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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Say Here, What You Say Is Hearsay Because I Said It Right Here

    | UK | Liars & Scammers

    (A client is calling to complain about a debt on his insurance policy.)

    Customer: “…I know it’s not your fault. You’ve been understanding, but I have to say: the girl I spoke to this morning was awful! She said you were going to take money out of my bank account without my permission.”

    (I begin scanning through all the notes since the inception of the policy.)

    Me: “I’m not sure why anyone would advise you that, sir, because we don’t even have any facility to do that.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know that, did I? She was rude, and abrasive, and she threatened me. I want her fired—”

    (At this point, I come across the only note from today.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to interrupt you there. It was actually ME you spoke to this morning, and I said nothing at all about taking money from your account. I’ve got a written record of our conversation here, but if you’re insisting on taking the matter further, I can find a recording of the call to prove it to you, too.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *hangs up*

    Don’t Fake With Me

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (I work at a drugstore. When someone comes in with a fake ID, we can refuse to sell to them, but we can’t actually confiscate the fake. A teenage girl walks up to the counter.)

    Teenage Customer: “Just this, please.”

    (She puts a pack of Budweiser on the counter.)

    Me: “May I see your ID?”

    (She hands me an ID that is obviously fake; the state is spelled wrong.)

    Me: “What year did you graduate high school?”

    Teenage Customer: “Um…”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell to you.”

    Teenage Customer: “F*** you, you little ****! Just give me the f***ing beer!”

    Me: *deep breath* “Listen. I have had a very, VERY bad day. You can leave quietly and take your fake along, or I can call call the police and they’ll come arrest you. Which would you prefer?”

    Teenage Customer: *turns red, grabs her fake and runs out of the store*

    Caught On A Hot Tan Roof

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Underaged

    (My friend and I are waiting in line at a night club. A guy in front us presents his ID, but the bouncer isn’t buying it.)

    Bouncer: “You can’t use this. It’s not a valid piece of ID.”

    Guy: “Why not? It has my information on it.”

    Bouncer: “First of all, it’s not government-issued. It looks like an employee ID. Second, do you seriously expect me to believe that this WHITE guy is you?”

    (The photo on the ID clearly doesn’t match the guy, who is of Southeast Asian descent and is darker than the person in the photo.)

    Guy: “Uhh… I’m a roofer. You gotta believe me, man! That’s me in the photo.”

    Bouncer: “It’s almost October and we’re in Canada. That’s one h*** of a roofer’s tan you got there!”

    Guy: “****!” *leaves the club*

    Please Pull Up To The Next Fast One

    , | Maine, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am working the first window of the drive-thru taking people’s money. Our store has a policy that if you don’t get a receipt or if you are not offered a receipt, then your order is free. A man comes up to my window and shoves a wad of bills and change into my hand and immediately drives off to the next window. I don’t think much of it, because the guy had exact change. A short time later, my manager comes up to me.)

    Manager: “A customer is insisting on getting their food for free. He says that you didn’t give him his receipt nor ask him if he wanted one.”

    (I explain to my manager what happened, and then go and talk to the customer.)

    Me: “Sir, you didn’t give me a chance to offer you a receipt or to complete the transaction. As soon as you gave me your money, you sped off.”

    Customer: “That’s NOT what the sign says! It’s not my fault you’re slow! I was not given a receipt, correct? You did not ask me if I wanted a receipt, correct? Therefore, I get my food for free!”

    (My manager decides not to argue with the man and refunds his money. A few days later, a man places an order and I am pretty sure it is the same customer. Sure enough, I immediately recognize him when he pulls up to my window. Again, he shoves a wad of bills and change at me. However, I don’t reach out to take it just yet.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir! Would you like your receipt today?”

    Customer: “D*** it! You recognized me, didn’t you?”

    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask, Part 2

    | Commerce, TX, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (A car pulls up to our store. Two teenagers get out while the driver waits inside. I know the second teenager as a petty shoplifter, so I keep a very close eye on them.)

    Teenager #1: “I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll need to see a valid, current, driver’s license in order to sell them to you.”

    Teenager #1: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I need to verify your age. By law, you need to be eighteen or older to purchase tobacco products in this state.”

    Teenager #1: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you the cigarettes, then.”

    (The two teenagers leave the store and talk with the driver. They then come back in and resume begging.)

    Teenager #1: “Please?”

    Me: “No. It’s against the law. I’m not able to do it.”

    (They leave to the car and return again.)

    Teenager #1: “Okay, I’ve got the license.” *hands me an old learner’s permit*

    Me: “I’m afraid I still can’t sell you the cigarettes.”

    Teenager #1: “Why not!? I’ve given you the license!”

    Me: “It’s still not possible. You see, this is a learner’s permit, not a license. That alone wouldn’t be too bad if you could prove this is your permit. However, this doesn’t have a picture of you on it. But before you go fishing out a student ID or anything like that, I can’t accept this for other reasons. First of all, it has expired. Secondly, it isn’t a license with your picture on it. Lastly, it says you are only seventeen and that you had a birthday last month. You still aren’t eighteen.”

    Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, please?”

    (The teenagers leave yet again, talk to the driver, and return. This time, they take their begging to another customer who has been filling out paperwork and drinking coffee near the front door.)

    Teenager #1: “Sir, could you buy some cigarettes for me? That guy won’t sell them to us.”

    Another Customer: “Seriously? You are seriously asking me that?”

    Teenager #1: “Well, yeah. He won’t sell them, and we really want them!”

    (The other customer looks at them as if they have gone into the Twilight Zone.)

    Another Customer: “You want me…”

    Teenager #1: “…to buy the cigarettes.”

    Another Customer: “Wait a moment. You want ME to buy you cigarettes. He’s already heard you ask me, and by law he can’t sell them to me because he will know that I am buying them for you.”

    Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, just buy them, will you?”

    Another Customer: “Furthermore, you are asking ME to break the law…”

    Teenager #1: “Come on, man… please?”

    Another Customer: “…an on duty, fully in-uniform police officer to break the law and buy you cigarettes?”

    Teenager #1: “Yeah, please?”

    Another Customer: “Think. About. It.”

    (Seeing the officer’s answering glare, the teenager and his friend finally decide the game is over. No cigarettes tonight!)

    Related:
    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask


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