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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Sweet Justice

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am a cashier ringing up a woman, her husband and their young son who is about seven. The woman is having trouble with her credit card, which is an obscure foreign card.)

    Woman: “Ugh! I hate this store! I knew I shouldn’t have come here! Everyone here is just stupid! Their machines never let me use credit on my card! It’s just stupid.” *to her husband* “Why did you suggest we come here instead of [competitor]?! Everyone here is just useless!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I will certainly pass the message along to my superior. In the mean time, because it’s only $10.45, would you like to pay via cash?”

    Woman: “No [son], you can’t have the stupid chocolate bar! I don’t know if I have enough bloody coins because of this stupid store!”

    Boy: “But mummy, if you knew the card doesn’t work, why did we go here?”

    Woman: *shuts up*

    Related:
    Sweet Injustice

    A Higher Voice Is Not A Higher Power

    | IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I overhear my coworker’s portion of a call.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [account name]. My name is [name]. May I have your name and membership number, please?”

    (Looking at his screen, I can tell the account information he’s given pulls up a woman’s account.)

    Coworker: “Thank you, sir. Now, I see that this account is under a woman’s name. Are you calling for a wife or family member?”

    (While he does this, he’s checking the account to see if anyone besides the account holder has permission to speak.)

    Coworker: “Okay, well, I’m very sorry to say this sir, but you are not authorized to speak on this account. Your wife would need to contact us.”

    (A moment or two passes.)

    Coworker: “Sir, placing me on hold for a few seconds, and then trying to speak in a higher voice will not fool me into thinking you are your wife. Especially as you already told me that she is out of town, in a meeting, and cannot call us herself.”

    Cut Price Cut-Throats

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Money, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (It is standard grooming salon policy to make sure the customer is completely satisfied with their dog’s haircut before they leave. If not, we will fix what we can. I am returning a dog to its owner.)

    Me: “Here he is, ma’am! Are you happy with the haircut?”

    Customer: *examining dog* “Hmm… well… he looks okay except for the hair above his eyes is still a little too long.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Would you like me to trim it a bit more? It’ll only take a minute.”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Okay then, if you’re sure, that will be [price].”

    Customer: “But that’s full price! You can’t charge me full price, because the hair above his eyes is too long!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I offered to trim it for you. I can still do that; it’ll just take a minute.”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Well then, it’ll be the same price I just told you.”

    Customer: “But that isn’t fair! The hair above his eyes is still too long! I want a discount!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ve offered to fix the hair above his eyes for you, but you’ve refused. I cannot give you a discount for something that I am willing and able to fix right here and now.”

    Customer: “Well, did I say too long? I meant it was too short! It’s too short! You can’t fix that now, can you!? I want a discount!”

    (She proceeded to throw a tantrum for the next ten minutes and only paid up and left when I threatened to call the police on her. Needless to say, she and her dog are no longer welcome back.)

    Not Suitable For Spanish Fly

    | New York, NY, USA | Language & Words, Liars & Scammers, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Two customers, one male, one female, with notable Spanish accents approach. While I’m Caucasian, I’m quite fluent in Spanish.)

    Male Customer: “Yes, we’d like to return this coffee maker. It doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Certainly. May I see your receipt?”

    (The male customer looks slightly taken aback.)

    Male Customer: “Oh, uh, we threw that away.”

    Me: “Ah, well I’m sorry but the only thing we can do then is give you a store credit.”

    Male Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. We’ll find something else.”

    Me: “Superb. Just let me check inside and we’ll take care of this.”

    (I proceed to open the box.)

    Male Customer: “Que? What are you doing?”

    Me: “I have to check the product, sir. It’ll only take a moment.”

    (The male customer looks increasingly taken aback, and I quickly find out why. While the coffee maker is a model we carry, it has a different brand name printed on it, and the plug is visibly a three prong European version, as opposed to the two prong U.S. version.)

    Me: “Sir, are you sure you purchased this in this store?”

    Male Customer: “Yes, certain!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I’m going to have to get my manager. Just a moment.”

    (I page the manager on duty, explain what’s happening and then show him the coffee maker.)

    Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry but we’re not going to be able to credit you for this. You can’t possibly have purchased this here because this is the international version of the machine. We only sell the U.S. version.”

    Male Customer: *sputters, then hangs his head* “Sorry, I must have made a mistake.”

    (He takes the box back and turns to leave, whereupon the female customer whacks him upside the head.)

    Female Customer: *in Spanish* “Oh, no! ‘Americans are all idiots!’ ‘They won’t check if it’s the right item!’ ‘They don’t know about international voltage!’ You are a f***ing disgrace, you know that!? No way is that going back in my luggage for the flight home!”

    Un-Sue-table Behavior

    , | MA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (The fast food restaurant I work in has two areas. One is a large area where you order food at the counter and that contains several tables. The second is only a few feet below the first and is accessed by walking down two stairs. At the time of day, we have a section roped off since the restaurant is nearly empty. Two women walk up to the counter: a middle-aged woman and an elderly woman who appears to be her mother.)

    Middle-aged Customer: “Hi, we’d like to order two breakfast meals, please.”

    (As I take her order I notice the elderly customer glance behind her at the roped-off stairwell. She then starts to take two steps backward towards the stairs.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please watch your step. There is a small set of stairs behind you.”

    (The elderly customer glances behind her again, and then takes another few steps backward.)

    Me: *repeating* “Ma’am, there is a set of stairs behind you. It is roped off, but please be careful because I don’t want you to fall or get hurt.”

    (The elderly customer continues to step backwards, but before I can stop her, she dramatically falls backwards over the steps.)

    Elderly Customer: “I just fell over your stairs! They weren’t properly secured! I think I hurt myself. I’m going to sue you personally, and this restaurant!”

    Middle-aged Customer: *rolling eyes and not even turning around* “Mother, get up off the floor and come over here and get your breakfast. You aren’t hurt and you’re not suing anyone.” *to me* “Just ignore her. She tries these stunts everywhere she goes. Thankfully I drove here and not her. This is how she lost her driver’s license as well!”

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