to ride, so I let them in. I run the ride, but notice that her son is noticeably frightened. As they get off the ride, I decide to question the guest.)

    Me: “Is it still his favorite ride?”

    Guest: “What?! No! He’s never been on this one before!”

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